I need help 😔 Is there anyone out there like me??

[ScaredCaz]

Hi All

I will start by apologising for the long post but hope that everyone who sees it will read it in the hope that someone can help me.

I have been suffering with Health Anxiety for 8 years now since my mam passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack.

As you can probably guess my HA is centred around my heart and if I am going to also die of a heart attack either sooner or later in my life 😞

I am a different kind of HA sufferer because I am also petrified of doctors and hospitals and everything that's involved with them. I am petrified of the thought of having any kind of test even a blood test needs me to prepare myself mentally for any bad results

I have tried numerous tablets over the years anti depressants don't agree with me I can't handle the side effects so at the minute I'm not on anything for my HA

I also over the last 8 years been diagnosed with under active thyroid for which I take medication I also have fibromyalgia I have chronic nerve pain in my neck shoulders and arms for which I take amitriptaline I also have ibs for which I take Colofac I also take a lanzoprozole every day

I am having a particularly rough time at the minute my HA and anxiety in general is having such a major impact on my life that while I know I would never do anything to harm myself I am so tired of living this way in all the years I have been suffering this way I have never been referred to the hospital for any kind of test even if it was just to put my own mind at rest I have had quite a few blood tests over the years and now with my thyroid problem I have to have them yearly but because I haven't really had anything else checked I am at the stage that as well as being so incredibly tired of this I am struggling to accept my doctors reassurance now because if I have had no test how do they know?

I am probably selling my GP short I have seen just about everyone in our surgery which is a large surgery I have found that many of them have got fed up of me and I sense it immediately I also always feel rushed during appointments almost as if the doc is thinking I have really sick people out there waiting and you're wasting my time may just be my paranoia but I can't help how I feel

It seems all of this now has come to a make or break kind of situation I am at the end of my rope and I so desperately want this sorting I know I will never be the same person I was before I lost my amazing mam and I really do believe I have accepted her loss but the fear of me leaving my 4 kids in the state I am in is consuming my life

I work 12 hours a week as I am a career for my son who has Autism I am married for nearly 16 years I have 3 grown up daughters all healthy all somewhat happy my middle daughter does have depression and all working I know there are people out there whose lot is a lot worse than mine I know some people who are having a horrendous time but I still can't help feeling like the most unhappiest person in the world I went doctors on Tuesday and told her I am done I need some proper professional psychological help I need someone to help me get to the point where I can go doctors when I feel ill with the same amount of nerves as normal people get and deal with whatever results happen during my life in a normal person way

I am nearly 44 I'm female I am as I type this probably 6 years late for a smear test I have a mole on my back I constantly worry about and get my family to check who assure me it's fine I have so many symptoms I have IBS symptoms continuously colicky stomach, jelly belly,constipation I am also aware that IBS affects anxiety levels and your mood so I feel I suffer more with that side of things, I have constant middle back ache shoulder and neck discomfort causing my ears to feel full or blocked causing headaches a lot I get a lot of chest twinges slight muscle spasms maybe since the doc has listened to my heart she has tested my oxygen levels and taken my blood pressure which I now find is reacting to me being at the doctors causing white coat syndrome along with all that more troubling to me I am constantly thinking about collapsing passing out dying suddenly what will happen to my kids? While I know that everyone at some point in their lives thinks like that my mind is constantly on it I am so desperate to try and make my life better other than my 12 hours at work which are 9-4 on Sunday and 4-30pm-9-30pm on a Monday I don't leave the house I really believe my IBS affects my anxiety if I need the toilet or my food is digesting then I feel anxious if I talk to people I run out of breath and that makes my stomach drop of you can relate to that? I feel like my chest is full I can feel my heart beating sometimes I am very aware of my jaw and my lips I am constantly checking if they are blue this has been very bad for the last 2/3 weeks I am scared to go work in case I take ill it is all getting too much to bear can anyone relate to this?

[Dla46]

Aww, you are clearly going through an awful time. If that's how you feel about your doctor surgery, then you should maybe relocate to another local one, for a fresh start? I know your notes would be transferred, but maybe it would be good for you to go somewhere new and introduce yourself to the new doctor and explain that you felt like the others were keen to dismiss you and that you hope to build a better relationship with the new one. Try to remain strong and not break down otherwise (from my experience) they tend to pass it all off on anxiety. But if you go in there with an action plan and portray yourself as "together" and strong then the new doctor will see you in a different light to the others.

I feel your pain with the fear of tests etc, but you have to bite the bullet, for your family's sake. I had some tests done a couple of years back and the all clear is what releived my anxiety symptoms for a long while. It does really help, even if it's just momentarily. When you next get worked up you can just think about the positive results and try to calm your nerves. You can always use positive results as a fight against the bolts of anxiety. I was sure my tests were going to come back saying cancer, and when they were healthy I felt the happiest I had in a long time! It was all worth just that 42 hours of pure relief.

I was also too scared to have an eye check as I was sure they would find diabetes or brain tumour...I was practically shaking in the chair... It came back fine! Another relief and worry off my chest... Step by step you will become braver.

As for the smear, please do muster the courage to get it done. You will feel so proud and it will be one thing you can tick off the list. Make a list/plan and tick your achievement off the list. Slow progress is better than no progress.

I will be sending you healing prayers tonight. Hope you feel better in time. You can do this!

I'm not sure what your beliefs are, but maybe try some spiritual healing, or meditation to relax your mind for at least 15minutes a day to give yourself a rest. Xxx

[Tinker28]

I can so relate ScaredCaz. I am going through some stuff myself and am freaking out thinking the worse. My doc ordered blood work and i have the follow up appoinment in a week. The blood work is done so now i wait in fear. Its hard and i feel hour pain your going through. I hate this! I hate it all i dont like going to see my doc. Unless i have to. I ended up while at work walking sideways without me doing so, i ran into a fence. It scared me, so i made an appointment with the Doc. i have gone through this before abd came out fine on the otherside. Im tired of this all. If this is all over the place im sorry my mind is all over the place. I have TMJ and under stress so i have thought that thats why my ear hurts and it caused my balance issue. I aslo have a slight sore thoart at times so my thoughts are running wild.

A long while ago a doctor once told me that if you heard huffs what would u think it was a horse right? Not a zebra or donkey, I try to think rational but not an easy thing. I hope your feeling better. Im here if u need to chat! All the best wishes with you. Hugs!