Citalopram Withdrawal, worst anxiety of my life.

[Bramwell1]

I'm just on week five of cold turkey from Cit 10mg which I had to stop as it was making me so ill, so I feel for you. I was on them for eight weeks of hell.
I had unrelenting acute anxiety all weekend and just couldn't see why. Way beyond anything I had before taking the tablets or even on them. I had patches of it last week too.
I spent three weeks throwing up and now have lost so much weight. I'm trying to eat but have little interest.
I wish so much that I'd never taken the tablets in the first place.

[Emphyrio]

This story sounds very similar to mine. It sounds like you are experiencing a condition called akathisia - a lot of the time it is related to antipsychotic use, but it is also caused by antidepressants, either when taking them or when withdrawing from them. The physical effects include restlessness, agitation, inability to sit still etc, while the mental effects include terror, intrusive thoughts, panic states - basically like an intense anxiety for no reason. I've had it and still experience it to this day, but it comes and goes.

What I would do in your situation is to reinstate citalopram at 5mg - a lot of people don't realise how powerful these drugs are. You may find that this dose may lower your anxiety while minimising the side effects. You could ride it out but there is no guarantee that you will heal quickly - in the worst cases, some people take a few years. At least at 5mg you could wait to stabilise, and then taper slowly from this dose once you feel ready to.

I'd avoid any other classes of antidepressants or long-term benzo use unless absolutely necessary.

[LiveAboveIt]

This story sounds very similar to mine. It sounds like you are experiencing a condition called akathisia - a lot of the time it is related to antipsychotic use, but it is also caused by antidepressants, either when taking them or when withdrawing from them. The physical effects include restlessness, agitation, inability to sit still etc, while the mental effects include terror, intrusive thoughts, panic states - basically like an intense anxiety for no reason. I've had it and still experience it to this day, but it comes and goes.

What I would do in your situation is to reinstate citalopram at 5mg - a lot of people don't realise how powerful these drugs are. You may find that this dose may lower your anxiety while minimising the side effects. You could ride it out but there is no guarantee that you will heal quickly - in the worst cases, some people take a few years. At least at 5mg you could wait to stabilise, and then taper slowly from this dose once you feel ready to.

I'd avoid any other classes of antidepressants or long-term benzo use unless absolutely necessary.

Really, really don't want to reinstate. However, I don't think this is akathisia. I did have classic akathisia immediately after starting on 20mg Fluexotine to help as a bridge while trying to taper off of Effexor XR 37.5mg. My Psychiatrist mentioned that he thought it might have been brought on by mild Serotonin Syndrome because of taking both meds at the same time, but I never really looked into this.

But yes, it was awful. I had to pace around the house or outside of the house for 2 weeks straight, even AFTER I discontinued the Prozac. I was in a constant panic and the only thing that brought even a shred of relief was pacing and moving. I have no idea how I managed to sleep, other than the fact that my mind and body was completely exhausted by the end of the night. I still suffered with extreme insomnia for the following weeks, only getting 2-4 hours a night of broken sleep.

This doesn't feel like that, unless akathisia can present itself in purely mental symptoms. I'm able to sit/lay down, play games, have conversations, etc. It just feels like one half of my brain is completely dedicated and locked into constant introspection and obsession/fixation about the way I feel, and the more I try to escape the stronger it gets. I've had severe anxiety over the fact that I can't turn it off, but I'm getting slightly better at coping and practicing acceptance in the fact that its here for right now and I cant force it away.

Does that still sound like akathisia to you?

I've made so much progress already since discontinuing the Citalopram and have already had half days that I felt happy and genuinely less anxious. I had constant severe brain fog/mental confusion and trouble thinking/processing thought both on the drug and coming off of it. I'm about Day 25 off of the Citalopram and I only just started noticing an improvement in this area a few days ago. I really don't want to go through that all over again. I just want to be able to not worry or fixate on everything so much and just stop the constant chatter and negative thoughts in my mind.

