Feeling I don't deserve to be happy bowel fear still!

[Lockey1995]

Hey,

Posted allot on here over the last 2 months so I'll save most of the info you can look through previous posts if you want been worrying over everything and I still can't kick this colon cancer, rectal cancer fear I have been to two doctors about and they both said the same maybe ibs and stress. Was pretty annoyed on the second time didn't get a rectal exam :(.

Anyway been today gone as normal sort of it feels like I'm not getting as much out as I used to and twice today Theres has been a brownish mucus on the surface of the stool like one big strand on each this freaked me out again. Just started internally screaming its blood!, blood even though I don't think it was. I am worrying about several things atm and just can't stop!.

Ive had one cbt session last Monday going again on the 3rd of august.

But I'm back to stage one freaking out all over again, I have been constipated every now and then I need to drink
More but I never do. Also I might have narrowed my anxiety down to sleep I think I'm getting way, way too much like 11-12 hours idk what impact that can have on your digestive system if any. But I wake up at 12 in the afternoon.

I don't think its piles as there's no active bleeding I do feel I haven't emptied fully sometimes and a bit of discomfort could that be rectal spasms ?

What's the chance of me having rectal or Colon polyps at 20? I did do some research before and I found out quite a few in there 20s had it with no history or anything!

The thing that's weird though is I did all this before didn't drink as much and get up at 12 and still had bms as normal but now it's changed. Unless it takes time to constipate you.

Yesterday I had a scare had an urge and just passed a massive blob of brown mucus just mucus ! Is this common with ibs? Ive had bits like this but never brown or that much! I'm just anxious going to the toilet now so maybe being tense and scared isnt helping with going properly but can't help it.


I've literally lost my life at this stage, lost interest in hobbies, depressed, feel terrible completely isolated my self from everything :( i literally just feel like crying. I'm really scared incase I did ignore then they start getting thinner and thinner as time goes on and not return back to normal. God i can't kick this :(

I'm literally just stuck in an endless circle of worry and can't kick it :( and when I am happy I go back to feeling shit as I feel I don't deserve happiness at all basically feeling guilty for being happy.

Ive stopped the googling now.

Cheers, jack

[Mojo61]

Ask your doctor to refer you for a colonoscopy if you are really that concerned.

[Aleman200]

I'm in the exact same position. I thought i had a handle on things but it spirals out of control real fast, and i've done CBT. I hope it gets better for you man.

[Lockey1995]

Ik :( it's hard as it just won't leave me

[Aleman200]

Yeah don't worry you're not alone. Sometimes i think whatever it is that's going on in my body is gonna kill me and i'll become a new headline for the papers.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't think its piles as there's no active bleeding I do feel I haven't emptied fully sometimes and a bit of discomfort could that be rectal spasms ?

You don't need to experience bleeding to have piles. I've had mine nearly 20 years and bleeding was only at times or when too much rubbing from paper happened.

So, don't write it off. Let your GP determine whether you have piles, it will take them a few seconds by inserting a finger.

Your therapy is really far apart. Is there a reason for that? If you have joined just as your therapist is going on holiday I can understand it, although it's still very poor, but if this is due to demand alone, that's not your fault and the service need to bring your sessions forward so if they won't help, see your GP again and they may be able to put some pressure on them for you.

[Lockey1995]

But you don't think it's anything bad then?

---------- Post added at 14:40 ---------- Previous post was at 14:39 ----------

And the cbt he said he was really busy

[Lockey1995]

Yeah I need to stop looking etc however I just can't back to constipation, I'm now nearly enough crying at this stage looked down did bits red bits on it oh god freaking out majorly! Shined iphone light on it it was brown mucus appearing red probably different lighting conditions idk freaked me out and almost passed out. I did remember though on a previous search the brown said it could be traces of blood ! Now I'm totally in panic mode.

Ik ibs causes mucus but for ibs to last 3 months is that possible? 3 months today it all started and ive completely had enough :(