The world is frightening and foreign. Am I going insane?

[LiveAboveIt]

This all started after a severe constant anxiety that lasted about 3 months brought on by withdrawals from Effexor XR and Citalopram.

It feels like Im somewhere else or .. I dont know. In another reality or just not grounded. I dont have any misconceptions about whats real.. I just cant shake this intense foreign feeling and these thoughts about what if nothing is real.. almost like I have this higher understanding unlocked and my brain cant handle it.. I dont know if this makes any sense.. Just strange irrational thoughts that I know are stupid but they terrify me anyway. I feel almost like Im going mental. Im able to keep it together but what the hell causes this feeling and does it go away? It makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I keep glancing at people and wondering what they are thinking and this terrifies me for some reason. Normal things dont make sense to me anymore. I feel stuck or trapped in my own head, almost like the idea of always being in a first person perspective terrifies me. It doesnt make any sense as to why I am suddenly afraid of these things.

Sometimes this feeling goes away or becomes mild on its own, it fluctuates in severity.

My main fear is that it cant be undone. I just want to feel normal again and not think about/fear this otherworldly shit.

I feel like Im losing touch with reality. Is this Schizophrenia or something?

[MyNameIsTerry]

No, it's not Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a very different to what you are describing. People tend to think of those disorders because the people are out of touch with reality but there is a massive difference to how you are describing it and there are other symptoms too like issues in how they speak, yet you are completely clear and in my opinion as someone who has been reading your threads before this started, no different in how you speak or put your points across. It's a key check made to look for such issues in speech in Thought Disorders like Schizophrenia.

What you are describing does sound like DP/DR issues, maybe some Solipsism in there too in questioning life and what it means?

It does go away. There are people on here who will tell you that better than I can, some of whom I've spoken to and they have explained it comes as a result of greatly raised anxiety or from panic attacks. Some from traumatic experience. I think you will easily fall into those catagories with all you have been through lately.

To work on being grounded again, have you thought of trying grounding exercises? These are advised for DP/DR.

I can certainly think of others who have mentioned other dimensions, seeing the world like waking in the matrix and questioning everything. It isn't some higher form of realisation, we aren't reaching enlightenment of some kind (think how Buddhists spend their lives working towards that) but with mental health disorders we can experience changes in how we think e.g. Cognitive Distortions are a common set of them. Equally the same feeling of realisation can occur in recovery too. I know because I've experiencing them, where I think they are called Cognitive Shifts.

[LiveAboveIt]

Thanks, Terry. I feel a bit better about it now. I just hate the way all of this feels. I guess it makes sense that it would be brought on by prolonged severe anxiety. My anxiety appears to jump from one aspect to another, usually between this feeling and then about the seemingly uncontrollable thoughts that I have. It feels like it has a mind of its own now or atleast points my brain in the direction it wants. I miss being able to not judge or notice my thoughts so much, now it feels like I constantly fight with them and Ill never be at peace with myself.

Just recently started Sertraline 25mg to help with the anxiety since I couldnt seem to tolerate even a lower dose of Citalopram. Sertraline seems a lot cleaner for me and doesnt leave me feeling drugged, hopefully it remains this way.

I also take .25mg Clonazepam when the anxiety seems overwheliming. Its just a bandaid and doesnt actually fix anything.

I dont know how to come to terms with not being able to control my mind and what I think/how I think it. I feel so disconnected.

I will have to research the grounding techniques. How do you fix a cognitive shift once you are afraid of it? Just like this thought thing, Im afraid of normal thinking and it is so irrational. Would the Sertraline help with this?

Also.. My psychiatrist wants me on Lamictal, but I kindly refused because I dont even know what antipsychotics do or how they work. Are they warranted for this type of situation?

[MyNameIsTerry]

A recent thread about grounding techniques:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=182865

There is plenty out there on Google though.

There are plenty of people on here taking antipsychotics like olanzapine, quetiapine, etc. They would be able to tell you how they felt on them. They are not for long term use though as they have side effects such as metabolic change (olanzapine is one I know does) but long term is more for people who truly need them, those with disorders other than anxiety ones.

Lamictal is actually an anti-convulsant, per a quick Google, used for epilepsy. This might be interesting as Pregabalin is another one and some people find this one helps and it is known for minor side effects on start up compared to SSRI/SNRI's. Perhaps the knowledgable guys on the Preg board (hanshan, Smilingalbert, etc) may know of it? Getting anti-convulsants for anxiety is hard over here as they tend to be expensive so the NHS try their best to dissuade us on them.

The Sertraline may help, yes. Any antidepressant really, it's just another element of an anxiety disorder. But they only take the edge off and the rest comes down to you working on changing any negative beliefs, facing fears, etc...all the usual really. Such shifts are no more than when we start to fear going into a supermarket and anything similar, just treat it as a new negative belief and work to change it. The same process that created this association with a fear response will create new beliefs that are positive, but it takes a bit longer than creating a negative belief since the survival mechanism embeds quicker for obvious reasons.

