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Thread: Want a baby but anxiety is getting in the way

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    157

    Want a baby but anxiety is getting in the way

    Hi there.
    It's been a while since I felt the need to use this site but I was hoping that I could get some opinions from some like minded people.
    Basically long story short I have been through the worst times of my life with anxiety and depression and have come through the other side. I got married this year and have been with my partner for nearly 6 and a half years. He had 2 children from a previous marriage,who I've known since they were 2 and 3 and we get along very well. My partner has been through all of my bad times with me and been amazing. Getting married has always been a big hurdle for me because of my anxiety and took me a long time to get to the point of doing it bit I did and I managed the day pretty well I think!
    Anyway I've always wanted a baby or at least always thought I did but now we have been talking about it and I've come off my meds to start trying I'm really scared and anxious to actually try! When we werent trying i had a 'scare' but turned out i wasnt and i was really upset.
    I really struggle with change and the thought of it really terrifies me. I'm not the kind of person to look on the positives and now we are literally at the point where we could start trying and I'm freaking out!
    This may sound silly but I love pugs think they are adorable and for years have wanted one. Then the other week I was given the opportunity to have one and I totally freaked out. I had a massive panic attack and in the end had to say no because I got so panicked.
    Obviously I know a pug and a baby are very different to each other but it's knocked my confidence about what I really want. Do I just love the idea of a baby but not the reality? Am I as ready as I thought I was now I'm feeling anxious and suddenly unready?
    I know i over think everything as I'm sure people here can relate to but I just wondered if anyone experienced the same feelings and had any advice they wouldn't mind sharing?
    Thankyou in advance

  2. #2

    Re: Want a baby but anxiety is getting in the way

    Hi just read your post and you are not alone. Me and my fiance really want to try for a baby but I keep putting it off due you my anxiety, it is really hard.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    373

    Re: Want a baby but anxiety is getting in the way

    Hi there, this has affected me and my partner too. At first I thought it was because she was less keen than I was about the whole idea, although she is now committed - and now I'm terrified of the idea! I keep thinking, what if we end up not loving each other and separating? What if it's too difficult? Then I can't run away, and what if my anxiety means it's too hard?

    If anyone has any solutions to this one I'd love to hear them. I'm scared of missing out on a beautiful experience but also really scared of not coping.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    721

    Re: Want a baby but anxiety is getting in the way

    Quote Originally Posted by beatroon View Post
    Hi there, this has affected me and my partner too. At first I thought it was because she was less keen than I was about the whole idea, although she is now committed - and now I'm terrified of the idea! I keep thinking, what if we end up not loving each other and separating? What if it's too difficult? Then I can't run away, and what if my anxiety means it's too hard?

    If anyone has any solutions to this one I'd love to hear them. I'm scared of missing out on a beautiful experience but also really scared of not coping.
    I have two grown sons. After they were already grown up and living on their own, after I was already a grandmother.... i got pregnant again at age forty and had another little boy.
    When he was barely two, my husband left me for another woman.
    "What if, what if...???"
    Well, "what if" happened to me, in this case.
    My worst nightmare come true.
    I'd been married for my entire adult life, and more- I actually had been married since i was sixteen years old.
    I had no idea how to live on my own, as a single person, with a small child no less!
    What followed was, well... the past two years have been the strangest and scariest and I can truly say most incredible years of my life.
    I've done things I didn't think I was capable of. I've learned new things and grown in ways I never would've believed possible. I am raising my son as a single mom and I would not go back to my sorry-ass marriage if he begged me. I am much happier with my life now, despite the fact that I am poor, that I lack medical insurance, that I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my son, that I often work ten hours a day to support us.
    I would not change it or go back.

    Don't put off having a child because you might end up single in the future.
    I am so glad i had my little boy. He is my world.
    And I am so glad that he is being raised by a strong, hardworking, independent single mother, rather than a weak, cowardly, dependent married doormat of a woman, which is what I was for most of my marriage.
    I will never again put up with the treatment I routinely put up with in my marriage, just to keep the peace.

    Don't put off having a child for any reason, if you want one.
    It is always a leap of faith. But I do not know a parent in the world who regrets having their children.

    Best wishes.

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