What's happening to me?

[sugaplum01]

Hello,
I've written her a couple of times before about constant 'depersonalisation' which started really bad nearly 2 years ago. I thought I was doing 'ok' but now I've gone right back to square one and the last couple of days I've never felt so bad. I don't know what to do as feel so scared of the feelings. I've been back and forth to the Drs but as my bloods have all come back normal they say I'm fine (apart from having tested positive for glandular fever last year summer). I'm so scared I'm finding it really hard to explain how I'm feeling...I've forgot what feeling 'normal' feels like and I'm petrified that I need to take myself off to hospital with a brain tumour or something as I don't know if I feel 'right'. I feel strange to be a person! Nothing feels right! I feel like I don't know myself/identity, don't know anyone around me or any places! I constantly feel like I'm walking around disoriented and confused! I'm finding it hard to explain but right now I feel terrible. I feel like I could run around in a major panic like I don't have a clue of who and what I am! I'm so worried this is more than depersonalisation/anxiety. Some how I manage to sit and talk to people but I really don't know how as I feel like I've just been placed here this second in this person life and don't understand how I know anyone.
Thank you

[Just2kisses]

Are you on medication?
It sounds like anxiety related dp to me

[Shazamataz]

I had both of the glandular fever viruses and have had times when my fatigue is really bad and I have felt really disconnected and spaced out. You won't have a brain tumor, the virus can give you 'Brain Fog' and maybe you still have the effects of that?

[sugaplum01]

Thank you both for your replies. I was given citalopram to start with but I didn't really get on well with it...stopped the weepy feelings but didn't like the feeling it gave me with the dp. I've just been given fluoxetine to try but I'm rather worried to try that. It's literally like I've never been a person before and nothing feels or seems right. I just want to wake up and have a good day enjoying myself but I have this constant overwhelming feeling that is really scaring me. I do get tired very easily after the glandular fever so one day I could have an 'ok' and then be set back. This time I feel like it's gotten worse than when it all started.
Many thanks again.

[Jenijar]

Hello, I can relate to how you're feeling, when you say it feels strange to be a person, it's horrible feeling this way. I feel like all the things that were once familiar to me now feel strange. I find it hard to get through each day.

[sugaplum01]

Thank you for your reply it's much appreciated. I wake every morning think ow not again. I keep trying to 'forget' or distract but there's no hope in that as I can feel it all over! I feel like I'm losing my life. I can't relax as my mind is constantly questions/checking I know who I am, where I am, who's with me, what if I can't get home...the list goes on. And then carries on to how do I know that's all right/real! it's driving me crazy and I don't know how to get my life back!
Thank you

[Jenijar]

I feel the same every morning, sometimes I go to bed feeling ok and back to normal and then in the morning I'm back to square one. I hate it so much, I'm so scared of it. I know I'm supposed to just accept how I feel and then it should eventually fade away, but how can you accept everything feeling so strange and foreign, or feeling like you don't actually exist! Normal things feel like they just don't make sense anymore. I'd give so much just to feel normal again, I'm not even asking to be happy, I just want to feel back to normal. I'm so depressed feeling like this it's ruining my life. It's such a cruel thing to have to go through. I feel like I'm losing my mind most the time. I just don't feel I can carry on this way much longer :(
Do you still go places? I'm signed off sick from work and I find it hard to leave the house. I can't imagine ever feeling normal again

[sugaplum01]

I know what you mean when sometimes you go to bed and there's about s 5 min glimps that your going to be ok in the morning and be able to do all the things you want and then you wake up and are back to square one if not worse than before. I was the same...was signed off work but had to hand my notice in in the end, I didn't go out and I haven't driven myself in over a year! Which only makes it worse as upsets me more. I've started going out a lot more but it is a struggle and I don't go on my own. I constantly think I'm going to forget who I'm out with or how to get home etc I just want my life back. I've gone from working hard and ambitious to totally being scared to be a person and feeling like I haven't a clue who I am or if I've even been here before. My mind is in constant over time.
X

[Jenijar]

I know what you mean when sometimes you go to bed and there's about s 5 min glimps that your going to be ok in the morning and be able to do all the things you want and then you wake up and are back to square one if not worse than before. I was the same...was signed off work but had to hand my notice in in the end, I didn't go out and I haven't driven myself in over a year! Which only makes it worse as upsets me more. I've started going out a lot more but it is a struggle and I don't go on my own.
X

Hey Sugaplum, yes totally, at night time when I'm feeling a bit better, I think to myself for example, I'll take up running during the day, or I'll start my crochet no matter how I feel, but then when the next day comes I feel so bad that I don't do it.
How long was it before you started to go out again and what changed to make that happen? Did you start to feel a but better and more able to go out or did you just think I'm going to go out no matter how I feel?

---------- Post added at 18:57 ---------- Previous post was at 18:50 ----------

I just want my life back. I've gone from working hard and ambitious to totally being scared to be a person and feeling like I haven't a clue who I am or if I've even been here before. My mind is in constant over time.
X

I can totally relate to this!! I was also hardworking and now am scared at what it means to be human etc and my mind is also in overdrive, I get loads of strange thoughts and feel like I'm on the edge of madness!

[Amy2123]

I suffer with very similar things. I shock myself that I can talk normally because I feel so weird. I find reading helps as it takes my
Mind off the fact I feel so spaced out.
Hope you feel better soon xxxxx