[LiveAboveIt]

It makes sense. Im having a lot of trouble dealing with this on my own. I believe I have developed a fear of thinking because of anxiety. I will have frightening thoughts when I think about going to do something to distract myself. The thought is usually "You cant do anything else, because you cant stop thinking about the anxiety and you will be stuck on that thoughy." Its something like that, more of a feeling than an articulated thought. The thing is... immediately after the thought, I feel frightened and trapped in my mind almost right away.. Like reality changes and the thought comes true. Obviously Im not stuck or trapped, but I have a serious dread in my stomach and the fact that I really cant stop fixating on the severe anxiety only seems to reinforce my fearful thought.

It just feels like thoughts provoke a fear response that is crippling and too severe to work/think through.

This is the strangest anxiety I have ever had. This is why I feel crazy and hopeless at times. I cant inagine the Sertraline will be able to help with this at all. Its like an irrational fear has become real.

If your thoughts are strong enough to actually affect your reality, can it really just be severe anxiety? Please tell me the Sertraline will help keep these thoughts from overwhelming me so I can actually deal with them..

Clonazepam doesnt quite cut it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It makes sense. Im having a lot of trouble dealing with this on my own. I believe I have developed a fear of thinking because of anxiety. I will have frightening thoughts when I think about going to do something to distract myself. The thought is usually "You cant do anything else, because you cant stop thinking about the anxiety and you will be stuck on that thoughy." Its something like that, more of a feeling than an articulated thought. The thing is... immediately after the thought, I feel frightened and trapped in my mind almost right away.. Like reality changes and the thought comes true. Obviously Im not stuck or trapped, but I have a serious dread in my stomach and the fact that I really cant stop fixating on the severe anxiety only seems to reinforce my fearful thought.

It just feels like thoughts provoke a fear response that is crippling and too severe to work/think through.

I can understand that, this has been (and still is) one of my big battles since relapse and this med. Ambivalence.

It's not the same as yours as mine focusses on not doing physical things. It will tell me I can't or that I must not and it is more a feeling than a thought, the thought just comes with it.

It does feel like you are trapped. It's like a prison to escape from. A maze to find a way out of.

[LiveAboveIt]

I can understand that, this has been (and still is) one of my big battles since relapse and this med. Ambivalence.

It's not the same as yours as mine focusses on not doing physical things. It will tell me I can't or that I must not and it is more a feeling than a thought, the thought just comes with it.

It does feel like you are trapped. It's like a prison to escape from. A maze to find a way out of.

Very much so. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Have you found meds that help? I dont have any real set in compulsions. Mine are vague and scattered.

[MyNameIsTerry]

The relapse was a few years ago now, I'm much better than back then. Still many challenges though and this issue still is a problem, just not fever pitch like back then when it was telling me even reaching for something or carrying something was new and a risk.

I'm a bit reluctant to let my GP mess around with meds, he doesn't seem to understand them. In fact, it was the last med he put me on which caused a lot of this but he said it was my anxiety so I believed him. Much later, and after joining here, I traced back a lot of my problems to a specific dose change. The first year was very hard with every day the same. I spent ages working on all this so now I've got it to a more manageable level I'm trying some of the natural route to see if it helps before going to that med change situation because my GP will just pull a name out of hat, his knowledge is that basic. If only he had put me back on Citalopram as I had much more success with that and not much of these issues, if at all, certainly not all this OCD anyway.

I'm still on that med though, it just took years to get anywhere. If I had been on here, I would have been told to switch and be on something that may help. But even though this has been a major problem, I've managed to work on lots of issues and calm a lot of it down (the compulsions are gone) so even when it gets to that fever pitch, there is always a way back. I thought I was cursed for life back then. I bet you know how that feels? I've had a lot of these thoughts I see on here with people at the end of their tether and so I can say with certainty that there is a way back from feeling severe.

[Jenijar]

It feels like Im somewhere else or .. I dont know. In another reality or just not grounded. I dont have any misconceptions about whats real.. I just cant shake this intense foreign feeling and these thoughts about what if nothing is real.. almost like I have this higher understanding unlocked and my brain cant handle it.. I dont know if this makes any sense.. Just strange irrational thoughts that I know are stupid but they terrify me anyway. I feel almost like Im going mental.

Heya, just want to let you know that I can totally relate to this and am going through it too. I've read many times that the best way to overcome the feeling is to accept it and not be afraid of it, but I don't know how not to be afraid of such a disturbing feeling and the thoughts that accompany it. It makes me want to stay inside the house all day but I know that will only make it worse so sometimes I force myself to go out. I just want to feel normal again so badly

[LiveAboveIt]

Heya, just want to let you know that I can totally relate to this and am going through it too. I've read many times that the best way to overcome the feeling is to accept it and not be afraid of it, but I don't know how not to be afraid of such a disturbing feeling and the thoughts that accompany it. It makes me want to stay inside the house all day but I know that will only make it worse so sometimes I force myself to go out. I just want to feel normal again so badly

Yeah, its incredibly tough to find peace and acceptance when having these types of symptoms, its not something that you can force. I do believe that things like this will eventually go away on their own. The anxiety is all that I think about all day, even when distracted by something else. It just feels so ingrained like a traumatic memory that I cant forget. I hope its something we can heal from.