So here I am.. My story is the same as most of you. I have random bouts of health anxiety coupled with OCD. After searching the internet or reading the cancer forums I convince myself that my symptoms match exactly with a particular illness, therefore I have cancer, or whatever.
Its demoralizing and embarrassing.
I am an analytical thinker. Everything is a puzzle and if all symptoms match in my mind - its a go. I work with computers and large networks so to me its always about listening to issues, taking that info and figuring out what it could be. In my mind its similar to medical profession. I hear symptoms and try stuff.
On top of all of this I am a control freak. Something in me gets joy from completing things in a perfect way. If I scratch or cause a blemish on something, or do something wrong in my tasks. I go silent and stew on it for days to the point im exhausted on the matter. I recognize its pathetic and childish but If I dont obtain perfection in everything it bothers me uncontrollably.
I am learning to trust and not worry so much internally. Its a long hard road to be able to let go and allow someone else to do something when you know it will not be perfect, or you know they will not put up the same effort you will. After all, I cant control the world into perfection. Who do I think I am?
Anyway, my health anxiety comes and goes. But it hits me hard when it comes.
I am that guy who shows up at the doctors office with a stack of print outs from the internet telling the doc what tests I need and what to do. And I can prove it beyond any reasonable doubt. (in my mind at-least)
I never leave without a follow up appointment, and I never leave without a FULL CBC and metabolic panel order so we have something to look at for the next visit. AND I want copies of EVERYTHING for my files. You best believe im looking up every word in my paperwork to look for inconsistencies.
To me, why waste time just talking to the Doc. Why not have some basic tests every time I walk in the door just to make sure?
Why would I take my car to a mechanic just to talk about the weather?
Well, all the doctors in town know me. I have cycled through all of them for some reason or another. My HA bouts usually end up costing me big $$. I will demand xrays, blood work and anything that makes sense to me to figure out what I think is going on.
Its exhausting... The HA comes for a few weeks and then disappears for months.
Right now its the famous cancer itch, UGH!!!!! I itch all over, tear my shins and legs apart itching. Arms and hands itch also. I sometimes have shortness of breath and have random temps of 99.
The doc says its not a temp at 99 and to forget it. Shortness of breath is anxiety. Itching is new soap, blah blah blah.
No new anything in my life so Im guessing its all in my head.
Glad I found this place. I guess I am not so abnormal. It looks like I have a whole tribe of people just like me. The itching has already subsided a little after reading your stories.
Sorry for the wall of text. It was therapeutic.
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