Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[Jimbo]

Yikes, did I actually just click submit. :S

[jo61]

Wow Jimbo you're one brave man. I really hope things get better for you. In the face of adversity you've come through.

[Jimbo]

Phew, thank goodness its gone onto a new page now.

[Under~The~Stars]

Jim,

What a very brave post that was, and well done for being so honest - that must have been really tough for you, but you did it!

I'm so sorry that you had such a tough time in your childhood. I know it may not seem like it right now, but you have come through it all really well. There were times when you wanted to end your life, but you didn't, and that showed real courage. You have a lot of inner strength Jim, you may not see it right now - but it's that strength that is going to pull you through all of this.

Thankyou so much for writing about your life, I know it has certainly helped me and given me an insight into how you have been feeling etc - all I can say is how you thought and felt was very similar to me.

You know how you described about some of the symptoms of BPD that you have and others which you don't. Would it help if I did the same? Just to see where we are similar etc?

Jim, you are a very brave man - please keep fighting this fight as you can win! Just take small steps at a time.

You can pm me anytime you want, if you ever just need a chat or anything - I will always listen. Your not alone in any of this.

Well done again - bet you feel a little better now that you have said it, and it's not been to a doctor - in my eyes that's a good place to start. You have recognised it all, and learned a lot from it too. You will get there

A massive step forward for you will be tomorrow, and I wish you all the luck in the world - you keep fighting this! You can beat it!

(((((BIG HUG)))))

[Jimbo]

Thanks, it would be cool to hear about some of your experiences and symptoms. Don't feel you have to post, I know how hard it is to talk about these things and they are often complex and interweaving issues that can't be easily explained in a quick post.

I'm still not entirely sure / willing to accept it is BPD, but at least I'm open to posibly accepting it now. I still don't know a lot about it, all I'm going on is the stuff from MIND and google (sigh... i know!).

I feel like I'm ready for tomorrow, but still a bit scared. My printer is broke so I cant print any of it off, but I guess I'll just try to let things unfold naturally as they go with the therapist. I'm just taking one small step at a time. I don't want to go in there and start realing off pages of stuff, lol. I still have no idea what he's like, only seen his name on a letter so far.

You guys deserve ((((HUGS)))) for actually reading that epic, taking the time to reply and caring! Thanks for the encouragement for tomorrow.

Cheers,

Jim

[Jimbo]

I've just copied and pasted this next bit from my therapy thread. I guess you know my story now and this was my therapists explanation of BPD:

He said basically there are 2 sides to everyone’s personality. A logical mind and an emotional mind, these 2 overlap and in the middle where you have the wise mind. Everyone has a balance of the two and some people are more emotional and some people are more logical, both types are totally normal.

BPD occurs when you get a person who is on the emotional side of the scale and who have had what they call an 'invalidating environment' while growing up, like not feeling loved, neglected, abused, etc. Because often the emotions they experienced were 'invalidated' or ignored, perhaps told they were wrong to experience them, like being told not to cry or not experiencing enough care and understanding of them when they were upset or not enough praise when they were happy. People with BPD learn to cope with emotions in the wrong way. This means that a person with BPD has a problem controlling their emotions and will often seem to move between extremes of the 2 personality types. Either experiencing intense and uncontrollable emotions like sadness and fear or numb and unable to experience other emotions like love or happiness.

He wasn't interested in hearing all the stuff from my past, the therapy is sposed to be focussing on the way I feel now rather than going back over all that stuff. But he would listen with a sympathetic ear if I wanted to talk about it.

It's not that I want people to feel sorry for me or get attention that I posted all that, just want people to understand what I think may have caused the problems I have now. I think I've pretty much got it all sorted out in my head as to why... but now I just have to work out how to sort it out... easier said than done. :P

Jim

[Under~The~Stars]

Hey Jim,

Just wanted to say that I really appreciate you posting here about all of this.

I felt really alone before, but now I don't feel as alone. Thankyou for being so brave and honest.

Your right in what you say - you are beginning to understand why things are how they are , and now you need to find out how to change things for the better. You will get the tools, and support on how to change things from the DBT. But just remember that you don't have to do it all on your own. We are all here to support you. You can pm me anytime

[Jimbo]

Cheers Louise, that post made me feel really good! (ahh, my favourite smiley again)


Jim

[skylight2007]

jim, hiya there, phew!!!!! I have just finished reading your post about your life, thank you for taking the time to share your story, you have said so much and have experienced so much, it just makes me think how amongst all the negative feelings and experineces you had, their is within you a certain strength. I understand about only showing the world what you want them to see, Our we really ugly inside, I dont think so Jim, its the feelings and experience that we hide because their is always that thought about what will others think of us and will they run a mile.
I have been thinking alot of this post regardine boarderline personality disorder and because of this I now wonder if mum suffered from this. I could never ever understand why she would never remove my violent father, the things he did and put us through , she just couldnt see the pain, this is idealisation I believe and the fear of being alone. There is alot for me to think about with your post, but really just wanted to say thanks for the courage to share your life and letting us into your private world. sincere wishes and hope your therapy goes well for you.

Love skylight

[Jimbo]

Thanks Skylight,

It makes for some difficult reading, your a star for actually gettiing to the end of it all and replying. I really hope it helps other people realise what this condition is. Apparantly it is more common than a lot of people realise. 2-3% of the population, from what I've read, and a much higher % of people who suffer from panic and anxiety disorders actually have this too.

It's not a widely recognised condition so probably a lot more people have it than is actually diagnosed.

I think the main indicator of it is having had the 'invalidating' childhood which causes the problems in handling your emotions. Staying in a difficult relationship isn't always because of BPD, I know my mum doesn't suffer from it, but she had real trouble leaving the relationship with my dad more because of fear of what might happen. In my case, I'm more fearful about getting into a relationship because of the fear of the emotions of getting hurt, if that makes sense?

Thanks again for reading,

Jim