Ruminating about traumatic events in the past when I could've been in danger

[Sparkle1984]

Hi all, I have mostly been OK for the last 3 months or so, but in the last few days I've been feeling some of my anxiety come back again.

This may sound weird, but lately I keep getting the urge to ruminate about times in the past where I've been in danger, for example, times where I've nearly had an accident. One particular example which has been on my mind lately is when I crossed the road near work one lunchtime in March to go to the shops. It had always been a 1-way road so I only looked to the right before crossing. It looked clear so I stepped out into the road, but then I heard someone on the other side of the road call out something (I'm not sure what they said but it was as if they were trying to warn me about something). It was then that I noticed that there was a van coming towards me from the left, so I quickly stepped back to the kerb. Luckily I managed to step back before I was hit. It turned out that the road had just been changed to a 2-way street. To make it worse, the crossing is on a bend so I think it might be difficult for traffic to see if there's anyone trying to cross. A day or so later, signs were put up warning pedestrians to look both ways.

I felt really shaken for a while after that incident - thoughts kept running through my mind like "What if I had been hit? Could I nearly have been seriously injured or even killed?" It then leads on to me worrying about dying young and not having time to achieve my dreams in life. I didn't think about the incident much after the day that it happened, but for some reason it's been playing on my mind again over the last few days. During this bank holiday weekend my anxiety levels have been higher than they have been for the last few months (I had a really bad anxiety relapse in May last year, and I only really got over it properly about 3 months ago). I feel like I'm having a blip - I feel jittery, and bad thoughts keep running through my mind like the one I just mentioned. On Saturday I also felt a bit tight-chested. The anxiety isn't anywhere near as bad as it was last year, but it's still unpleasant. In the last few days I've also felt rather lethargic and that I can't be bothered to do much - for example I've been finding it difficult to keep up with my daily exercise and I've missed quite a lot of days of that lately. This morning I spent quite a lot of time in bed instead of doing things I enjoy.

Does anyone else worry about traumatic experiences from the past? I know it's pointless worrying about bad things which happened in the past and which can't be changed, but sometimes it's difficult to control it.

[23fish]

I do this all the time, especially with near misses. I relive incidents from years ago in as much detail as if I were there. I also have mini visions of myself falling downstairs or tripping up. It always gives me a jolt and makes me feel weird, but I've learnt to recognise it and let it pass. Your probably thinking it over because you're more anxious at the moment. It will pass x

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with 23fish. You did a lot of work with your therapist and your thread about that was very impressive, I remember following it. People will find it very helpful.

You know that the subconscious uses memory in checking against things, not just our inner beliefs, schemas, etc. That memory will always be there so there is potential to recall it, link things, etc.

So, if you experiencing an event that your subconscious could make some form of connection to, it could recall it. Almost asking "is this relevant by any chance?" to your conscious mind. So, if you react with fear, you know you tell it "yes", just like how it works with intrusive thoughts.

If you haven't experienced anything that could trigger it, I would think it's just whatever is increasing your anxiety levels causing some things to come back to you, just like how you will be having a return in some symptoms.

A blip is right, it's not a relapse. Try to accept it, remember how far you have come and push on with your life. Be kind to yourself, don't be negative towards yourself if possible and do some relaxation stuff if you think it will help you.

I wonder if anything on your thread may assist you too?

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks for your replies. Although it has still been on my mind a bit today, I haven't felt as anxious as I have done in the last few days. It could be because I've discussed it on here, and also because I was back at work today so had less time to think about it. I will have a look back at my CBT thread to remind myself of what helped me.