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Thread: My story/diary so far....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
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    Red face My story/diary so far....

    Hi guys, I have been reading all your brave stories (which have helped me so much recently) and decided to explain mine a bit here too, sorry if it is a little long winded.

    I have suffered for over 18 years with GAD, panic attacks, depression and most recently social anxiety. I have tried many different anti depressants, including ciprimil, Effexor, lexapro (one that I've used the longest), arapax and Zoloft, to name a few. I have also taken small doses (.5-1mg daily) Xanax for many years, but in the last 5 years switched to Valium (2.5-5mg daily). I AM NOW EXACTLY 4 WEEKS INTO 20mg FLUOXETINE, and struggling.... I will explain my symptoms below.. I take magnesium and mega B vitamins daily too.

    In November 2015 I finished weening off many years of 20mg lexapro to see how I would cope without it, and thaught all the CBT and mindfulness sessions over the years would get me through.... Bad move. That's was the start of this recent downhill spiral and left me where I am today.

    The last 6-8 months I have been really struggling to do such simple things such as going to the supermarket or post office, and finding when I do force myself into these situations (even for exposure therapy), I am left with full blown panic. It is peaking at its worst when I have to talk to someone, or if I'm asked a question. Everything tenses up, I go mega dizzy, faint, shakey, scattered, sweaty, and breathless to name just a couple of symptoms (you guys already know the rest of them).. I am NOT any better in these situations after 4 weeks of fluoxetine, but I am hopeful and will persevere with all the draining side effects.

    My couple of days a week at work are becoming harder and harder to face, and that's even with minimal interaction with people. It looks like my anxiety has found a new way to bring me down now, and it's really scary.... I don't want to be housebound or this person who can't face the world. And I need my job.

    The 20mg fluoxetine (which I take in the morning), has to date left me with increased edginess, no appetite, sweaty hands and feet, nauseous, shakiness/tremors, daily headaches, lethargic, waking up every morning early (5-6am) with hot rushes down my arms, feeling vague and weak, low concerntration, feeling guilty and bloody depressed. I've spent a lot of time lounging around over the last few weeks with no excitement or drive to do my old enjoyable activities.... I almost came off fluoxetine as it is extremely difficult, but after finding this site, have decided to keep with it. The symptoms are most difficult during the mornings.

    I have pushed myself to ride my bike a few times a week, which helps because it gets me outdoors and is keeping me fit, but winter is here now and the days are getting colder/wetter/windy....

    I truely feel at rock bottom in my life, and praying that this tablet and some of you guys out there can eventually help..

    My partner has been truely amazing through all this, so I am very lucky in that respect, but feel so sad and guilty when I see all that she does for me..

    If I get a few responses on here, I will endeavour to keep posting as much as I can to show progress and hopefully help others as previous people have for me in previous diaries. I will try and make my posts as diary like as possible.

    I have another appointment with my psych in a fortnight, so hoping he can provide me with some encouragement too.

    Any advice or personal experiences or anyone going through the same fluoxetine period, I would love to hear from.... It would be nice to have a fluoxetine buddy who's around week 4....

    Cheers guys, Jase.

  2. #2

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Hi! Mines slighty different because mine is post natal depression and anxiety but i am going into week 5 tomorrow of fluoxetine and still dont feel better yet. Still very very anxious and shaky on a morning. By the end of the day i feel pretty much normal but i will still have a bad day every week, where i am just crying all day and feel very low and depressed. I would have thought the fluoxetine would have been working more by now but a lot of people have said 8-12 weeks to see a real difference! Anyway, your not alone. :-) x

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
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    64

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Thanks for the reply, yes I think that we need to just hang in till that magic 12 week mark. So hard going through such a low point, but reassuring I'm not alone. Warm wishes.

  4. #4

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Hi! I've been on 10mg flu for 7 weeks for panic and anxiety. I tried higher doses before but couldn't handle the side effects- anxiety, heat rushes down arms, sweating, panic... I've been like this since April and my partner does everything. I too find it hard to go to the shops.

    I wish you all the best, you are doing remarkably well to be working through this. Would it be possible to take a few weeks off either sick or holiday to get through the next few weeks?

