Hello Ladies and Gents

[ThomasSol]

Hi my name is Thomas i'm 35yo from Norway. Im kinda new at posting in forums, but I am very happy I found this site and hope we can help each other in coping with our troubles.
So I see ppl are kinda explaining their situation and telling a bit more about themself then I originally did, So here goes for the first time in my life this is how disgusting and non productive inhabitant of this world I have become.
I got abused all my childhood by my mom, not sexually but rly bad beatings torture, putting me in the bathtub flushing me with warm water until my skin turned all red. Just awful stuff that I would not wish on anyone.
My escape from this when I was 13 became drugs not the hard stuff, cannabis and alcohol for the most part. This kept my fear away, I did not know it at the time that the fear I experienced was anxiety. My panic attacks started years after and probably caused mt PTSD from my childhood, but since I never told anyone about this and the medical professionals at least 10-15 years ago treated "drug" users like a second degree human I did not get help, that just threw me into trying harder drugs to cope ending up with Cocaine and Subutex, plus valium,rohypnol,xanax etc to keep the anxiety away, this worked wonders until I turned 32 and decided not to take drugs anymore.
I have not used any drugs in 4+ years, But my panic attacks are now worse then ever. I live in a communal apartment where we can get help to go to the shop etc.. This is great, but I think it also have made my illnes worse, since I for the last 2 years have started to withdraw more and more from society. I get so scared even by the thought of going a little walk, And by the time I try to do it I have been awake all night worrying about it, and of course I end up failing miserably. So now I'm stuck in my apartment almost 24/7 scared off everything.
If I go up the stairs when im anxious I get shortness of breath and BOOM panic attack sets in, Impending doom, the shakes, depersonalization. So the only place I feel secure is in my apartment I know I have to change this but Im so afraid :( And then I get so very depressed when I think about how far I have let this go.
Sorry this ended up being a pretty long post I will post more in proper categories like what happens to me when I have an attack etc, I have browsed the site and u all look like a wonderful bunch of ppl look forward to get to know you, and talk to ppl who I can be myself to, If I mispelled or something did not make sense I tried my best English is my second language, sorry for rambling on
Thanks for reading
Thomas from Norway

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya ThomasSol and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[Pipkin]

Thomas,

to NMP! No need to apologise for your English which is very good. You've had a very rough deal so far but you've shown incredible strength by recognising the problem with drugs and coming off them. Well done!

I can't answer all your questions but there are so many people here who can help - you've joined the right forum. All I can say is don't give up and keep as busy as you can. You'll get through this and help is on hand here. Things may seem bleak but remember that's it's all anxiety which you can choose to ignore. Hard I know but you're strong and the future is yours if you want it. Nothing will hurt you.

Best of luck and keep posting.

Pip xx