[Emphyrio]

It doesn't sound like typical akathisia to be fair, but still unpleasant nonetheless. If you feel you are better off the citalopram and that things are starting to improve then I guess all you need to do is try to be kind to yourself and your body. I personally think that a lot of my issues stem from alcohol use from when I was in university the first time - if I hadn't started drinking, I don't think that I would have developed various anxiety issues. Its pretty unfair in that some people can drink loads of alcohol and suffer no psychiatric problems, whereas others like myself can have moderate alcohol consumption and experience issues because of it. Its a shame as I really enjoy a beer/getting drunk.

[R1CH]

Not a problem. I have been on them fine in the past, but this time they caused a ton of severe side effects that persisted all 5 weeks. Blurred vision, High BP, Increased Anxiety, Emotional Numbing, IBS Issues. The main side effect for me was cognitive impairment. It was causing severe mental confusion and memory issues, slurred words, brain fog, etc. It was severe enough to keep me from functioning. This was on 20mg.

After lowering down to 10mg, a lot of the side effects greatly diminished. I considered that 20mg was too high of a dose and that maybe I should stay on 10mg, but I was too afraid that the cognitive issues were permanent and I was worried that it wasnt the pill, so I wanted to discontinue it partially to check and also to feel normal again because the side effects were so distressing this time around.

They persisted a couple weeks after discontinuation, but have diminished to the point that I rarely notice them anymore.

I do consider getting back on them, but I hate the idea of being on meds and I cant seem to ever stop worrying about the side effects long enough to deal with my anxiety. I want to see if I can do it on my own. Its proving to be a difficult task.

I had all these side effects and more and was hospitalised second time around. It took 9 - 10 weeks to be able to function properly. It was truly horrendous so I know where you're at. I was on my own too and had no partner to support me. I know its hard but I would consider going back on the drug or trying something else. Not sure this is what you want to hear but sometimes we need these things. The important thing here is to make sure you have some drugs to assist the on boarding process like a benzo. If your current pdoc is not providing this go to somebody else. I am on week 5 and still take a benzo in the morning to help me (only 2mg) but I can tell you it makes all the difference.

Rich

[LiveAboveIt]

I had all these side effects and more and was hospitalised second time around. It took 9 - 10 weeks to be able to function properly. It was truly horrendous so I know where you're at. I was on my own too and had no partner to support me. I know its hard but I would consider going back on the drug or trying something else. Not sure this is what you want to hear but sometimes we need these things. The important thing here is to make sure you have some drugs to assist the on boarding process like a benzo. If your current pdoc is not providing this go to somebody else. I am on week 5 and still take a benzo in the morning to help me (only 2mg) but I can tell you it makes all the difference.

Rich

Today the first half of my day was actually decent and I almost felt like I was on my way to feeling normal.. Then everything kind of went to hell.. Its always physical first, I can feel myself kind of tunnel vision and feel tired, headachey. When the anxiety sets in i automatically begin questioning every thought I have and lose sense of myself. Its no longer a normal feeling anxiety scenario.. It feels like my entire sense of reality changes where I beginnto question the meaning to everything and nothing feels normal. Even watching tv and movies about the zombie apocalypse shakes me, almost as if its possible or the idea of it is scary.

I dont understand how I can go from feeling almost normal, to questioning my reality. Anxiety has never done this to me, its almost like I cant even trust myself and I dont know which thoughts are real/mine.

Is this just normal anxiety stuff? Do you ever remember feeling this way during withdrawal and did it go away for you? Has anyone ever experienced this?

[R1CH]

Hi Live

you sound like you are having a really rough time and I sympathise with you. I still think this is severe anxiety, you are not going mad or anything like that. At my worst I was the same as you, not on withdrawal but on boarding citalopram. All your thoughts are just anxious thoughts, what else can they be?
I couldn't watch anything violent, gruesome or aggressive in anyway, it made me feel physically sick and odd, hard to describe. It sounds to me as there is also a bit of derealisation going on as well i.e. the tunnel vision.

Can you see your doctor and chat with him.

Keep strong dude.

