Constant HIV worry. Sore lumps under armpits. Please help

[PA91]

Hi all,

For around a year and a half, I have been very worried that I have HIV. This has stemmed from past sexual encounters where I have been black out drunk and not known what I'd done the night before or who I'd been with. This has happened on two very regretful occasions and I hate myself for it.

After the second happened, I went into full panic mode, could not sleep and was having night sweats for a few days. It wasnt until around a month or two later when I started to worry about HIV, since this time my anxiety has been very up and down, some days (not often) where I feel fine and think there's no way this could have happened and I'm being stupid to other days where I'm 100% sure I have it and I feel nothing but deep dread, I have a feeling where I feel like I am rushing I not darkness and worry, is this a form of panic attack?

For the last 6 months (since I noticed) I have had sore lumps beneath the skin in my arm pit. I think that these are lymph nodes, I constantly check and poke these hoping that they won't be there the next time I check but when I feel them there it sends me into more worry.
Other symptoms include, a stiff neck, headaches, random hot back, random hot neck, random hot ears, random hot cheeks.

I have no one to talk to about this, I'm constantly scared every time myself or my girlfriend have something wrong, even down to a mosquito bite, sneezing or just being tired.

I just need someone else to reassure me, there are different points under my arm that are very tender, has anyone else ever experienced this? The reasonable side of me says it may have been from an earlier infection and they haven't gone away because I've been poking at them, the unreasonable says HIV.

It's probably worth noting that in the time that I have been worrying, I've only actually had two colds and I don't get sick very often. Only the constant feeling of being run down.

Sorry for how long this is

Thanks

[Fishmanpa]

Why not just get tested or do a quick home test?

Positive thoughts

[dale12345]

HIV is completely treatable with meds, if you have it which you probably don't.I always turn everything into something more than it is.

[J-P]

It's more likely to be your deodorant, any rashes in the area ?

[PA91]

Thanks for your replies.
I can't bring myself to go to the doctors from fear that I might have it.

Has anyone else ever experienced these sort of symptoms?
Do I have anxiety and could it be the anxiety causing this?

---------- Post added at 09:57 ---------- Previous post was at 09:53 ----------

@J-P sometimes the skin under my arms is irritated

[Superworrier]

Hey I do understand your fear and I also understand the being scared to get checked in case as you say " you have it " .
However think about the chances are you don't and we all know only too well on here Anxiety plays hell with our bodies and can cause a whole host of symtoms .

Let me just say a very good friend of mine had a one night stand only this week both got very drunk and like yourself it seems she can't recall what the hell happened .
She came into work really worried and in the end she asked me to go with her to the local GUM clinic .
I understand your fear as trust me even though it wasn't me actually going I felt really nervous for her and myself about being there .
We are women of a certain age and I thought " gee people and the staff will judge " .
Long story short we arrived she filled out a form and was seen I think fairly quickly .
I went into the room with her as she was nervous and they were fantastic talked her through it .
She had the morning after pill and then was seen again later to talk about having a check up I don't know what happened at the actual check up as I didn't go in with her cx
But she had a complete check up and she thanked me after for being there and encouraging her to go .
I truly beleave you won't rest untol you get checked .
Once you do you can put the behind you if not no one can 100per cent reasure you .
Sorry if this didn't help but I hope ypu decide to get checked so you can lay this to rest .

Take care

[PA91]

Thanks for your help. It's a relief to hear that other people have felt the same.


I'm trying to look forward and trying to keep my mind off of it but as soon as I start walking around and feel a slight pain in my armpit then it's set off again and I start worrying. I just wish there was some explanation for the pain.

If it's the anxiety that's causing these symptoms then I will be relieved, in fact I would be relieved at any thing other than HIV. I just don't think I could deal with the stigma that surrounds it.

I feel like I'm at a constant battle of matching up timelines and trying to come to some logical reason for all of this. I had none of this pain or worry until after the incident a year and a half ago but that's also the same time that I started worrying about everything and the anxiety set in.

---------- Post added at 11:56 ---------- Previous post was at 11:54 ----------

I'm sorry to post, I feel like I am bothering every one with my stupid worries but these symptoms and the pain in my underarms is 100% real, I haven't had any colds or infections to cause them so what else can it be other than HIV...

[carmel24]

Hello,
Im very new here but I relate to your troubles to a tee. I'm Married and havent been with anyone but my husband for 3 years(before we started dating) but one night a few months ago I was at a bar and a woman stared making out with me. I was very drunk and ive been kicking myself for it since. My doctor knows about my obsessive health anxiety and even agreed to test me for HIV prior to that kiss.
My life has been turned upside down the last year or so because im constantly worried about this. every little thing sends me into a downward spiral. One night I was laying in bed and I felt my leg and felt a bump on my skin, I went to look at it and it looked like a tiny tiny rash, oh man I had a full on meltdown.
Then last night I went out to a club and got drunk and ended up getting 3 cuts on my leg, just that alone sends me into panic mode because i dont know how i got them.
I constantly check my pulse, Im always feeling my lymph nodes, I take my temperature about 15 times a day. when a joint starts hurting I freak out, when my face feels flushed I freak out. I totally understand what youre going through, its isolating and life ruining. I hope both of us can get over this, good luck.

[ashyam86343]

This looks funny, i dont understand why dont want to get tested. it relieves your anxiety. hope you are doing better now.

[mdel]

This makes me remember myself when I was about around 17-18. I had sex for the first time but there wasn't even penetration. And after that I felt guilty for not using a comdom... so a lot of symphtoms appeared (including rashes, lymph nodes in my neck, cold sores, etc.).

1 year and a half later (because I was very worried like you) I decided to take the test and it came back negative. So I started searching in Google if there's a chance of false negatives. Indeed there is but it's about 0,01% or even less. So about 1 year later I took the test again and it came back negative again.
Since I wanted to find a cause for my symphtoms I started researching and I found lymphoma may be the cause. So I went to 5 doctors and made ultrasounds, chest and head x ray, full blood test and everything came back negative. And here I am about 4-5 years later. It's enough time to think there's nothing wrong with me and to accept my problem is psychological (still hard to me). People with serious HA like me are always checking every "pixel" of our bodies to think the worst of it.

The only disease we have is called Health Anxiety and no matter how many tests you take, you will always think of a worse disease. But if you really want to have peace of mind you should perform the test. Since you are afraid since 1 year and a half the results will be conclusive and further tests will NOT be required.
I warn you, it's better to get tested because you shouldn't lose more time thinking you have that disease.

I hope this help you