Lost hope

[Buster70]

Can't see any hope left today , had a break down four years ago and said I could never go through it again and here i am feeling pretty much the same way woke up to whole body full of adrenalin could go back to sleep because head was messed up had a bust up with partner who's already ill, now I'm parked up down a lane with no hope of things getting better , just can't see a way out I've tried the docs and there doesn't seem anything for some one in my position , just so tired of all this crap .

[MyNameIsTerry]

I know how you feel, Buster. I had my initial breakdown about 10 years ago and I never wanted to go through that every again. About 4-5 years later I came off meds, wasn't ready but my GP was pushing and I was naïve about it all back then. I relapsed within 6 months, got put on a med that made me even worse and had a terrible time of it for a long time.

BUT I'm not in that horrible position now so I know it can get better. It took a lot of work and a lot of time and I still have a lot to do to get to where I want to be but I'm a million miles away from the wreck who was sitting shaking on a settee everyday dreading every minute from waking until sleep...and it went on like that for me for many months.

I know what you mean about doctors, I have a lot less faith in them since learning my rights, learning about what they should have done, understanding my conditions and meds, etc. The current med I am on made me significantly worse for over a year and within weeks of taking it I had OCD, which I never suffered from before. My GP insisted it was me, not the med and I was naïve and trusted him. I spent several years working on my OCD, when there was a chance removing that drug would have stopped it quickly.

I would encourage you to look for local support groups because they can help. It's nothing like this place, they actually prevent a lot of what gets discussed on here and keep people moving towards goals. Many of these local charities run group courses and they can be helpful and get you talking to others in the same position.

It is scary going in a relapse but it's not the end by a long way. I spent a hell of a long time wishing it would all end. It was not that I wanted to die so much as I just wanted the pain to end. You have people in your life who need you and I'm very sure you wouldn't want it to end either, you just want help. Life has just been hard for you recently. It won't stay that way though.

[Mugs]

Please keep reaching out for help, people do care. Many of us have been where you are and understand.
Mugs

[pulisa]

We certainly do, Buster. You may feel in a hopeless situation at the moment but people care for you and need you. Please keep posting and let people help you

[MyNameIsTerry]

I hope you are feeling a bit better today, Buster.

[Buster70]

Hi , thanks for the support felt yesterday morning I was on my last shred of sanity my thoughts kept speeding up then it came to a stop just felt like I was in slow motion , got some sleep last night and been up and down today which is a lot better than yesterday , sister nurse at docs said if ever I need to go in just to let off steam I can they reserve apointments but don't make it common knowledge or they'd never get home it would be good sometimes to talk to somone it's not easy hiding how you really feel from people you know , I guess just take it a day at a time , thought you took weekends off terry good of you to put in the overtime you might want to negotiate your weekend pay , cheers , take care

[anastasia04]

I completely understand what you're feeling right now. In March i had a breakdown of my own. I was off work for a month and barely left my house. I was severely depressed and so anxious that i had a panic attack where i actually fainted. But you know what? things got better, a lot better, and they always do. I know during these moments it feels like things will never get better, but just remember that these feelings will pass. Sometimes you just have to "ride it out." Just take it easy and take care of yourself. Go for a walk, watch your favourite show, do something that makes you happy. You won't feel this way forever, just keep reminding yourself that.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better, Buster. One day at a time and on the bad days, hour by hour.

Sometimes it can just be a build up of things and we need a little time for it to all fade away.

I'm on less at the weekends, more just in the early hours rather than earlier too. I don't accept cheques but pints are fine