Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

[Under~The~Stars]

Awwww Jim, I'm glad what I wrote made you feel good - I meant every word hun And you got to use your fave smilie too!

I will pm you what I was going to pm you - the symptoms etc that I have. And we can chat more if you want to.

(((((HUGS)))))

[Under~The~Stars]

Jim, now I feel good because I made you feel good LOL if that makes sense! (I stole your smilie sorry LOL)

Just thought I would share that with you

[skylight2007]

This means that a person with BPD has a problem controlling their emotions and will often seem to move between extremes of the 2 personality types. Either experiencing intense and uncontrollable emotions like sadness and fear or numb and unable to experience other emotions like love or happiness.

Hiya there Jim, I spent the evening thinking about your post especially the above, I agree I am finding it hard to understand BPD, but I cant stop thinking of my dad!!! I use to describe my father as a jekyll and hyde personality, now I understand violent and abusive men do swing from one extreme to the other, like he did, and my father well during his mood swings, he just seem to mix all his emotions , he just couldnt stand any laughter, any happiness, anything good, he just seemed to hate these emotions in his family, I use to find this extremly confusing, and the guilt of trying to feel normal just wasnt happening for myself and my brothers. He also had this concept which he would keep preaching, that the world outside was a human jungle, and we should never ever trust anyone on the outside, because from his point of view, you just couldnt trust anyone . Ironically in the home he was the abuser and we couldnt trust him. Everything about him was back to front, upside down.
Because of your post I am just exploring, and I dont know if my father had this condition, its hard to know, but its got me thinking!!!

He also suffered from depression and was a heavy heavy drinker, well I was brought up with an alcoholic father, that only made him worse, but he suffered abandonment and lost his mum when he was 9, I have tried to understand him and maybe he had this disorder who knows, but it might explain what you were saying, many people have it but never been diagnosed.
I hear what you were saying about getting hurt in relationships,, maybe that is something that may be explored in your therapy.

I am glad you started this post, and I am really trying to understand BPD, I just have this feeling this is what my dad had. Thanks Jim.

Love skylight.

[Jimbo]

Hey Skylight,

Having an abusive father is horrible, I know, sorry you've had to deal with it too.

It took me a lot of counselling and seeing my psychiatrist to find that I might be showing some of the traits of this disorder, so I'm be no means an expert on it... yet.

I think so called 'personality disorders' are so wide ranging and there are a lot of different types, but boil down to "A personality disorder may be diagnosed when it's felt that several areas of someone's personality are causing them or others problems in everyday life".

I guess it's just a 'label' that psychiatrists use to diagnose people who behave in socially or personally unacceptable ways, so your father could well fall into that sort of thing. I know my father was abusive, he was eventually diagnosed with a 'personality disorder' albeit more serious and totally different to mine.

The anger toward family members part of BPD comes from fear of abandonment or rejection. I'm not sure where the anger from your father came from so it might not necessarily be BPD but could perhaps be, and what you described to me sounds like some sort of 'personality disorder', especially the part where you talked about how he deals with emotions and how they could change suddenly.

Any sort of anger, except towards myself, is not really a symptom I have or has caused too many problems for me personally. I am the total opposite end of the scale, anger is an emotion I am pretty good at over controlling, for me being assertive when I should be is more of a problem.

This quote came from the bpd part of the US NIMH (National Institute Of Mental Health) Website:

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.

For me, I would say this is not really a symptom I have, things like this have come up from time to time in the past for me. But I do have a lot of fears of abandonment, rejection and losing relationships. For me it doesn't normally come out as anger, thankfully, but it does cause me some intense and difficult to deal with emotions.

I think the whole relationships thing is going to dealt with in detail in the DBT I'm doing, which is great. Hopefully it will help me with the fears I have about that.

The most important thing for me, is dealing with the anxiety and panic disorder side of my condition.

Jim

[Jimbo]

Yikes, that came out a bit long and sounded a bit me, me, me.

I guess what I was trying to say was, your dad sounds like he does have some sort of personality disorder, but not neccassarily BPD.

To get better, he has to want to get better tho, and accept he has a problem, which is the hardest part.

Jim

[skylight2007]

morning jim, I shall get back to you later!!! iinteresting!!! you got my brains cells working overtime!!! love skylight

[skylight2007]

Hey jim dont worry, what you said was just fine, it didnt sound, all me me me!!! I understand the points your were making!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wrote about my controlling thoughts and feelings in my post, I spoke about my parents their, so maybe you could have a read. love skylight

[Jimbo]

Thanks Skylight,

I had a read through your post: "Controlling thoughts and feelings", you sound exactly like me in the way you grew up and the way you felt you were constantly struggling to control your emotions and feelings. Especially with your feeling 'hypersensitive', sleep problems, anxiety and panic attacks.

I think mishandling the way we control our emotions is the main part of BPD. It's described as a 'disorder of emotion regulation'.

You obviously made the link between what happened in your childhood and recognised this was what was causing you problems. It took me a long time to see this link myself. I knew I'd had a terrible childhood, but didn't see the link between that and how I'm feeling now. I just felt that all that was in the past and forgotten about, I didn't realise how much it had affected me.

I'm glad that you have come through it, you sounded like you were feeling much better now?

Jim

[skylight2007]

Jim, thanks for reading that post , sounds familiar doesnt it.!!! and am I feeling better, you bet Jim its taken years, I think for some of us we never ever realise just how much of the past links with our anxieites today, I learned that when I was doing my writing therapy.
I do feel my father suffered from this Jim, on one hand he would tell me how much he loved my mother, and on the other hand he was violent. His fear was obviously based on mixed emotions, that love hate thing, good bad, etc...... his fears of abandoment and rejection, were totally confusing, he needed my mother for his own insecurities whilst at the same time, controlling her with fear an us, were for my mother she became totally dependant on him, losing all her confidence, because he insulted all her friends, who in turn never came back, he destroyed family occasions, such as birthdays, outings, and christmas. Any thing good he just destroyed our memories of what happiness could feel like.
I find the information you have written here fasinating, been a thinker, dont know if thats a good thing, but its certainly making me look back to how my father use to be.
What you mentioned Jim about overcontrolled anger!!!!!!!!!!!! now that rang a bell for me!!!
I witnessed so much violence and unacceptable behaviour , with the distorted perceptions from my dad, I had internalised my anger rather than acting it out like he did. I only ever witnessed anger as a destructive force, being acted out verbally and phyiscally. only when I began writing did I come appreciate anger in a healthy way, its ok to talk about strong emotions and still feel safe!!!!!!!!!! which is were I am at in my life now.
And of course my fathers anger was how everyone else was making him feel, everyone else was responsible for how he acted and behaved, even normal things Jim like I said , being happy, being sad, we made to feel guilty for being normal, because he couldnt comprehend between what was acceptable from what was not acceptable . hope that makes sense. All his emotions were distorted and muddled, sometimes I wonder how come I am sane!!!

I hope you continue to share how your coming along, I feel as if your gonna
be making more connections and moving forward in your therapy. Thanks so much for sharing Jim. This post is real eyeopener for me!!!! love skylight

[Jimbo]

Aww, thanks, I'm glad it's been useful to you. I get to use my fav smiley again.

I will definately keep posting how things go. I've got my other thread on the DBT itself. I know it's gonna take a lot of work to learn to deal with this.

I've got a big test for my panic coming up this weekend (see my other post). So the anxiety side of me is getting on top of me a bit right now.

It's inspirational how you managed to get through it and get your life back. I hope I can do the same.

Jim