Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[Jimbo]

Thanks,

I'm glad you found it interesting, I see so many BPD traits in a lot of people who suffer on this site too. I think it is more common than a lot of people realise. I guess we all suffer to a certain extent since it's just a wide spread of personality types.

I really should have a read back through this thread, it's been a long time since I posted it. I remember there being some eipc length posts on here.

(hope I'm not taking liberties by using this!!)

Nooo, not my pink cloud 9 smiley!

Jim

[Dying_Swan]

Yea I think you are right. I remember reading a little about it ages ago and thinking...'hey! that's me!'. But then I am excellent at diagnosing myself with allsorts. My therapist told me not to keep doing that, so I forgot all about it.

I think it is so important to make people aware of this condition, because, as you say, so many people do suffer from BPD traits. I was also happy to see that you didn't seem to be getting to bogged down with the 'label', and I think that really helps people to be more open-minded about such things. Whilst I think 'labels' (well, having a name for something) is useful in understanding what you're going through, I think it can also make things harder for people to come to terms with. So, well done you for seeing that it doesn't alter who you are, it just gives a name and explanation to some of the things you are feeling.

Couldn't help but notice the time you wrote the last post?!?! You sure are one early riser! I do hope you're feeling ok this morning.

Have a nice day and enjoy the sunshine

xxx

Last night I was so tired I thought the pink cloud was a duvet! Only when I saw the '9' did I realise it was a cloud lol

[Jimbo]

Thanks,

My sleep is a bit messed up at the moment, went back to bed after that and was snoozing for a while. Will be popping out into the garden for a bit to catch some sun.



Jim

[PanickyPolly]

Hiya guys...glad this thread is doing so well let's keep it up!!! No Jim haven't ben diagnosed with it although my previous CPN seemed to think I had it. Am waiting for an assessment. Really though, when you think about...as you say it doesn't really matter if a shrink says well yes you are BPD as long as we get therapy. I think I knew something was up wit me when an online friend told me she had it and i looked it up and it was just like reading about me. I then did an online test and came out at high risk. I basically tick evry single box of the critera whcih was scary at first but now I think well so what...it's not my fault I'm this way...it's not any of our faults. We're seeking help that's all we can do.

[Dying_Swan]

Good woman Polly. And good luck with getting therapy. Don't even consider 'fault'. It's just who you are and there's nothing wrong with who you are. Let's definitely keep this thread up....I really want to learn more. Not sure how helpful I can be, but I shall continue reading anyhow.

Have a lovely weekend y'all

xxx

[Under~The~Stars]

Polly, and Dying_Swan welcome aboard! Good to see you

Swan, it's been a while since I last spoke to you indeed! Will need to catch up. I have been having a hard time recently, just had loads going on, but thanks to everyone here, and a couple of other things I'm trying hard, which I suppose is all I can do really. How are you doing? Hope you are well

Polly, I really am impressed with your attitude towards the BPD, you sound like you have a lot of inner strength, keep talking to us, and just know that your not alone. We can totally relate to how you will be feeling

Really nice to see that people are interested in this thread, and offering support, means a lot. I'm sure Jim can back me up on that

Like Jim did with the symptoms of BPD that he has, I pm'd Jim with mines (wasn't brave enough to post) however, I might post them, will see what happens.

Thanks guys, hope you are all ok tonight

Lou xxx

[skylight2007]

Hey Jimbo, lou and everyone else, its been awhile jim , have to catch up on whats been happening to you guys!!! so far it seems as if you have been getting a suntan!!! hope you did, the day has been sooo beautiful today, here in london!!!!! I am brown enough so dont need to sit in the sun, but havent forgotten you guys, will be checking back to see how things are going for you all. lots of love. Sky

[Jimbo]

BBC breakfast today had a lot of news on the recent mental health bill that is being debated at the moment.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/6558529.stm

A lot of scary stuff in there for personality disorder sufferers including involuntary treatment and detention. I think it's more aimed at more serious PD's like psychopathic types that are prone to violence.

It just seems like yet more predjudice against us to me.

I guess it would have helped me back when my dad who had psychopathic personality disorder caused our family so many problems.

Wonder if anyone else had heard anything about it and wondered what they thought?

Jim

[smudgie]

Hi
Its great that some one has started a thread on personality disorder, I wanted too ages ago but the lack of info to help people here wasnt enough and I didnt want to scare people.
I have been diagnosed with border line personality disorder and im in a mess.
O.C.D, ANOREXIC,SELFHARM,OVERDOSES, all of which is just the tip of an iceberg. people dont understand how bad this illness is.

