Feel other people are thinking negatively about me.

[Purple Llama]

Hi, does anyone else feel as though other people are having negative thoughts about them? Anyone got any advice for trying to stop this cycle?
It doesn't stop me being in a social situation, but I never really enjoy it for this reason.I'm tired of feeling like this, but can't seem to get rid of it.
Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

[KeeKee]

I'm similar to this. I find it very difficult as I have a bit of a negative family anyway. I've been told I'm miserable, boring etc. Family members pick at little things and I have virtually no confidence. All I can think of is if my own family think this way of me, what would complete strangers think of me?
I also like different music, TV programmes, weather to the majority of people.
I'm also very self conscious of my physical appearance due to acne and hideous dark circles. I don't like speaking to people as I feel they are staring at my flaws.
Similar to you, I don't avoid social situations but find them very, very difficult.
So sorry I don't have any advice, but I know how you feel and know how absolutely soul destroying it is.

[Joonyer]

Hey guys - self-loathing overthinking veteran here. I can comment from a position that leaves me as a total hypocrite, but I've spent a good 10 years or so reflecting on this kind of thought process and I've learned a few things.

Firstly as per my sig, you're not that important. Sounds harsh right? But put it in context: think about the people in your social circle. How often do you think about them as individuals during an average day? Maybe one or two of them, once or twice possibly? The bottom line is that you're not the centre of the universe - you're just a spoke in the wheel.

Again this sounds harsh and I'm not for a second saying "you're not important, you're not worth it" - think of it in the wider sense of what I'm saying. To imagine that people are all having negative thoughts about you would mean you're a super-important person; someone so central to everyone else's lives that they sit and think bad thoughts about you... really?

The first time I read the idea that social-anxiety and this kind of self-reflection is 'narcissism' I got quite defensive. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It doesn't mean you're standing in the mirror flexing your biceps - not that kind of narcissism - it means you feel like you're the centre of the universe and a focal point for everyone else.

The fact of the matter is that you're a cog in the machine. You serve your purpose; you're a part of your group, whatever that part is. Everyone else is too busy paying the bills, worrying about their career, thinking about what they're having for dinner - they're not sitting there thinking "man that guy is a dick."

And just to reiterate, I still think like this all the time. When I'm having my self-loathing days, reflecting on something I said to someone 8 years ago and how stupid it made me sound/look, I withdraw and punish myself mentally for a day or two. Then I wake up the next morning and it's business as usual - the cloud has largely lifted. It's always there, but I've learned to manage it.

So my only real tip is this: once you start to think people are thinking badly about you, think to yourself "really? is it likely that people busy with their lives care that much? I'm a good person and I know that for a fact." Then take a couple of deep breaths and get on with your day.

Hope this rambling made some sort of sense anyway. Keep your head high!

Matt