I started having Anxiety in late 2011. I remember feeling very strange at when I was working at my old job. I started feeling worse, so I ran out of the work place and went to the bathroom to see if I can control what was happening to me. I remember my thought process being something like "I am going to faint. I am scared of what is happening to me right now" and "Am I going to die? I feel like I'm going to die." 5 minutes later I returned back to the work place while still feeling horrible. I only lasted about a couple of minutes until I decided that I couldn't work while feeling like this so I ran out the building and got some fresh air. After 10 minutes outside I felt a little bit better, so I returned back to the work place and went trough the rest of the shift still feeling weird. When the shift was finished I thought to myself that this was just a one-off thing and that I would feel like my old self after a good night's kip. Oh, how wrong I was.
The next attack occurred while I was going shopping with my dad to get paint. I recall feeling tense and weird on the way to the shop and thinking that I something bad was around the corner. When we were in the shop I was having browsing the paints with my dad to try and take my mind of what was driving me crazy. It did not work, and I went into a Panic Attack. While I was walking with my dad to the check out I was thinking to myself that I would at least be out of the shop in a few minutes time. Unfortunately for myself, my dad bumped into one of his old school friends and ended up having a chat with him. Feeling like hell I decided that I needed to get out so I asked my dad for the car keys. He asked me what was wrong, and I said angrily to him that I really needed the keys. He handed me the keys and I ran out of the shop and sat inside the car. My hands were covering my face, I was crying, I felt like I was going to black out, and I was convinced that I was going to lose my mind. Minutes later my dad got back and asked me what the matter was. I told him about how I was feeling the last few days, and how that I didn't know what to do when the feeling occurred. It was that moment my dad mentioned to me that I could have Anxiety.
What occurred during the next few months changed my life the worst. I had to leave my job due to Anxiety, I lost contact with my best friend because I couldn't bear going out anymore, and I felt like I won't feel like my old self anymore. I had that lifestyle for the next couple of years. It wasn't until last year when my life changed for the better.
It all started when my dad mentioned a place called "Giraffe". It was for people who were jobless, needed job experience, and had mental health problems. I would go there once a week and I would be doing a few jobs in the garden outside the building with a few other workers. It felt strange, scary, and new to be spending a great deal of time outside again. A month later I started to feel a little less Anxious and I then decided that I should start a music course at College. This would be a big step for me mainly because I would be socialising with people most of the week and I would have to get myself some a part time job and some accommodation to help me be more independent.
Now that those months have passed I can definitely say that I am starting to feel much better. I have a part time job, I am doing a course I love at College, I'm making new friends, I have my own accommodation, and I feel more confident with myself. It has been a long journey, but I can say that this illness has taught me a lot about myself and what obstacles life can has planned for us. I guess that it is a positive I can take from having Anxiety.
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