My day

[Notme]

Well after a relatively good day with only a few down moments it all went downhill this evening. Had a job interview that went well, told my ex 'yes I'm still living there'. No where to go and I own half the house. And she didn't really comment, just went on about what she was doing. So that kinda sent me under and basically pissed on my chips.
So I spent the evening upstairs in the dark staring into space. And now I'm still here wondering what to do.

I know my actions have hurt her but I feel like she wants to punish me or hurt me so I know how she feels. I don't think she realises how much I am hurting. She's just put this huge barrier up that I can't break through.
What can I do? Is it really over after 15 years? It's bad enough loosing everything else but this is really hard for me. I'm now thinking of going to hypnotherapy to have them remove the emotional connection so I can move on with my life, the only thing is I don't know if it's to soon and is there a chance we could sort out our differences. After all it's only been about 6 weeks.

Sorry everyone... I'm rambling again.

[NoPoet]

Apparently it's "not PC" to speak the following truths, but oh well:

Do not ever underestimate the capacity for a woman to hurt you. She might be right to be upset, she might not be, but the saying "a woman scorned" wasn't created for shits and giggles.

From my own experience, and trust me I've had loads, a woman who wants to hurt you will do far more damage than a man, as a man who hates you would probably just thump you and that would be that. You almost certainly won't be ready for what your ex will do. She already knows how to get in your head. I don't think some women realise how badly men can be hurt, and she probably underestimates you.

Bear in mind that she may feel like she has had to cope with your problems. That sounds harsh but think about it: she probably hasn't got a clue how you feel. It will make her resentful and angry. This is where good communication comes in.

Maybe start by saying "I'm sorry if you feel like I've leaned on you a lot. I can't imagine how tough it must have been for you. It's been tough for me too, but this is where I'm drawing the line. I will get better."

In your case, if you are depressed, it certainly seems to be caused by the anxiety. I also know what it's like to lose a relationship to anxiety, you can push her away by constantly checking for reassurance. The big improvements in your life will come when you start relying on yourself for reassurance, not anyone else.

[Notme]

Thanks Nopoet..
You're completely right. She is hurting because of my actions and I'd say she herself is struggling to deal with it. I think she is reacting the only way she knows how.

I don't think she has any idea how I'm feeling... She thinks I can just snap out of it but it's not that easy. I do know that if she were to give me a chance then my anxiety would virtually dissapear.

Yes I'd also agree with you that the anxiety is causing my depression. I feel it all start to build up more and more and more and then I start feeling lower and lower and lower. Hand on heart I don't know how I'm still here...

I've spent a 3rd of my life with her and I can't see my future without her.

I've just fill in my goal setting sheet for IAPT and googled my scores. They show I have severe depression and anxiety. However I don't feel like it all the time just on and off throughout the day.
I'm thinking of trying NLP because I don't like the idea of meds