The Good Ol' Universe

[adrian82]

Hello everyone-

My name is Adrian, this is my first time posting to the forum, but I have been struggling with anxiety for quite some time. I am currently a college student who is close to graduation. I am a bit older than your "average" college student, and I believe this is where my anxiety may stem from. I am not particularly where I want to be in my life, and I have expressed this to loved ones. ANYWAYS, not quite the real reason I am posting. You see, I am an education major who went through a breakup a little over 8 months ago. After this breakup, I found myself a bit lost and laid out some goals for myself. One of them was that I desperately wanted to travel, to see the world, and to teach English abroad. In January, I decided to make that dream a reality by booking a trip to teach English in Bali for a month. Back then, I had no responsibilities other than completing another semester of college. No pressure, no stress, and certainly, no girlfriend. Well, low and behold the last month I met an incredible girl who makes me happy and who I have been seeing on the regular since our first date. We click and we get along great. After about our 3rd date I decided to tell her about my month long trip over the summer. I thought for sure she would say something along the lines of, "That sucks and I'll see you later." However, it was the complete opposite where she did nothing but support me and encourage me that we would still work this out while I was over there, and that she would essentially wait for me. I was beyond relieved and extremely excited that she was feeling the same thing I was .

This is where my anxiety has been kicking in, and I believe my over thinking is leading me to pushing this girl, and my trip, away. When we are together, the only thing I think about is spending as much time with her as possible, how she isn't that interested, and how there is no way I want to be worrying about her while I am traveling abroad. I really, really do not want to end it with this girl, but I am also scared of worrying about her while I am out of the country and don't know of we have built enough trust with one another to the point where I can call her my girlfriend and trust her completely. I don't want my own insecurities to get in the way of ruining this possibly good thing in the future. I have asked if I could trust her, and she has assured me again and again that she wants me/us to be a thing (She has even said she would like to make it official before I leave which I am totally in for). I met her parents tonight, and she is meeting mine on Saturday. I feel that everything is going great and at a steady pace, but my fear of losing her has been getting in the way of me taking this new found relationship for what it is. With only a month to go before I leave, the fear of this trip has become insurmountable, and I am finding myself losing sleep and stressing about if I made the right decision to travel or not. I am trying to differentiate between if this is just because of this new-found relationship in my life, or if I feel I am truly not cut out for solo travel. I was so set on going before I met her, but the trip was also further away, so I am just overall distraught and confused I always wanted to give a new relationship a shot, but of course this has come at the most inopportune time and it scares the hell out of me because I ultimately don't want to lose her.

I am looking for any advice/input from anyone who has maybe been in the same situation, has been nervous or second guessed a solo trip they booked, anyone who wants to help, or has had the universe pull a mean trick on them like this in the past, and how it turned out.

Thank you so much!

Your first time poster- Adrian

[Fishmanpa]

Wow, you're creating a two hour mini drama in your head! When I met my first wife, she had booked a month long tour of Australia and New Zealand. By the time she was due to leave, we were very close and had even talked about moving in together when she cam back.

Anxiety sufferers are always filled with "what ifs". Remember, the "what ifs" we regret the most are the chances we never take due to fear. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. GO!

Positive thoughts

[Oosh]

Well if there was ever a girl who sounds like she'd be ok with you going away on this trip, this sounds like her. If you do decide you want to go, just stay in close contact and make sure she sounds like she is still ok with it all.

Regarding the trip I'd decide if this trip means as much as you thought it did. Did it come from being single ? Was it a single person thing to do ? Maybe it's not something you would have chosen if you'd been in a relationship you valued.
So work out what the reasons where for doing it and if what you'll achieve from it still fits in with your (possibly new) future.

Eg
I'm single. I'm going to see the world, meet new people, get drunk, get a tattoo, have some new experiences while I'm single.
Whereas now, in a relationship, the new path might naturally be, moving in together, etc etc

So ask yourself if the reasons for the trip still apply. "Would I have initially planned to go off around the world if it'd meant leaving a partner behind for a prolonged amount of time ?"

Maybe shelve it and do it later or next time (if) you're single.

Or if you want to do it, do it, she sounds cool, just stay in close contact.

Choose the one that makes sense to you, go with it, don't look at it again. Reevaluate some way down the line. No need to stress, you can make both work i'm sure. Don't listen to the doubts. You CAN make both work if she is as cool as you say she is.