Citalopram - works eventually

[DoodleDoo]

I'm posting this in case it might help anybody.

I went in the space of 18 months from being an incredibly confident person, able to present to huge audiences and deal with any situation, to an absolute mess of a person with wild panic / anxiety attacks on an almost daily basis. Very bad thoughts made me question wanting to go on. I found myself pacing up and down, banging my head off walls, and generally not seeing any future and not really wanting to be around any more. This was caused by lots of bad situations and sheer bad luck in this short time, after decades of a very nice life where I'd had no problems at all.

I managed to hide this from work, and continued to function until I had what I guess was a small breakdown. This timed with my two week holiday, so instead of signing off, I went to the doctors and was given Citalopram 10mg and took these while on holiday (basically 2 weeks where all I had to do was sunbathe and sleep.) The advice was to move to 20mg as soon as I could cope.

I reckon I got ALL of the side effects... but being on holiday where I had to do nothing ... be responsible for nothing ... meant that the side effects didn't really impact on me. My expectation was that within 4 to 6 weeks, any side-effects would be gone, so I basically had a 2-week head start on them where I didn't have to deal with real life because I wasn't at work or home.

Back to work, after the 2 weeks holiday, the side-effects did not subside ... I won't pretend it was easy - these tablets made me dizzy, nauseous, diarrhoea, wierd dreams, and made me put on weight even though I had no appetite and ate nothing. By week 6 I was still feeling the same way - that is - the tablets weren't helping at all. I was ready to give up.

This is now week 8 (on 20mg now) and finally the side-effects have gone away completely. The anxiety/panic has almost totally gone away. They DO work, but you need to give them time. You have to accept the fact that they will NOT make you better in 2,3,4 weeks. I now feel normal maybe 95% of the time. They do kick in after about 2 months - this looks like a long time to wait, but it is nothing compared to what I had to endure over the previous 18 months without them.

So - basically - saying, don't give up. I'm not saying they have made me extra happy - they haven't - I'm saying they have definitely taken away the terror / panic / anxiety that I had felt all the time I had before I took them. I'm not the person I was, but I'm not far from it.

Long story short - stick with it. If you have my experience, you will feel no better for 6 weeks plus, but then suddenly you feel better. Don't give up on the first 3 days or even weeks when you perhaps even feel worse than you did before - how I feel now is a million times better than I did before I took the Citalopram. Please feel free to msg me if you have questions - I know what you are going through. I can see a good future now - I even start a new job next week and it does not phase me at all.

Hope this helps.

[DoodleDoo]

Update since a few people have contacted me since I posted this.

I do seem to be getting the odd replapse. Last night in the garden, my shaky/panicking came back from nowhere. I was hallucinating quite badly. I could clearly see people and animals in the garden that I know weren't there. Everything I looked at had a moving pattern on it. Lasted a couple of hours. My wife was with me and confirmed (obviously) that none of the things that I was seeing were actually there. I knew this, and when I walked over to where I could see them from a distance there was of course nothing there.

Just wanted to confirm in case anybody was worried that I was claiming above an almost cure, that there are good days and bad days ... But the bad days are still far fewer than before the tabs. Had a bad night sleep, and feel like crap today, but am putting this down to a blip. Will revisit the docs in a couple of weeks to discuss if it doesn't sort out.

[Fishmanpa]

Just the fact that you're discussing this blip so rationally shows the benefits and progress you've made. Keep up the good work!

Positive thoughts

[dally]

Crikey! Whilst I am very pleased for you, that, on balance this med is working for you most of the time. Your start up side effects and the hallucinations would scare me witless! They are why taking meds are impossible for me. I admire your strength of character to understand your condition, discuss the hallucinations with your wife and accept them as just a side effect. For me, that would be horrendous. Thank you for your update and your honesty.

[DoodleDoo]

Dally, I don't know your situation or how long you have endured this crap. All I can say is this:

I endured it for almost 18 months and it came close to killing me. I, reluctantly went to the docs, explained it,and got put on Sertraline. The Sertraline was horrific, and I gave up almost straight away. I had friends and family who all said Citalopram had helped them so I tried that. As you see above, I've had another 2 months with either no improvement, or in some cases even worse once on Citalopram. But now it's better, with some blips.

If you feel like crap all the time, and are taking no action on the meds front, then it will just continue. Or you can trade feeling like crap for an indefinite time, with no end in site, or try a med,where, granted, you might feel worse for a couple of months, but will definitely get you to a better place. Blips and initial worse symptoms are worth it when you swap them for an eventual feeling a lot better a lot of the time once you get over them. If you research (Google) brain chemistry like gaba levels, and seratonin reputake inhibitors, it helps a lot in allowing you to understand and endure med side effects, which will help you to cope with them until they start to help. Diaoreaah, dizziness, weirdness ... All goes away. Blips like hallucinations (which only happened once so far, yesterday) ... while scary, you can still cope with too... Because you go "I knew this would happen, I was expecting it, and I know they are not real".

I'd highly recommend giving the meds a go... They won't cure you... But they will give you many good days where you can deal with and try to get to the root of your problems. Once you have lots of good days, you can start to address the cause, and eliminate it from your life, meaning you can taper off the meds again. That is my plan! I hope this helps. I'm not a Dr, and have no medical qualifications, so this is just my opinion. But researching and understanding the psychological and physiological reasons for understanding how you feel and how the meds help will make things much better. Try the following Google search...

"how long before you feel better on Citalopram" and look at all the results of success stories.

Good luck. Feel free to contact me if you want.

[Fishmanpa]

^^^^ Spot on! ^^^^^

Positive thoughts

[DoodleDoo]

So, once again, a post to help anyone in two minds about taking Citalopram.

Another month on, and the daily 20mg of Cit gives me no side effects whatsoever. No dizziness, no high, no diaoreaah - the things that all happened and worried me for the first 2 months. I am now 99% better. It has effectively taken me 3 months to get to this point, but it was worth it.

I'll be honest, I don't know if this is all due to the tabs, or the fact I addressed somewhat what was causing my anxiety. Mine was my job, and the terror of losing it and not making the mortgage and all sorts of negative thoughts that made me want to end it all. I got a new job - the new job won't be easy ... But all of the bad things that my old job made me feel are gone simply because I left it, and whatever goes wrong there will be nothing to do with me.

I was taking Valium every day because it really really helps with panic/anxiety - but Valium is not easy to get. I now take this maybe once a week if I really need to instead of every day. I was also taking 3 X 40mg Propranalol (a beta blocker) but I honestly think these did nothing). I now take no Propranalol - just cold turkeyed theses with no side effects.

Best wishes!