  5. #5
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    Jul 2016
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    64

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Thanks Loulou,
    Sorry to hear your still going through the side effects after such a long time. I hope things start improving for you soon.

    I have a holiday booked for early August, 3 weeks in Bali, so am looking forward to that, although not looking forward to the airports....

    Had a decent nights sleep but once again woke early and couldn't get back to sleep. Have taken my fluoxetine for today and I'm back lying in bed now for a bit.

    Ate some museli for breakfast, and some chicken and veg soup for lunch.

    Spent the rest of today lying on my bed, watching tv shows and spending time looking through this site. Am feeling lethargic, shakey, depressed, guilty, and headachey. Anxiety has been low, I guess I haven't done anything so no reason for it to rise. I did anticipate going to the supermarket for some fruit, but staying in got the better of me. Will head around to my partners place soon to spend some time with her.
    Last edited by AnxiousSince1998; 20-07-16 at 08:12.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    361

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Hey! I'm half way through week 3 and feeling very poorly... Pretty much everything you have said above I have so you're not alone! I like you was tempted to come off them but I have kept going after the dr told me it was normal and to keep going! My anxiety is currently through the roof and I can't eat much well basically yeah everything you have I have! Exhausted but we have to keep going right?
    __________________
    "when life throws you a lemmon get the tequila out!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
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    64

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Hi Mardy, yes I think we just need to keep pushing on through these horrible annoying side effects and just accept that it's all part of the recovery process.

    This morning I actually slept till 9am, and even though I woke around 5/6/7, I was able to nod back off which was nice. It's just gone midday here now, and feeling a little ill in my stomach so just having some ginger tea to help settle that.

    I had to drive my partner to work this morning, and although slightly edgy with the city traffic, managed without too many issues. I was contemplating stopping at the supermarket on the way home, but once again avoided it. It's like a voice tells me 'no, you can't go there'.... Will see how I go this afternoon....

    Today is day 31 for me, and still feeling nauseous, a little shakey, a little depressed, still a little scared, and very vague with little appetite or motivation to do much....

    Back to lying on my bed now, I need to type out my tax return, so will try and get that done. It will mean going to the post office to get stamps/envelope, and the letter printed out, but needs to be done and looking at it as a goal for myself.

    I still haven't lost hope things will start to improve soon. Hope everyone has a nice day.

    Jase.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    361

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    10am here and woke feeling sick, shakey and nervous.. Done the school run with my friend and now sat on her step in the breeze waiting on my anti sickness tablets to kick in so I can try and eat a little something! Don't really feel with it today and wish I was laying on my bed but surrounding myself with my best friend today... Last day for my sons school then he's on summer break for 6 weeks which is making me nervous and emotional
    __________________
    "when life throws you a lemmon get the tequila out!"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    64

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    Great to hear you have a best friend for support, it's so important. Hoping the tabs kicked in and you got some food down. I've been relying on hearty chicken soups and fruit during the day to get me by, although my appetite seems to be coming back in phases which is great.

    Mardy maybe having your son around over the holidays might become a blessing in disguise. Hopefully the weather will be nice and you guys can get outdoors a bit which is great for our mind and bodies.

    I braved the supermarket today, yay, only for a quick 10 minutes, with my headphones in, and was shakey, scattered and on edge the whole time, but I survived. To top it off, I've just come home from visiting an electronic store and a pet shop without any panic apart from sweaty hands and being a little shakey, so quite proud of myself.

    Honestly seem to improve as the day gets on and finding the mornings the hardest to deal with.

    Off to bed shortly, have a great day/night guys.
    Last edited by AnxiousSince1998; 21-07-16 at 11:15.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    361

    Re: My story/diary so far....

    I find the morning the worst as well! My best friend is amazing and just deals with me and calms me!

    Well I'm off to supermarket soon as well. Managed. Banana and seem to be hungry but the thought of food makes me want to throw up! Drinking lots of full fat coke as thinking the sugar will help!

    It's nice to know we aren't alone right! And well done on your shopping try and build on that! X
    __________________
    "when life throws you a lemmon get the tequila out!"

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