I thought i would use this as a place to put my thoughts and also use as a record to see how far i'm coming along.
You could say i'm a bit of a cit veteran, i'm not actually sure how many times i've been on it but it's quite a few to to the fact i've lost count. This is the only AD i've ever tried and it's always worked for me so fingers crossed it will again. I'd been quite happy on 20mg of cit for the last 10 months, but due to a crappy few days full of agitation as i wasn't feeling well as couldn't explain why, my doctor wanted to increase me to 40mg. Knowing what a big jump that is i talked him into letting me just increase to 30 and to see how i went.
Well it's been exactly 6 weeks today on 30 and what a ride it's been and not pleasant to say the least. The day after i increased my dose i found out i have skin cancer, a sarcoma to be precise. Extremely rare and i'm only the 45th person in the world to have this type. I couldn't tell you if the next couple of weeks the increased anxiety were due to the meds or the fact i didn't know what was going to happen, a bit of both i suspect. I then found out that it's totally treatable as it's low grade and in my tissue and not cells and i'm going in today to have any remaining skin cells removed. I'm not actually that worried about it, weirdly i'm more concerned with the head, nose, jaw and ear pressure i've been experiencing. I've been on cit before because of these problems and it seemed to sort itself after a few weeks but 6 weeks on the increase it's still here. i've self diagnosed it hundreds of times and changed my mind by the hour what it is, of course winding myself up in the process. I've thought my meds were too high, the too low, the not working at all. My brain had raced at a thousand miles an hour and it's been a bumpy ride.
I've decided that i am going to stick to the 30mg until the 8 week mark, my doctor has given me some antibiotics as he thinks it may be an infection and i am booking an appointment at the dentist as jaw problems can cause pressure and aches in the places i am having them. I am also aware that cit can cause jaw clenching but i've never had this symptom like this before so if it turns out that the dentist is fine and the antibiotics don't work then i may have to look at another AD. i've also been offered CBT and i've never tried this before so going to give it a go.
The anxiety was horrific yesterday but today it seems a bit quieter like it's in the background. Feel very on edge and keep checking myself constantly to see how i feel.
I'm going to go out shortly to get my son a card and presents as it's his birthday tomorrow (he's 12) before i get ready to go into hospital for my surgery, my mum is taking me and they said i should be out for 6pm so i'm looking forward to the family having to run around after me for the next few days http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/images/smilies/yesyes.gif
Till later.