A positive experience

[Suziewuzie]

I noticed there's a few new people posting here lately, and I know how desperate I was to hear positive stories when I first started so I thought I would share my own in the hope it makes people feel a little bit of hope for the future.

I was started on Citalopram after being unable to tolerate the start-up effects of sertraline. I was started on it for anxiety & severe panic attacks which left me unable to go to work & unable to leave my house. At my worst point I wasnt sleeping, wasn't eating, wasn't going out, was plagued by intrusive thoughts and genuinley believed that I was going mad. I spent many dark days googling my symptoms, sure that I was schizophrenic or something worse.

After 4 weeks on citalopram I had the occasional good day but then I became deeply depressed. I struggled to get out of bed, nothing made me happy, I felt completely unable to connect with anyone. The anxiety had eased but I felt like I'd been left with something much worse & it scared me. I never thought I'd be able to live a normal life again, go for days out, belly laugh at things. I was hopeless.

When I very first 'got bad' I wrote a list of goals that I wanted to achieve - go back to work, go for a night out - just little things like that. Now after more than 10 weeks on citalopram I've finally ticked everything off my list and am living a normal life. I don't feel scared all day every day, I don't have intrusive thoughts, my heart doesn't race as soon as I open my eyes in the morning, I don't feel total despair, I can sit and feel complete peace, I can laugh at things, I can open up to people. I feel almost like my old self & that's all I ever wanted.

I'm still scared that my anxiety will come back, but I know that if it does then I can deal with it and I wont go back to those dark days.

My GP told me I could expect to see improvement in 2 weeks, but honestly it took at least 4 weeks before I saw any improvement and even then it was small. It's been such a long & rough road and I'm so happy that I'm finally almost through it. Everyones journey is unique and what we all think of as being 'cured' is different but for me it's this - just being able to sit here on a sunday morning feeling peaceful, enjoying the sunshine, not feeling terrified of the week ahead.

I didn't just rely on the tablet to make me feel better, because I believe it's the way that I think which makes me the feel the way I do, and tablets can't change the way I think. I read self help books, I listened to audios, I wrote about how I felt, I set myself daily tasks and I practised meditation. But I couldn't have mustered the energy to do all that without the tablets so I'm really grateful.

Anyway - sorry for the essay! If you're just starting out on citalopram, just hang in there. I promise it gets better - just probably not as quickly as you would like! X

[Mojo61]

Thank you for you positive post Suzie. It is great to know that you are finally getting to enjoy life and look forward to things, as that is how it should be. You have given me encouragement not to give up hope because I'm only 9 days in on citalopram 10mg and it is doing nothing except making me more anxious and lacking in motivation. I know it is not an instant cure, but if I can at least see a glimmer of light I will be happier.

---------- Post added at 10:31 ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 ----------

It's like you say - it is a beautiful Sunday morning out there yet I'm still laying in bed feeling anxious, sick and miserable. I'd love to once again open the curtains and look out at the beautiful sunshine and think "Ohh, what shall I do today?" :(

[Suziewuzie]

I'm only on 10mg too & the first month was really tough. After 4 weeks I actually decided to stop taking it because I was so sure it wasn't helping me at all. But I'm so glad I stuck with it!
It's cruel that these things take such time to work & make us feel worse along the way but it's worth it when you finally get back to your old self x

---------- Post added at 10:41 ---------- Previous post was at 10:33 ----------

Thank you for you positive post Suzie. It is great to know that you are finally getting to enjoy life and look forward to things, as that is how it should be. You have given me encouragement not to give up hope because I'm only 9 days in on citalopram 10mg and it is doing nothing except making me more anxious and lacking in motivation. I know it is not an instant cure, but if I can at least see a glimmer of light I will be happier.

---------- Post added at 10:31 ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 ----------

It's like you say - it is a beautiful Sunday morning out there yet I'm still laying in bed feeling anxious, sick and miserable. I'd love to once again open the curtains and look out at the beautiful sunshine and think "Ohh, what shall I do today?" :(

I have felt exactly like this. It was as if someone had turned off all the lights inside of me and nothing brought me joy. I remember driving down a country lane a few weeks ago with the sun shining, windows down, music blasting - and I felt nothing. Nothing at all. And it troubled me so much, I thought how can this not make me feel lovely? All the things that used to make me feel good just stopped making me feel anything. Even little things like treating myself to a big iced coffee with cream from Starbucks - it just felt like what's the point, how did I ever feel joy from this?
But I kept doing it anyway & now I absolutely do

I've spent so many sunny days stuck inside & missed out on so many social things because of anxiety. My bed was my safe place & outside was just scary and required so much effort. But you will get there! Don't beat yourself up for it, you need to let your mind have a little rest from the world sometimes x

[ss2016]

I'm only on 10mg too & the first month was really tough. After 4 weeks I actually decided to stop taking it because I was so sure it wasn't helping me at all. But I'm so glad I stuck with it!
It's cruel that these things take such time to work & make us feel worse along the way but it's worth it when you finally get back to your old self x

---------- Post added at 10:41 ---------- Previous post was at 10:33 ----------



I have felt exactly like this. It was as if someone had turned off all the lights inside of me and nothing brought me joy. I remember driving down a country lane a few weeks ago with the sun shining, windows down, music blasting - and I felt nothing. Nothing at all. And it troubled me so much, I thought how can this not make me feel lovely? All the things that used to make me feel good just stopped making me feel anything. Even little things like treating myself to a big iced coffee with cream from Starbucks - it just felt like what's the point, how did I ever feel joy from this?
But I kept doing it anyway & now I absolutely do

I've spent so many sunny days stuck inside & missed out on so many social things because of anxiety. My bed was my safe place & outside was just scary and required so much effort. But you will get there! Don't beat yourself up for it, you need to let your mind have a little rest from the world sometimes x

I am in the same position too, but i know things will be better in a few weeks. Glad to hear you are feeling better Suziewuzie. I can not wait for those days to come

[Suziewuzie]

I think when you *know* things are going to get better then that's half the battle. It's just about being patient & waiting for the good days to come then, but you know they will so just keep plodding on! X

[Jaysmd]

Yay Suzie! Good to hear from you. I'm so proud

[Suziewuzie]

Thank you Jay! I was almost scared to post because I feel like I'm tempting fate & will wake up tomorrow feeling dreadful again, but I feel like if I do then So what? It didn't kill me last time & it won't do this time.
How have things been for you on 40mg? X

[Jaysmd]

Getting there very slowly. 4 weeks my arse! 10 and a half weeks and only now things are getting a little better

[Suziewuzie]

Slowly is still progress. They really need to get real & stop telling people that 2-4 weeks will see progress, it's so disheartening. I actually think week 5-6 were the worst weeks for me.

[Jaysmd]

Week 9 and 10 were when I started to notice change. What a long ongoing process