Another yet sufferer

[Ulver]

Hello all,

I've been lurking into this forum for some time now, reading and trying to get courage by the -so many- similar to mine stories here but today I decided to introduce myself.

I am a 34 years old woman who has been having stress and anxiety since my very early years (back then mostly in the form of fears and phobias). It used to be bearable. Anxiety on and off, a couple of panic attacks sporadically and a few cry spells now and then. I could stand this. Really. Sadly on my 28th years and after experiencing my father's sudden death everything became much more intensive (I was in deep depression for 6 months after the event without going into anti depressants) and it seems my anxiety became somewhat a permanent thing.

My anxiety involves mostly around health related issues. I constantly feel I am sick and close to death. I've seen numerous doctors, I've gone through quite a few medical tests, I've been to the ER many times but the fear is still there. The funny thing is that my psychosomatic symptoms change all the time. So, even if I get the reassurance from a specialist that my heart for instance is fine, a few weeks (or even days) later my body will get brand new symptoms that have to do with some other part of my body. Might be headaches, tiredness, coughing etc. In that sense I constantly have to visit doctors to check something new every time. And I guess you all know that the list of diseases is pretty much endless.

I've been to a therapist but it seems the help I was getting was not enough. I cannot say I noticed any difference for the better. I am pretty much desperate and feeling quite hopeless and drained. This thing is draining my vital energy. My brain is always full of dark thoughts and my heart constantly in fear. It has come to a point that I am drifting back to depression, and this time it is because I can see that this thing is taking my life.Anxiety does not allow me to live my life the way I want.

Another yet sufferer...

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Ulver and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[Mark13]

Hi. Welcome to the forum. I'm sure you'll benefit from being here, just as I have.

[Ulver]

Thank you for the welcome ☺

[Shain321]

Are you interested in taking medications? I have suffered with diagnosed anxiety for 9 1/2 years, but I too had many phobias as a child (37 now). I've been on and off meds the whole time, with a 4 year break this last time I came off. Those four years have been a living hell. I went back to the doctor (a naturopath this time) and even she prescribed me traditional medication. After a few trials, I am currently taking Lexapro for anxiety and Wellbutrin for the depression the past four years of misery have caused. I am also taking an herbal supplement my dr suggested, Rhodiola Rosea. I can totally relate to your health anxiety and tiredness. I believe I had/have a dopamine deficency that the Wellbutrin is helping with. As of the last few weeks I am feeling more alive, alert, and energetic. There will be some combination out there (therapy, herbs, meds, etc) that will get you on a path to wellness. Good luck!

[Ulver]

Medicine... That's a tough question to answer. To be honest, if you asked me two years ago I would have said "yeah, whatever it takes to get rid of it". Actually I tried to get on Zoloft but I got hives on the second day, even more on the third so both me and my doctor got worried and decided to stop. It seems I got more than just worried, i got scared, so I did stop visiting this particular psychiatrist in fear she would put me on a different brand (and my fear at that point was I would get a really life threatening allergic reaction).

Apart from my unsuccessful try with the Zoloft, I had been in a (longer than should be) round of benzos. I used to take them daily for more than 6 months (luckily in a really small dose) but I got dependent on them and it was really tough to stop them.

At the moment I am not on pills but the truth is (even though I wouldn't like it) if someone could guarantee me that a particular medication would help me get out of this then yes, I would try it.

It is ruining my life way too much as it is now.