HIV Sick of being worried sick please read
First of all, thanks to everyone who is about to take the time to read all that i have to say!! Brace yourselves!
I am an 18 year old female, and have suffered from anxiety for as long as i can remember. It was a few years ago that my anxiety seemed to go down the hypochondria path. Over the past few years i have been in and out of hospital, convinced i have something wrong with me, i have visited the ER in a panic numerous times convinced i'm dying of one thing or another.
In February 2016 i met my now ex boyfriend, after sleeping together, he informed me that he had had unprotected sex with men (one couple) and although they had said they get regularly tested and were free of any sti's, he himself had not been checked since. Of course this immediately set off major alarm bells in my head and so this all begins.
shortly after hearing this news, i noticed white spots on my tonsils but no sore throat, in time, they went away on their own. i then went through a period of extreme anxiety, i spent every day googling, researching, checking my body for symptoms and signs that i might be infected with HIV, i was a wreck, i could hardly eat, sleep, string a sentence together, i felt foggy in my head, shaky, achey, you name it, i felt it. Every symptom of anxiety seemed to match a symptom of HIV. THEN, i noticed i began getting a burning sensation on my palms, it was particularly intense when my anxiety was heightened but still lingered/ came and went when i was feeling OK (as ok as one could feel). I had never had this symptom with my anxiety before so i was convinced this was HIV related.
Over the past months, my anxiety regarding HIV has settled down, but now it is rearing its ugly head again. I cant feel any swollen lymph nodes as such, but i feel tenderness in the places where they after supposed to be, especially above one of my elbows, inner upper arm, closest to the body, it feels like a tender muscle to the touch, but I'm convinced it is a swollen lymph node. Along with this, i have noticed that i can feel to lumps in my mouth (one on either side, symmetrical) directly below my bottom teeth, right towards the back, i have never noticed these before, could these be swollen glands??? or are they normal and have i just not noticed them before?
I feel like there is something wrong with every aspect of my body and i am worried sick. I am tired of not being able to live my life and feel calm. I am constantly feeling nauseous and on edge.
I live in australia where HIV is not very common at all, and the risk of contracting it is low. i have not lost any weight, i am generally healthy, i do not catch every cold that comes around, etc etc, however none of this is enough to put my mind at ease.
i know the obvious thing to do is to go get checked, but i am not at a place within myself yet where i am able to do that. The thought of it sends me into a panic attack.
Can anyone shed some light on this for me? i don't know what to do anymore.
Has anyone experienced burning palms?? or had this HIV scare and thought they had every symptom in the book but it turned out to be nothing?
my biggest dream is to have children and i am currently studying to get into med school, to find out i have HIV would ruin my life.
To add, my ex boyfriend is also very healthy, and has not lost any weight since his encounter.
Sorry for the massive jumbled post, im in a bit of a panic.
Thankyou so much for reading!!
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