Help! Scared of losing my Mum!

[Carnation]

I'm panicking over losing my Mum.
I am not in a good place right now and she keeps falling over and it is killing me emotionally. Every time she falls, I think the worst and then she survives and then it happens again and then I think the worst and then I start shaking and crying and never seem to be calm when this happens and it makes me worse so I become light-headed.
I can't seem to control these thoughts and it affects my sleep and I worry constantly and it makes me more ill.

[Fishmanpa]

I'm truly sorry to hear this. I'm personally dealing with the reality of losing my parents as well. My father's wife just passed and he's not in the best of health. My mother is in the same boat plus dementia (and I just found out she was just taken to the hospital today! She'll be Ok... severe UTI but still). They're both in assisted living homes but the reality is apparent and I understand the feelings you're experiencing.

Add to that I'm far away and can't be there at a drop of a hat nor can I help financially. My sister has taken on 100% of the responsibilities and it's taking it's toll on her (she's an anxiety sufferer).

What helps me the most is accepting the situation in that I can't change fate and life. Realistically with both being in their 80's and not well, I know their time is limited. All I can do is make sure I speak to them often, visit when I can, make sure I tell them I love them and try to make the best of a truly difficult situation.

Is your mom in an assisted living situation or can you have a nurse/aid check in or help her?

Positive thoughts

[Carnation]

Since posting this Thread, my Mum is now in hospital.

The GP checked her over and on the results sent over what you call a 'Stars Team'.
They assessed her and was not happy with her ability to move around the house, so called an ambulance.

So when I arrived for the 3rd day running and after battling a half an hour journey, there was two guys from the 'Stars Team, two more from A & E and two neighbours.

I couldn't stop shaking and shivering inside and at one point thought that I was going to end up in the ambulance with my Mum.
Well, I survived it, coped and Mum is being checked out.
I know she won't want Carers, she hates strangers and has trust issues, so we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

I currently do everything for her, but due to my relapse can not stay over with her, but if she can't move by herself, I would have difficulties with that anyway.

It's so hard to deal with; the practicalities, the emotions, the guilt, the worry of loss.
But you are right Fishmanpa, you can't change fate or life.

[Fishmanpa]

Sending positive thoughts and prayers for peace....

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm sorry to hear you've had a very difficult night and your mum has been sent to hospital.

They tend to play very safe with the elderly. She will be getting good care in A&E or acute admissions or wherever they send them to. When my mum went in with pneumonia they were spot on with everything, a stark contrast to the messy general wards.

It's good that she has got neighbours who care. It must be quite a comfort knowing they are there if you need them.

I guess we have to just learn to accept the changes in stages of life, no matter how hard, since they will come to us all. It's upsetting to see your parents getting old though and all the fragility that comes with it. All you can do is your best, which I know you will always do.

[pulisa]

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum but maybe now is the time for a full assessment of her needs? At least you know she is safe in hospital and not a liability in her own house. I do hope the hospital stay will answer all the questions you have about her physical health and maybe she will have to accept help from others now?

[Carnation]

After a heavy night, this morning has started badly. I waited 20 minutes to get through to A & E and when someone answered, they told me that they could not give any information over the phone????? Not to be beaten, I asked outright, "Has she had a stroke?", to which he replied, "well, she is not in the stroke unit, so probably not".
She's been stuck in a pod adjacent to A & E all night, and probably been given nothing to eat and little to drink and no sleep. (I've been here before, so I would put money on it), and they told me that they are intending to keep her in and allocate her to a ward.
which ward? I don't know. I've told Mr C that I want to go up there and see her, but it means bundling Mr C's Mum in the car and taking her with us.
To top it all, some Roof builders turned up at 8am this morning and when I opened the bedroom curtains, I was faced with a builder's bum. let alone the peace and tranquillity we need before we start what looks another busy and stressful day!

[MyNameIsTerry]

That's the last thing you want to be greeted with...a full moon

Hospitals can be a right pain like this. My dad's friend had the same yesterday with his wife. He rang up and they didn't know what ward she was in. They told him high dependency and no visitors so you can imagine how shocked he was since she went in for treatment and it wasn't critical to then be told she was on a critical ward! It took him questioning them to determine she wasn't actually in a critical state!

It's probably best you go up and sort it out. It's a left hand, right hand, situation with these places.

At least it looks like she hasn't had a stroke which is very good news. The A&E people would have had a good idea if she had and they said no...and I would trust their opinion over a GP any day.

[Carnation]

It was more a half moon Terry

Yes, I don't think she is critical, I think it was a case of out of A + E and waiting for a bed for tests. I have to phone back and get the details later.

Mr C and I are going to try and relax this morning and get some well earned rest, poor Mr C nearly fainted last night from lack of food, so we made a joke to the A & E guys that we should ALL bundle in to the back of the ambulance.

Thanks Pulisa, I can't do this all on my own anymore. My Mum is quite high maintenance now and maybe something good will come out of something bad??? x

---------- Post added at 10:59 ---------- Previous post was at 10:53 ----------

Sorry, did I mention she was in HDU?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I take it from your unhappy reaction it wasn't the kind of builder you get on a Pepsi commercial?

My mum said they sometimes put people in HDU until they are sure when they are a risk like the elderly, it's where my mum went in via the non emergency ambulance. She said they were excellent it's just that you do have to put up with the noise of the other cases they are dealing with. Anything truly serious, they would have been calling you to go up so that's always a good sign when you are chasing them.

I hope she is feeling better soon. They may keep her just to keep an eye on her for a few days. These places like to ensure all areas are returned to normal before they let the elderly out, they are very careful with them.

I don't blame MrC, when you have a shock and blood sugar is low it can bow, you over. Did they say 'sorry love, one phone call, one ambulance'?