I have a lot of phobias these days I don't know where to start
As of now I work in a call centre for a phone company. I never liked
that job, well I hate it .I did went to university but after I got a hard time finding work. I got huge periods of unemployment. I didn't wanted to work at a call center but applied anyway thinking that they wouldn't keep me. Then I got a job offer for something that I considered my dream job , but that didn`t worked. I returned working for that call center and been there for 7 years. At this point I don't want to move out of the city I'm in. Even if people over here say that there no work I believe I will find something better someday.
But as of now I have that fear that I will be sued due to a mistake I did at work. I got that fear in the past but it`s worst now. I work for a phone company. If the customers call 911 the dispatchers will have the customers address. I always worry that if I don't spot a mistake and ask for it to be corrected that the customer won't have emergency services sent to them if they cannot speak and they call 911. And I also worry that in the request for correction that I send that I will make a mistake in the address that could put a customer in danger. I fear that something will happend and that a customer or their familly will want to sue me personally. I told my managers about this fears and they told me that a customer would sue the company not the employee. But I fear that I would be named as a defendant. Also that the company would allow a customer to sue me personally. Calls are reccorded but if something happends I cannot remember all the details , I receive hundreds of calls during one month.
That fear got to the point where it affected my work. Just seeing an account that needs correction made me so anxious where I got nauseous and got hot flashes. I would check over and over again addresses on google , google map and Canada Post. To make sure I have the right information. Then I check over and over again the ticket that I submit to have the change done.
I suspect that I have OCD, I got other types of obessessions and compulsions in the past. So far no official diagnosis.I never got therapy until a fee months ago.I went to see a social worker who's a counselor through the EAP at work. I got good advice but that got nowhere and the program was only for 5-6 sessions. I did went to my familly doctor in late May and I requested referral to a psychologist, I went for an evaluation and I'm on a waiting list right now. My doctor did gave me a prescription for Citalopram. She told me that it's up to me to take them or not. I haven't taken them. Antidepressants do help people, but I don't like the idea of taking something you cannot stop right away if it doesn't work. I work to change my lifestyle , eating better , more exercise. As of now I'm on a sick leave, I will see my doctor in early July.
My anxiety was down after I left on sick leave but it got worse in the last week. My compulsions got really bad. I was thinking back on some addresses I requested corrections. It was to the point where I was looking to see how the name of the street is spelled on the street panels you can see on Google Street View. And also at some point I got to go back to work if I want to have some money. But going back to that job just gets my anxiety to a bad point.
I fear getting sued because I fear that I will lose money over something like this and that I will end up poor. That if they garnish my wages that I won't be able to pay anything. Another fear I got over the last few months is fearing that my parents will die and it`s more a fear that they will die before my life is really order. I still live with my parents. I got the intention to move about once I get a better job then the one at the call centre. I find the job at the call center is so stressful that I cannot manage anything else. I'm scared that if my parents die I won't be able to pay the bills to keep the house. That I will have to move in a appartement I hate. We also have a dog so not every appartement building owner accept them.
I know it's a lot of what ifs. It's been a huge weight on my shoulders for months now. I want to help myself for sure, I hope I will be able to find a good therapist who will be able to help me with this.