Doubting myself

[Chocolateface]

How do I stop doubting myself so I can sleep.

I made an error at work which we have half corrected yesterday but I am convinced I did the same thing wrong again, even though it went through a two step checking process.

I am sure I saw a print with correct refernces, accounts etc but am still convinced I did it wrong.

I have no way of checking either until Monday and don't want a weekend of worry over it.

[HarvestMoon]

I don't know how you could stop doubting yourself and there is probably nothing I, or anyone else, could say to achieve that. However I do know that my partner, who has GAD, frequently worries, like you, over perceived mistakes at work. And I also know that these 'mistakes' are never as bad as she thinks and that she is highly regarded, and appreciated, by her colleagues and manager. Maybe it might be the same for you? Can you put 'Monday' in a box and not open it until, err, Monday? Good luck.

[Chocolateface]

Thanks I am sure I did everything right this time, just had a bad week and found in fact two errors I have done, second one not as major but still I don't like mistakes

[MyNameIsTerry]

Perfectionism is one of our problems. It's part of the all-or-nothing thinking we struggle with. The fact is you will make mistakes. It's likely you have made ones you are not even aware of because you manager has corrected them for you or a colleague. This is common.

But it's not an issue because you've had your performance assessments and it's all been good. This shows there isn't a problem with your quality or your manage would be feeding it back to improve it.

Mistakes aren't failure. But we tend to see it as a failure and in floods the guilt. We berate ourselves over our failure to be perfect. I've worked quality improvement, Clare, no one expects perfect, it's largely unachievable with human beings. Even with machines it still goes wrong and that's why there are quality standards are x% of failures allowed. If it drifts over this, something needs looking at. And this is why businesses have checking procedures further upstream, in your case your manager checking & signing off.

Whatever has happened has happened. You can't do anything about it until Monday and then you could easily find there is nothing wrong anyway. Distraction for a period can help with this so that the intensity of the obsession eases as you drift into something else that takes your focus away. Then, if when you stop, the obsession may come back but at a much lower intensity that you can fend off and stop growing again.

[Chocolateface]

That is the thing Terry if someone else was me and told me all this I would be able to explain it away but as it is me I don't like it. The culture of our company is that of no blame and as you say my ladt appraisal was of a high standard and there have been no issues reported through monthly one to one meetings, it is just so frustrating more so because it all seems to happen at once

[MyNameIsTerry]

That's the big challenge with all this anxiety stuff. Consciously we can work to accept things but the subconscious doesn't want to know and keeps screaming at us. It takes time to change that.

It's an indicator of someone who cares a lot for her work. I can relate to that, I was the same. I remember it dug me a very big hole with checking & rechecking, over planning, etc.

I did find getting out and getting some fresh air & exercise helped me a bit. When you find yourself alone with your thoughts it can come back but the more you break it up, the better the chance of heading it off.

I also found making a list helped with some issues so that I would stop thinking about them. I've found the same with using things like Thought Records to challenge thoughts. It's as if I can't stop the thoughts circulating and even when the conclusion is reached, it just goes back around & start again. Writing it down felt like I was taking it out of my head, putting it into the real world and it helped me to see the closure more easily.