Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect
any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I
tell you
that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card-playing
when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be
sex here at seven o'clock every night ...... whether you're here or
not."
(MAN SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage - Part II
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
Anniversary . The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone
that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage - Part III
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house.
After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and irritated
the husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
Marriage - Part IV
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of
her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go
home and wants
to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice,
"Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime
you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
Marriage - Part V The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day, he would
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had
missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is
5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the
masterpiece.
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