The how's everyone feeling thread - updates

[Suziewuzie]

What do your intrusive thoughts feel like? Are they basically just worried thoughts that appear to just pop in your head without any intention or manual thought process from you?

Ive been having those and Im trying to understand them. Do they have to have a certain subject matter or are intrusive thoughts just your brains own way of thinking?[COLOR="blue"]

[e.

Honestly I wish I could describe it. I would love to be able to put it down on paper so that I could better understand it - but I can't.
Say I'll be at work & outwardly I look fine, but in my head I'll randomly think "I can't do this. I can't be here. I'm not normal. I don't know what I'm doing"
But then a few minutes later I'll be ok, I'll think no I'm fine, it's just anxiety and I'm ignoring it. But then again, a few minutes later the bad thoughts hit and I think No you're not fine, this is more than anxiety, you're going mad.
And they just play on a loop!
It's only been the past few days really. I'm waking up in the night with a racing head and heart which I've never had before. I don't have the DP/DR as bad as I have done in the past, but there are elements of it there like familiar places seem strange sometimes & my memory is shocking, I have to remind myself what I've done the day before and it doesn't feel like I really did any of it.

These are new symptoms for me - the weird thoughts. I've never had them before.

[R1CH]

How's everyone today?

I'm nearly 3 weeks on 30mg now with 5 weeks in total. Can't say much is happening, I still feel horrible in the mornings which sometimes lasts all day. Starts off as a rumbling tummy and anxiety and then develops into depression due to being anxious!

I had a pretty good weekend, managed to get out and forget this rubbish and enjoyed times with my boys. I'm thinking of going up to 40mg soon.

Hope you are all doing ok, one day closer to recovery!!!!

Rich

[Mojo61]

Glad you managed to get out with your boys Rich and enjoyed a brief respite from your worries. Everyone says that people with anxiety should get out and exercise but it is easier said than done, especially if you live alone and have few friends. It's no fun pounding the streets on your own or walking around the park watching all the happy couples and wondering wtf happened to your own life!

Still, we soldier on don't we?

[R1CH]

Hi Mojo

You made me laugh, that's exactly the way I feel. not really funny I know. The other way of looking at is to think those happy couples are not really happy because most are not. I met with a friend on Friday and he did nothing but moan about his wife and how negative she is etc. etc.


You will be happy again I can guarantee that, it's just going to take some effort and perhaps force you to move outside your comfort zone, I know this is what I am starting to do.


Do you get out much, did you before your anxiety? for me I go to the gym a lot however I found that it makes me feel great afterwards (my brain is calm) but the next morning I'm dropped liked a stone again, like I'm coming down from a drug and it seems worse.

At the moment I have decreased my exercise considerably. I have started all sorts of hobbies over the last few years which has helped and if I don't have anyone to go with I think sod it I'm going on my own, something I don't like doing.

Where are you in the UK?

Rich

[Mojo61]

I'm in Kent. I live in a village so not much goes on around here. I lost my husband a few years back, he had a brain tumour so it is just me and my son now and he's 18 so obviously wants to be out with his mates or driving around in his car. That means I spend most of my time on my own as I don't see many people or have many friends, but that's my fault though because I have gradually cut myself off from friends and family over the years, I've become very insular for some reason and I don't like it because I always used to be such an outgoing and gregarious person, now I just feel like a shell of my former self.

---------- Post added at 12:28 ---------- Previous post was at 12:27 ----------

I think that's why the anxiety and depression took over, I started shutting myself off from people and not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. All the time my son was young he needed me but now he's an adult he doesn't need me anymore. I think that was the catalyst....

[23fish]

Mojo, your son will always need you. My eldest is 20 and is beginning to come out of that phase when he spent the whole day in his room. He's at uni now so I don't see him very often, but I can see that he may (at some point in the not too distant future) want to spend some time with me. Last time I took him back to uni he took me round Gloucester cathedral!
I can't remember if you're on meds? I'm on day 13 of Valdoxan, which is supposed to regulate sleep and is an ad as well. So far I have had some reasonable nights sleep but last night I heard 4 sleep hypnosis thingies and was wide awake at 7. Today I feel sick (it seems to play havoc with my stomach) and fed up as I have to go back to work tomorrow after the Easter holidays. I'm dreading it, even though I might feel better for being busy. I just seem to spend the whole day thinking about the physical symptoms.
Hope your day is going ok, and remember, you have friends here x

---------- Post added at 12:45 ---------- Previous post was at 12:44 ----------

Just read back to see you're in the early days of meds too. Surely they will kick in and start helping us soon!

[R1CH]

Sorry to hear about your husband, I can only imagine how awful that must of been.

You hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what this awful illness does to us. I reckon once you are settled on Citalopram your old self will be back for sure and you will think why the hell didn't I do this sooner. I have every faith so keep strong and we will all get there.

I think we should have a citalopram survivor party when we are all feeling good!

Rich

[Mojo61]

I'm up for that!

[R1CH]

I'm up for that!

[Mojo61]

Yuk, I've felt awful today. So tired, no motivation, foggy headed, feels like a hangover but I don't drink!

Took the neighbour's dogs out for a walk, it was a beautiful afternoon but I just couldn't appreciate the beauty of the surrounding countryside and just wanted to come home. I don't think taking the diazepam in the early hours is helping me either, I'm going to try and stop them I think.