I have hardly been going out for months. Tried a short visit to supermarket with husband yesterday. Do not see any friends, see family only when daughter visits, she is 7 months pregnant and I cannot believe I have made her feel so unwilling to see me. It's because she gets upset seeing me so anxious and afraid
Today is my father's 94th birthday. Before anxiety or whatever it is struck again in March, I used to go and see him and take him out probably 4 times a week. Now he has to rely on my brother. I haven't seen or spoken to my dad for about 3 weeks, we get too upset. He is the "keep your chin up" type,which works for him. I am a coward. We have not fallen out, I just can't seem to pretend I,m ok in front of him so we both get upset.
I try as hard as I can to cover up my anxiety in front of my husband as he now says its making him ill.
All this anxiety and worry and fear is inside me and I can't release it or get rid. I have already posted about my problems with exercise. I feel so guilty. I want to be able to see people without upsetting them. I want to see my dad on his birthday. I need some encouragement.
I have just read this back and see that I am ruining the lives of the people I love. This is not how it should be. All because I am weak and afraid. I want to" get a grip". I wish I could. Sometimes in evening I feel a bit better, safer somehow. I dread the feelings I have when I wake up, which can last all day.