I hate myself so much, my looks and fly off the handle at anything . I live in a negative world because of my past. They have told us it developed because I had PTSD at 9yrs and left untreated until the preasure cooker exploded in August.
Ive included my story to let you know how it all started.
My life, its very complex and I wont bore you with it. I will bullet point it makes it easier.
Evil mother
Abuse from family friend 9/14yrs.
Anorexic from then.
Left home at 16yrs to get away from both, had my daughter at 18yrs.
Bad marriage, divorce.
Married again when daughter 10yrs old
Father died
Daughter became anorexic and in hospital until she was 17yrs old
Was told many times she wouldn’t make it.
Tried to leave hubby as I hated him, professor looking after her told me if I left and told her she would hold herself responsible and could die, she was never aware I wanted to leave.
Lived with him until May 2005.
Daughter was so happy and started to put on weight.
All through this time I had cod, my house was like a show home and was cleaning 6/8 hours away
Self cleaning , showers4/5 times away
If some one touched anything I would have to start the ritual again.
I worked as a social worker, caring for others instead of dealing with my own stuff, it just got buried away.
I was always angry but didn’t realise, huge rows with hubby but he started them and I would carry on for ¾ days.
I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, which was not treated.
I was not really aware of what could happen because I had so many worries.
5 yrs ago I met tm best friend and soul mate, never been able to trust anyone until I met him, Chris.
When I got divorced it was so natural that we got together, even my daughter said don’t mess this one up mum he is the best for you and I’ve never seen you so happy.
Chris has opened up my heart and allowed me to open up about all my secrets.
We married March 2006.
August 2006, my daughter now 20yrs told us she had been abused by my ex hubby. I’ve lost it and went down instantly . Police are involved and he has been arrested but we have to wait along time.
My daughter is in counselling and getting a lot of support.
Me , well where do I start, I went crazy, Was admitted into a mental unit for my own safety, due to self harm and retreating into myself not knowing what I was doing. I tried at one point to cut my face with a cheese grater.
In the end I was sectioned because I overdosed on home leave and my hubby found me unconscious, by the time the ambulance arrived id stopped breathing. I was in intensive care for the week and hubby told I might not pull through, I did but sectioned against my will and put back in the unit.
I self harm when ever and have done a lot of damage to my body. The pain is unbearable to cope with ,with what’s happened to my daughter.
So there’s the dreadful truth about ness, I told you it would be hard to read.
I hope you can cope with this.
So now its your turn, tell me what has been going on for you.?
Take your time and say what you want too.
Take care
nessxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jimbo]

Hey Ness,

Firstly a big hug for saying all of that, very brave. You've had a very difficult time and things will get better.

You can read my story way back on page 1 of this thread. I should really update as to what has happened since then. That was only up till March but it seems like a lifetime a go. I actually had to check that 3 times, lol. It seems like a year ago, feels like so mych has happened since then.

I had had my big OD back then and have been very up and down since. One thing that has remained constant is the anxiety and panic. This seems to have got worse and I have experienced some halucinations and rather disturbing things while very anxious. I've been put on a low dose of antipsychotic medication to try to reduce that.

I've had a few episodes of self harm along the way. Leading up to easter I was very depressed and wanted to end it all again. Fortunately the doc no longer gives me enough tablets to do any damage now cause I have to see her weekly. Over easter I stayed back home with my mum, who seemed very worried about me, said I was withdrawn and didn't really participate in anything. I felt very much out of my comfort zone while there, but I managed to get through the anxiety and got back home.

Since easter things seem to have taken on an even more bizzare twist, my mood seems to have slowly swung completely round to the oposite, I've been feeling very 'high' for the last week. Have been doing some rather strange things that isn't normally me. Spent loads of money on ebay and loads of cd's from amazon, I have barely no memory of doing that except for the e-mail receipts. The air condtioner I ordered I am quite looking forward to tho, lol!

Sent epic rambling pm's to one of my really good friends on here about some of my weirdest thoughts, then spent ages being paranoid about what I'd said. Thinking back over the last week seems odd, almost a total blur, I feel that I've been acting very irationally. I also got keep getting myself worked up that there is some sort of conspiracy going on with my GP and psychs that I can't really explain.

Had an argument and got quite irritated with my mum on the phone for no real reason the other day. Found out she's really ill at the moment which is also worrying.

My mind currently feels like it's just spinning and I can't concentrate on anything long enough to work out wtf is going on. I wake up each day and think, yikes did I really say / do that yesterday. I sort of feel a bit like I'm coming down from this mad over self confident high now and starting to go back to feeling hopeless, but I have been up all night completely unable to sleep tonight.

Still struggling with the panic and anxiety especially when outside of my house.

About to lose my job now I've been off for nearly 9 months which is a big worry. Plus dealing with the aftermath of my spending spree isn't going to be fun.

Thats the story so far I guess.

What treatment are you getting Ness? I'm starting DBT therapy sometime this month along with continuing all the meds.

Jim