Hi
Just a bit of history first .Always been a tad OCD regarding housework etc throughout my life. I am 51 years old, and left my husband 5 years ago, having been married for 25 years. Throughout this process I never cried a tear, for either him, or the fact that the family had to be split, and life wouldn't be the same for our 2 children. I knew that is what needed to be done, in order to find someone who truly loved being with me.
Roll on 1.5 years after the divorce, and I met Michael. We started seeing each other April 2013, and from the very start we clicked. He is a drummer in a Rock band, and has a host of interests, and such a loving caring man,something I didn't really have in my marriage. We have had loads of fun times together, never argue, and support each other over any medical problems. (We are middle aged now) I enjoy spending time with him, and we have no problems with intimacy, he is my rock, and always think of him first if I need any support .My daughter who I live with adores him. I honestly think I love him loads, but that thought sometimes me into a panic.
Here is my problem, as we have been dating 3.5 years it seems like a natural progression for us to join houses, but I just get scared. I have for the past 8 months been now questioning, do I really love him,?.. is he right for me. if I feel so anxious in the relationship it can't be love, all the usual ROCD traits. the thought of him never being in my life again, and finishing this relationship, makes my head spin in a panic. I don't even look at other men, or even see another man in the future , but the anxiety, and thoughts are making me Ill, and I feel I need to finish it, to get better.
I am on 50mg of sertraline, and now my reactive arthritis has kicked off, which potentially could mean a couple of months off work. I am sure it is the stress that has triggered this, although the consultant has had to put me on steriods which probably won't help my state of mind.
I just don't know what to do. I tried hypnotherapy, which actually helped a bit, but my question is, would I be better to try CBT?.. Or do I just finish The relationship, and try to sort my mental health out first.
My only thing that stops me is that I finished my marriage with no tears, and the thought of never seeing Michael, sends me crying all over, but the moving in together scares me just as much.
Any advice would be appreciated, as the pain in my chest from anxiety is awful
Reply With Quote
