Is this DR?

[Melek_3]

Hello guys!

I am a girl and I am 19 years old. I just have to note that English is not my mother tongue and my writing can be a little weird, sorry in advance. I suffer from anxiety and obsessive thinking since August 2015 (I was diagnosed by two psychologist).

In order to tell you everything I've been through since August I would have to write a little novel, so I'll try to be as short as possible. I won't discuss about my anxiety, you just need to now that I have it...big time. I am also affected by the loss of my father this year in March. You can pretty much say that emotionally I am a wreck.

Now...even since I started highschool I was always daydreaming. I was daydreaming excessively. Don’t get me wrong, I was living my life…you know, going to school, going out with my friends, spending time with my family, reading, movies, jogging…but in the same time I was always daydreaming a perfect version of myself living the perfect live. This was my form of escapism from the problems I was facing back then. This year I found out this…thing has a name. It’s called Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MD). I got a huge scare 2 or 3 weeks ago…and I stopped daydreaming ever since.

This is where my now-problems start. I got scared. I realized I will live the rest of my life from this perspective, from my own perspective (like my eyes are the video camera and life unfolds in front of her). When I was daydreaming I imagined myself from the outside. Now I am fully attached to reality…and I feel weird.

How do I feel now? I don’t even know how to really explain the feeling. I feel detached from my surroundings. I see the reality properly (it’s not distortionated)…I just have this…detached feeling. It’s like I can’t fully live my life. I look around and it’s like I have this thin and subtle fog in front of my eyes…it’s like I can’t properly focus my eyes on things. I have moments when I feel like I have stuffy ears and I can’t hear properly (slighty the way you hear underwater). On the other side, I have moments when I feel so aware of myself. I..I am weirded out by the fact that I have thoughts, that I move. I am so aware of my existence and it scares me. I feel uncomfortable, and the thought of living the rest of my life from this body…it feels weird and scary. I have moments when I can barely feel my feet when I’m walking, it’s like I’m walking on air..and my feet are made out of jelly.

I am scared of these feelings. I don’t know what it is, I can’t really tell if it’s DR or something else…I am afraid of living the rest of my life like this. So, I am writing this to ask you, do I have a form of DR? From what I've read on the internet, it fits my symptoms and it doesn't in the same time. Are there different degrees of DR?

Thank you!

[LiveAboveIt]

I would imagine that this is definitely a form of DP/DR. I feel the exact same way because of my anxiety. I feel like I am "stuck" living behind me eyes and life feels very strange now. I am also overly aware of things like my thoughts, which makes me feel disconnected from them, almost as if they are coming from an external source and I have no control over them. The only time I dont feel/think about this stuff is when I am momentarily distracted by something, but it all comes back when I am idle and I cant stop worrying about the way I feel or dismiss it from my mind.

You arent alone.

[Shazamataz]

I'm not very well informed about DR though I think I do experience it from time to time.

But I just wanted to say your English is very, very good

[ana]

This definitely sounds like DP to me. Derealisation takes you away from the everyday experience of reality,it makes you feel out of place. In your case,it serves as a (yet another) form of escapism. The real world feels like it's being observed through the looking glass. Just know that these sensations you're having are just anxiety symptoms,and they cannot harm or kill you. I am really sorry for your loss,and I genuinely hope you find some inner peace.