five year long string of health panics

[CanadianLady]

Hi Everyone, I have been coming on this site for a couple of years reading posts and understanding completely what everyone here is going through.

I am in my early forties and have always been a nervy person. The pregnancy of my second daughter, I believe, has triggered a case of health anxiety in me. At the 18th week, I was sent for a panic ultrasound by my GP when she was having trouble detecting a heartbeat. And long story short, which involved rude nurses and a weekend of worry, my daughter was diagnosed with fetal cystic hygroma - a very large septated fluid-filled sac on the back her of neck indicating heart and/or chromosomal abnormalities. It was a likely possibility that I would lose the baby and I sat around for three weeks crying. I even selected an epitaph for her headstone.

But we soldiered through and the fluid resolved itself, and additional testing showed my little girl had typical chromosomes. She was born healthy, but the damage was done to me. Ever since that experience of 'we are having a baby' turned into 'I'm planning a funeral', I have been completely on edge about my own health and that of my two daughters.

Like most of you, I have convinced myself that I have had almost every form of cancer in the last few years - pancreatic, melanoma (just had two moles removed and found out last Thursday they were benign), brain, throat, uterine, ovarian, you name it. I am trying desperately to not run to the emergency for every little thing and stress out my daughters. Really, last Thursday I just stopped worrying that I was about to die of melanoma, and now my oldest girl comes to me with a bump on her wrist. I (of course) googled it and it looks like a ganglion cyst - she loves to do Gymnastics and the wrist with the bump is the one that takes all the stress. I will take her in to verify that that is it, but in the back of my mind I can't help but fear it is cancer. Really, I go from one event to the other like this, expecting that this time will be the time one of us ends up in a box. I want to be able to just enjoy my many blessings - a happy marriage and two adorable little girls without constantly thinking some sudden health crisis will take everything I cherish from me.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya CanadianLady and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[fduop]

Good morning CanadianLady. Welcome to NMP, I'm glad to see you are putting the site to good use. NMP has been a game changer for myself, simply because it's great to know there is a community out that gets what you and I are going through. So welcome.

After reading your post the part that really stuck out was your statement, "that this time will be the time one of us ends up in a box", and here's why. I have suffered from panic, health anxiety for quite a while. Like you the emergency room personal knew by first name. But here's the kicker, last year after a very stressful several months one night I had the worst "acid reflex" I ever experienced and treated it as such. What I discovered a week later was that I suffered a mild heart attack. For so long I anticipated this and dreaded it, but when my worry and anxiety finally made it happen. To my shock, I made peace with it.

I don't know if any of this is making sense, but for so long I feared the fear. But now that the real thing finally happened, I was at peace. Now this doesn't mean I haven't had a panic attack or two since then, but the idea of dying doesn't stress me as much as it did. Listen CanadianL, I'm not a professional and everyone's experiences are there own. But once I made peace with the fact that I will die someday. I'm learning to live each day being the best I can. I hope this helps CanadianLady, may your journey be a full one.

[Mark13]

Hi. Welcome aboard. You've certainly found a good place to be.

I'm sure you'll find lots of support here, as I have.

[Nispire.com]

Welcome at nomorepanic forum , Hope you'll like it here.

[Pearly queen]

Hi, your story struck such a chord with me, I put myself through all the things you do and all since my children were born. I never thought until you mentioned your daughter but our first child was actually born with some chromosome abnormalities and serious health issues requiring major surgery. She is fine now but maybe I subconsciously took the trauma of what happened with our first born and it made me obsess over worst case scenario. It's a thought. I hope you find all the support you need here.

[CanadianLady]

Thank you, PearlyQueen. I am happy to hear your child is doing well. I turned to the internet and a support group at the time of that diagnosis. Some of the ladies lost their babies, others were born with Turner Syndrome or Down Syndrome and have gone on to do very well. I was trying to understand where this fear and anxiety came from in me, as I never used to worry so much about health/death.

[chrismex89]

You are not alone. You recieve some psychiatric treatment like medication?, a therapy or any kind of help?