I'm in such a surreal head space right now. It's taken me ten years or so to get to this point where I've actually said No, I don't want to suffer like this anymore and really put change into action. However, by doing this I am incredibly anxious as I look at my past and just see a whole lot of 'surviving' panic and complete horror that I've put myself through and realised that I haven't been in control of my anxiety at all not even in my better states! I'm traumatised by where my head takes me and how my perceptions and outlooks have shifted so much and so dramatically, forcing me to lead a very lonely and desperate life. Will this confused state fade? Will I get over the intense suffering I've been through? Is it too late? Can I gain full control over this? Will I be able to lead the life I want?