Hello All,
I guess it's a shame that this forum even has to exist, but I am glad it does!
I am new to this forum, but not new to anxiety. I am wondering if anyone has had similar experiences to mine and have you found any help?
Anxiety and very mild depression seems to run in my family. My brother seems to have it slightly worse than me. My mother has had bouts of it throughout her life and my father committed suicide when I was in my early 30's (in my 50's now)
I am generally a happy guy, never know I had any issues. I am artistic with a good sense of humour. I can have very mild bouts of depression now and then, usually doesn’t last more than a couple to a few days at a time and not that often.
In my early 40's I started to experience problems at night. I would bolt up from being asleep and feel 'trapped' within myself. I felt the need to get up, go to the bathroom and open windows or doors to ‘escape’. It's very difficult to describe, but I felt like I could not get away from myself. I would also feel a sense of panic thinking that I can't get away from this sensation and I'd never fall asleep. Of course the more you think about it the worse it gets and one tends to worry it will happen again. Almost afraid to go to bed.
This got to a tipping point when I went away on a holiday. The first night down south while my family slept I woke-up and this sensation took over, I was completely overwhelmed. I had a strong urge to run. Felt like I lost my mind. The next day and for the rest of the week I was emotionally shattered, very upset and worried this would happen again. It did not happen for the remainder of the week, but I knew I would have to get help to deal with it when I got back home.
I spent the next three years talking with a therapist weekly. Went through everything in my life. I think a lot of things were discussed that were never dealt with properly. Things did change. Felt much better for a very long time the panic or anxiety at night seemed to all, but disappear and I only had a couple of mild sensations over the years.
Fast forward a couple years, I seem to be having these night panic attacks again, but milder. Doesn't really make them any more fun though. Funny thing is, heat seems to trigger them (always has)to some degree. If I open a window or door and it's hot or humid out it seems to perpetuate the feeling. Can’t escape it. Maybe it’s that I have no ability to control things. Does not happen through the day even if I walk in the heat and humidity. I’m fine, just the nights.
My usually tactic is to do deep breathing and accept the sensation, even telling myself to ‘bring it on’ but it’s tough to do. The feeling can be overwhelming.
I have had some changes in my life with my mother’s emotional health as she is getting older. My kids are both off to university this fall and leaving home. I am a worrier. I even worry about about travel, even if it’s a small weekend trip as I wonder if I’ll be caught in a situation were I am in a hot bedroom and this sensation kicks in. I don’t seem to handle change well. Have been on a couple week long holidays over the course of the last couple years and have been fine. Telling myself that doesn’t help.
Come to think of it, I left my job and started working for myself from home in my early 40’s (it’s been going fairly well) Maybe this was a trigger? Change?
I am not sure what else I can say. Do you see a pattern developing? Does anyone else get these night attacks or sensations of feeling trapped? Does heat affect you like this? Would you call this a panic attack? What coping skills do you use? Not sure if I need to speak to a therapist again and I am not big on taking drugs, never have taken anything.
Appreciate any thoughts.
Thank you.
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