today's panic attack

[skymaid]

well I WAS doing well but I think I challenged myself too far.

4 weeks ago I started getting panic attacks again. one at the opticians then one at the doctors. he determined I was mentally exhausted (I'd been doing at lot of mentally intensive programming work combined with going to the casino till 3am and drinking vodka and comes). yeah I know terrible lifestyle. what did I expect?

anyway after a week or so of resting I started to do more and more normal things . starting with just walking round the block. then the park. going to the cinema. started to feel vastly better (had a few days I felt great - not even in my own head at all).

then I snuck in a bit more late night work. the odd drink. bit of gambling again.

then boom panic attack again on Wednesday out of the blue. I tried to challenge myself by taking my cat to the vet today. and there was a random huge wait (15 minutes in reality). but I just got more and more panicky. suddenly I just HAD to get home. I left.. total panic kicking in. reversed the car into a sign (small scratch). nearly drove into a parked car.. then it peaked and I started to feel really shakey but a bit better.

took a diazepam when I made it home but I think it was a waste of time by them.


now I just feel like a total loser/idiot again.

just had to share my horrible day.

I think I'll just stop gambling complete for a good long while. too hard on the nerves. I supposed to only good thing is I've beaten this before so I will again. (I hope).

the only 'new' bit is I always worry I might be sick (THIS TIME YOU MIGHT kinda thing). I have homophobia so that's my worst fear. surely if I've had panic Ttacks off and on for 20+ years they wouldn't start making me sick now?


hmm that was long sorry.

[EbonyNightfall]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your horrible day and that you're having a set back. I completely empathise. I have emetophobia too and for me every time I have a panic attack I experience the fear that I might be sick. If I'm out of the house at the time then that fear becomes pure terror, so, I don't often go out! My anxiety has started occurring as soon as I get in a car, (sadly I've not been this bad for many, many years), and my most recent panic attack happened on Tuesday and was absolutely horrendous, my body is still physically aching from the tension and shaking.

You would think if we've never been sick during a panic attack before, (of which if you're anything like me there've been countless), we'd start now, but I'm like you, I always think this time I had a lucky escape and next time I might be different! I know this is unhelpful, negative thinking but it's so hard to change! For a while, when I was doing better I found thinking the "so what if I am" approach helpful. My next line of action is to try daily meditation/visualisation to help reduce everyday stress and anxiety so that when I do venture out my anxiety levels will be lower. What did you find helped you beat the fear before?

You're not a loser or an idiot. Everybody experiences different difficulties and struggles in life, these are just ours. It doesn't make us lesser people, even though at the time you can feel like such a failure! You did so well to conquer your fears before, I'm sure you'll be successful again

---------- Post added at 00:52 ---------- Previous post was at 00:51 ----------

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your horrible day and that you're having a set back. I completely empathise. I have emetophobia too and for me every time I have a panic attack I experience the fear that I might be sick. If I'm out of the house at the time then that fear becomes pure terror, so, I don't often go out! My anxiety has started occurring as soon as I get in a car, (sadly I've not been this bad for many, many years), and my most recent panic attack happened on Tuesday and was absolutely horrendous, my body is still physically aching from the tension and shaking.

You would think if we've never been sick during a panic attack before, (of which if you're anything like me there've been countless), we'd start now, but I'm like you, I always think this time I had a lucky escape and next time I might be different! I know this is unhelpful, negative thinking but it's so hard to change! For a while, when I was doing better I found thinking the "so what if I am" approach helpful. My next line of action is to try daily meditation/visualisation to help reduce everyday stress and anxiety so that when I do venture out my anxiety levels will be lower. What did you find helped you beat the fear before?

You're not a loser or an idiot. Everybody experiences different difficulties and struggles in life, these are just ours. It doesn't make us lesser people, even though at the time you can feel like such a failure! You did so well to conquer your fears before, I'm sure you'll be successful again

[skymaid]

thanks for the kind words. I've had a couple of good days and starting to think more clearly again.

when I'm feeling calm and rational it seems so ridiculous to work myself into a panic over literally nothing. I have literally nothing to worry about in my life. I SHOULD be calm and happy. as you say when I feel like this I can think (almost) "so what if I am? it's brief, unpleasant but happens so rarely why ruin you life thinking about it?"

but then when the fear takes hold I just seem to turn into another person and suddenly it's the worst thing ever and I'd rather die.

resting and trying not to dwell seems to be helping. my psychologist says that the panic attacks are the sign of a tired mind. much like a foot cramp if your feet are tired.

after all I hadn't had a panic attack in 15 years or so until I started working ridiculous hours followed by casino till the small hours.

thanks again. reassuring to know someone has the same thought however self destructive they are ��

[EbonyNightfall]

You're very welcome I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. It's heart-wrenching to read about the terrible suffering people on this forum experience, and for too many on a daily basis. A few tender, well-meaning words to offer comfort feels so trivial and inadequate!

It's terrible isn't it to prefer the idea of dying!? I've confided in having felt that way to others in the past and they've found what I've said incomprehensible and completely ridiculous! They're lucky that they don't understand...having said that, when I'm feeling calmer and more rational I don't quite understand it lol

It sounds as though you burnt yourself out and that your mind's telling you you need to take better care of yourself. It's good that you know what's triggered the return of the panic attacks. That way they should be easier to overcome again

Good luck for the future. I hope everything goes really well for you

[skymaid]

not sure if you've tried it but I had a psychiatrist assessment on Thursday and I'm starting some cbt/mindfullness/talking therapy next week. also since he knows I'm emetophobic he didn't even bother to suggest the usual Ssri medication he said I should try lyrica. he says he's never known anyone to be s* on in 10 years or so of prescribing it. in fact he said it was originally used for people in extreme pain in hospital to stop them being s*

anyway I read some really positive stories on here about it so hopefully it works for me.

ideally the other treatment should work and I won't be on it forever though. I hate the idea of getting addicted to something