Rich

[Suziewuzie]

Hi Live,

I did reply in the other thread about the intrusive thoughts. Everything you're feeling is very similar to my own feelings. I can look and act OK too but inwardly I'm questioning everything & things just don't feel real, it's not the severe DP/DR I've had in the past but more like a milder, constant feeling of unease. Very hard to describe. I don't like getting engrossed in films about zombies or alternative universes or dreams because it messes with my perception on life. I don't feel like I have a full grip on reality at times.
Outwardly - I'm functioning fine. Even when I think 'I cannot get through today' I still manage to go to work, do a food shop, tidy the house and make dinner etc. But then i'll sit and think 'What the heck have I been doing today? Have I really been at work?' It all feels very dreamlike.

Nothing has changed in my life at all so I can only assume this is all down to extreme anxiety.

[Nessy99]

Today the first half of my day was actually decent and I almost felt like I was on my way to feeling normal.. Then everything kind of went to hell.. Its always physical first, I can feel myself kind of tunnel vision and feel tired, headachey. When the anxiety sets in i automatically begin questioning every thought I have and lose sense of myself. Its no longer a normal feeling anxiety scenario.. It feels like my entire sense of reality changes where I beginnto question the meaning to everything and nothing feels normal. Even watching tv and movies about the zombie apocalypse shakes me, almost as if its possible or the idea of it is scary.

I dont understand how I can go from feeling almost normal, to questioning my reality. Anxiety has never done this to me, its almost like I cant even trust myself and I dont know which thoughts are real/mine.

Is this just normal anxiety stuff? Do you ever remember feeling this way during withdrawal and did it go away for you? Has anyone ever experienced this?

The lack of reality you are feeling is classic SSRI withdrawal. I had it with Sertraline last summer. It almost hit me hardest at different points in the day. I could be fine for a few hours and then my vision would start getting blurry and i'd feel spaced out, unreal and scared. It was worse if i was in crowds. I had never felt like that before in all my life.

Your nerves have become sensitised by the drugs. No more no less, although i know how horriblw it is. However, you aren't losing the plot. Always remember that when you feel bad. The fact you are experiencing better half-days where you almost feel normal proves you are recovering. This is a a great sign! Full recovery won't happen overnight but will continue to happen just as you are now experiencing it. Two steps forward, one step back until it becomes nothing but a mild nuisance and then vanishes all together.

Stay strong and try to avoid the SSRI's until you feel a lot lot better or they may set you off feeling bad again.

Best of luck, and remember it will pass and is already starting to improve!!

[LiveAboveIt]

Thank you very much for all of the responses. Suzie, Nessy, Rich and anyone else that I missed. You guys are really helping me out and one of the only things that are helping me stay strong enough to get through this. I really appreciate it.

Yesterday was a decent day, but I do notice moments where I feel extremely afraid for no reason but I just do my best to ignore it. Other than that I notice that Im extremely angry and aggressive at the drop of a hat. I get so irritable and annoyed for no reason. If I get into an arguement with somebody, I notice that if I get really angry I get dizzy and almost feel like Im going to pass out for a moment, which is kind of terrifying.

I hate this person I have become because of these withdrawals, I used to be so laidback and chill. But Im pushing on and constantly apologizing.

Other than that, the only thing I struggle with is a little bit of mind chatter and automatic negative thoughts. This can cause a bit of fear at times because I dont always feel like Im running the show in my head, but I know anxiety can cause your thinking to become anxious and doubtful, whether you like it or not.

Gonna keep moving along, things are slowly getting better. Thank you again. Day 27 off meds.

---------- Post added at 14:10 ---------- Previous post was at 10:43 ----------

So Im experiencing a lot of brain fog today or just feeling out of it. Its so annoying. Its almost like being drugged or hungover and you just dont feel mentally clear. I definitely still have anxiety because I notice myself questioning whether or not I have always felt like this, because I cant remember what normal feels like. Been feeling this way for far too long.

Is that also a symptom of withdrawal? I know that I felt this way while I was on it, but I guess I expected to over this after being off of it for a month.