Beating mirtazapine lethargy

[Catsjulieanne]

I hope your day goes OK LittleMissAlone, been up an hour and shaky and exhausted. Tomorrow I have to face my worst fear and go to the dentist, its in the morning too which is never good as mornings are the worst for me symptom/side effect wise. Still have to wait until Wednesday for my doctors appointment. I'm like a coiled spring, all my muscles ache from being so tense here we go another long day.

[Noivous]

Haha! I'm easily confused lol. You will do fine today I'm sure.

N.

[Catsjulieanne]

After my last post I opened an email from my ex (my 2 children have been staying with him for about 8 weeks whilst I have been ill) he is asking for maintenance and transferring all the benefits to him. I will drop to half pay at work next week as I am still nowhere near ready to return to work. It was only ever the plan for the kids to stay with him until I am feeling stronger but his email seems to mean that they will be staying with him. I am absolutely heartbroken and scared. My partner says who can blame him since he has the kids, then promptly goes out for the day with his kids and leaves me here alone in this state. I don't blame him, I would've gone too but I was reeling from my ex's email and am only up to short trips out at the moment and they are out for the day. I have had enough of it all, I've lost my kids, my family are all keeping me at arms length and its a matter of time until my partner walks too. It's like being kicked when your down. I cant go on like this and I don't know what to do about any of it. I just feel like giving up. It's like I've been fighting these weeks and swimming through treacle and getting absolutely nowhere. I feel like I have no-one to turn to.

[Shazamataz]

Oh Julie, that's a lot to deal with!

I don't have any good advice or anything but just want you to know I'm here supporting you for what it's worth

xx

[LittleMissAlone]

Hi Julie

You're being really brave, and I'm sure you're not as unsupported as you think you are.

A couple of weeks ago I had a dental check up at a time when my anxiety wasn't too bad. Despite this and never having had an issue with dentists I was still very nervous before I went in. I sipped cold water and as soon as I went in I told her the medication I'm on and the fact that it's for anxiety. She made no fuss at all and I quickly relaxed. However I didn't stay for the brush up and I've got to go back for treatment but I felt good knowing I coped so well.

You've got such a lot on, please know that we will support you on here.

Take cold water with you, slow down and focus on things for a few seconds (mindfulness) when things get overwhelming. That's what helped me overcome agoraphobia.

I had a bad day yesterday with feeling very down and I didn't go to my parents as I was supposed to. However I rang my uncle who has experience of what I'm going through and it was extremely helpful. He worked out that I have issues with my mum in particular and he gave me some tips, notably stopping myself from getting angry with myself.

Hope this helps.

Take care.

[Catsjulieanne]

Thanks so much for the support, I actually went and sat there for almost an hour, I don't know how I did it, but I did. Had 3 lots of impressions done (my worst dental fear) a filling, lots of drilling etc.

I never slept a wink last night so am even more exhausted than usual.

Yesterday was very bad, my partner is fuming with me as I was crying and panicking until 2am when I finally shut up, he is shattered and has been up since 9 to take me the dentist and he still has to go to work 2-10.

I feel so selfish and guilty. I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone but sometimes I wish he could feel a bit of it to know what its like.

The lovely warm weather doesn't help, as I still get waves of sweating over me my hands are very shaky again today. Dull headache, sweaty.

I have had a response for counselling today but its an initial telephone assessment and it's not til the end of the month.

I hope you are having a calm day x

[LittleMissAlone]

Wow, Julie, you did it! I don't even have impressions done because they make me gag! Well done.

Sorry about your partner being unsympathetic. If he doesn't suffer he can't know what a debilitating condition it is.

I set out to do something and bottled out, but I did do a grocery shop. I started off feeling sick and anxious which is how I've become in the last few days, but I calmed myself by slowing down and was right a rain well before getting to self-service.

After lunch will head out again. That's given me confidence that I can cope.

You should be able to sleep now, surely, after wearing yourself out?

Just put yourself in bed!

Take care.

[Catsjulieanne]

Can't rest yet, picking my son up again today and looking after him for a couple of hours. Have to leave in 10 minutes and am starting to sweat again, shaky and weak lead like legs. It feels pathetic that I am so scared about doing these things that everyone else does without a thought. My partner is supportive to a point, but because I force myself to get up bathed and hair washed he says I always look nice and well so its hard to understand that inside I feel like I'm going to die x Well done re the shop, I can't manage that on my own yet I tried last week and my hands shook when trying to put the pin in and felt so clumsy packing the carrier bag. I just want to get my energy and health back.

[LittleMissAlone]

Morning Julie

I made myself go out for a little walk yesterday afternoon in the lovely heat but couldn't go for long because of yucky nausea feeling. I managed to go for longer than was comfortable but it just got too unpleasant. My uncle told me to stay doing it until it went away, but I let it beat me again. The only interaction I had yesterday was with someone I bumped into who wanted to talk but again I felt overwhelmed and inched away. I could say it was the hot sun but in all honesty that probs had nothing to do with it.

Anyway, I've realised just now really that I've had this social phobia since before I was properly ill, which started last October.

I've just done this Paul McKenna hypnosis thing.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ5MoMpT3_4

After 5 mins I started to cry! Proper healing tears. I don't often cry (much as I feel like it) so that was a relief in itself. I may try it again today to see what happens, while also trying to engage with the outside world. My social anxiety has become much much worse, I can't remember not feeling anxious before or during socialising, and this is with close friends! Makes no sense.

You've got a doctors appointment tomorrow so see What they say. It's so easy to spiral downwards, as I've done, and your doctor will understand.

Perhaps try the YouTube thing, it might help!

How did it go with your son?

Take care.

[Catsjulieanne]

You did well to get out in the first place. After a fairly good day yesterday feeling like I had turned a corner it's nearly lunchtime now and feel horribly shaky again today, heavy headache, weak legs. I enjoyed time with my son and felt pretty OK for the rest of the day. Today I feel like I'm back to square one. Picking my son up again today, have to go the post office too but I'm so shaky and anxious. Serves me right for thinking yesterday that the worst of these side effects were behind me. Shattered. PS. I had a little filling done yesterday too at the dentist, it didn't last 24 hours, I got up at 7am and was so tense felt myself clenching my teeth and felt the crunch of the filling breaking off. Please please let me start seeing light at the end of the tunnel.