Transitions!

[minny]

Hi everyone!

Im going through a rather "odd" phase at the moment and really would appreciate any advice at all on the best way to get through it.

Over the past month I feel Ive made really good progress. Its been a month (almost!) without drink or cigarette both which I abused heavily. After being agoraphobic for nearly a year and suffering panic attacks and depression, I have just recently started venturing out again with good results. I have also been seeing a councellor. On my last visit, we hit on all the reasons why Ive ended up this way and according to him, I am very fortunate because I can pin point the exact events which led to my depression and panic attacks. I have a cause!! Something to work on or "fix" as he put it. This is what we will be dealing with during my next session. He warned me that I may feel angry and resentful towards the people who may have created the events and this is a natural progression.

My problem now is guilt. My councellor was right. Since Ive accepted that the events leading up to my depression were caused by other peoples decisions/circumstances, anger and resentment has set in. The trouble is that it was my partner and familys decisions about certain things that were the cause. (my alpologies if Im not making much sense)

I cant talk to them about this anymore because then I would have to let them know that although they are not "directly" to blame, (I could never think of it like that) they are the reason I am the way I am now. Its so upsetting because I dont want to look at my partner and be angry with him or his family. I dont hold him or them responsible but I do accept that it was their choices and decisions that resulted in how I am today.

They all know something is wrong as Im snappy and withdrawn. Each time I face any of them I feel a huge ball of anger building up. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I feel so guilty.

My councellor described this as "a transition phase!"

I havent had a panic attack in nearly a week after suffering up to 40 a day and I no longer feel like Im living in a thick fog. My councellor suggested that I look at this as if I used to be sitting inside my bubble of depression looking out and longing to escape. Now Im outside the bubble looking in and Im angry that I was stuck inside the bubble for so long.

I just need to deal with the anger and resentment towards my family, understand it and get past it.

Thankyou all for listening

Love Minny...xx

[Karen]

Hi Minny

My problem now is guilt. My councellor was right. Since Ive accepted that the events leading up to my depression were caused by other peoples decisions/circumstances, anger and resentment has set in. The trouble is that it was my partner and familys decisions about certain things that were the cause. (my alpologies if Im not making much sense)

I cant talk to them about this anymore because then I would have to let them know that although they are not "directly" to blame, (I could never think of it like that) they are the reason I am the way I am now. Its so upsetting because I dont want to look at my partner and be angry with him or his family. I dont hold him or them responsible but I do accept that it was their choices and decisions that resulted in how I am today.

I can relate to this. Through my therapy I have learnt that my childhood and the behaviour of my parents has led me to where I am today. In fact, they are still behaving the same way now but, like you, I would not want to speak to them about it either.

I have often felt guilty, mainly for discussing all the past events in the context of how they have affected me. It felt disloyal somehow. I have also had a hard time coming to terms with the conflict I felt at loving my parents and knowing how they have treated me badly. I am now able to recognise that I can still love them as my parents, as well as acknowledging that their behaviour has hurt me consistently.

I haven't actually got to the anger stage, I'm not sure if that is to come or whether we all deal with it differently. My dad is very manipulative and controlling, and he has bullied me a lot over the years. I can now see the ways he goes about trying to control me and am gradually creating a little space between us and regaining some control. My mum just doesn't really care about me and continually rejects me. I am 35 now but it has taken me a lot of years to recognise what has gone on within my family and the effects it has had on my life.

You sound like you have made great progress in overcoming your problems and are still moving forward. I know it must be really difficult dealing with these feelings when they relate to family members.

I suppose you can listen to what your counsellor has said and recognise that this is a stage you are going through on the road to recovery. Once you work through everything hopefully you will find that the anger and guilt diminishes too. I just wanted to let you know that you are certainly not alone in feeling this way.

Briary

[kate]

Hi Minny,

I can also relate to the guilt, I suffered terribly with this, especially with issues surrounding my Post Natal Depression.

I found that hypnotherapy has cancelled out these feelings totally and helped me to realise that the guilt was totally unproductive.

Kate x

[minny]

Thankyou Briary!

I just feel so relieved that someone understands. Anger I can work towards dealing with but I struggle so much with guilt.

Love Minny...xx

[minny]

Oooop missed your post there Kate! I think we were posting at the same time! Thanks for your input.

Im glad the hypnotherapy has had a positive effect on you and yes guilt is unproductive. Im glad youre past it!

Love Minny..xx

[Merlinssister]

Hey minny.

Feeling angry is a very natural part of the process. When I went through a depression when I was younger I went through a phase of being very angry with my family, for all the usual reasons. It does pass. It's just part of the process.

MS