How can i stop checking?

[rainbow]

Hi, I'm currently caught up in a debilitating health anxiety downward spiral.

This one started off with seeing something red on the tp after wiping. I had eaten red foods in the days previously but that wasn't enough to chase away the intrusive thoughts. I've searched all my old posts and I have posted about this same thing happening a few times before, about 5 years ago.

Now this has turned into an obsession and going to the bathroom brings huge anxiety and compulsions. I can't stupid checking for anything untoward in my stools 😳😳so much so that I have even taken stools from the toilet to check! Sorry TMI I know. I can't believe what this has done to me, I'm ashamed.

I am a 50 year old mother of 5, I have 3 grandchildren, one of which was born a week ago and hellish anxiety has cast a shadow over what should be a joyous time. I've also been through a particularly stressful time with my 30 year old son who has bpd and narcissistic traits. He is a prolific self harmer and is addicted to prescription drugs and has psychotic like episodes which seem to be getting closer together. This last week has been hell with him massively harming himself.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can curb the checking I'd really appreciate it. I can't go on like this 😪😪

[smiles]

I don't know what to say to stop you checking, it's not surprising your HA has gone crazy at the moment, sounds like you are going through hell!
All I can say is that if you had the same issues 5 years ago and nothing has come of it, it will be nothing sinister now. If it was something sinister you woul be having a lot more symptoms by now.
Talk to your gp about how you are feeling, I'm sure there will be support for you. Take care lovely x x x

[rainbow]

Hi, thanks for replying,

I am trying really hard to fight this but it's difficult. The same thing happened 5 years ago and I spent months in a really bad place. I almost lost my job and my children were beginning to notice. I desperately don't want to go back there again. Why does HA make rational thinking so damn impossible?

It's even got to the point that I'm forcing myself to have a bm just so I can check. Am I going to waste the rest of my life worrying??

[Fishmanpa]

There's a young fella on here that's been going through an extreme poo checking spiral himself. The "hows" are easy and there are a bunch of suggestions on his threads. It's the self control that seems nearly impossible when dealing with OCD tendencies and anxiety.

The easiest and most common sense suggestion is just to flush before you get up. Simple right? Apparently, not as easy as it sounds for a poo inspector.

Positive thoughts

[rainbow]

Hi fmp,

I was hoping you'd comment! I have noticed the other thread you mentioned, kinda glad I'm not the only one that's obsessed with this.

I am trying so hard to control this compulsion but the urge is so strong. I hate this so much.

[unsure_about_this]

I am glad I am not the only one as well who dont check their bowel movements. I am in my mid 30s and had this fear a couple of years ago and ended up requring to see a specialist and have the camara up my backside. I still worry about my poop and have been known to have a good look at it in the bowel, noting down the times and have also took photos of my bowel movements.

[Marie2016]

Hi,
I'm new here but a couple of years ago I used to suffer from severe health anxiety - I would check everything, heart rate, temperature, skin changes, reflexes, bowel habits, I honestly went though stages of checking just about everything.
I went to CBT and learnt about the 'cycle of anxiety' simply it means that we have a worry, start checking to reassure ourselves and so the cycle continues.
What I learnt to do is to stop checking - I know that's way harder that it sounds! But if you can find the courage to not check and wait out the anxiety then you'll realise that you didn't check and were fine anyway, nothing happened and you're healthy.
That's how I broke free, I still have my moments (one of which was today) but it's very rarely an issue anymore

[Kathryn313]

Hi.

I am in a similar place with fighting the checking urge. I am relatively new to this HA thing so in no-way confess to be either an expert or even successful in beating it. My HA bonfire is definitely still burning.

CBT thinking is however useful for me at the moment but I appreciate how hard it can be to adhere to. In this situation, CBT would note the following -

There are two routes you can follow after the first two steps:

Step 1)You go the toilet
Step 2)Before getting off the toilet, you ask yourself what will checking achieve? and what will not checking achieve?

Route1: Your threat brain will answer first telling you that you have to check, you are under threat and the only way to know that you are ok is to check. The threat brain requires instant relief, it is addicted to checking and by checking you are like an addict getting a hit.

So you check:
If it is ok then you feel relief, for a small while until you need another hit.
If it isn't ok (or more likely you perceive it as not ok), then your threat brain goes into overdrive - like an addict overdosing, you cant think straight, you are out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop the anxiety ...that is until the drug wears off. Once it does wear off you will need another hit and probably quite quickly.

Or you take the second route...

Route2:You hear the response of your threat brain, acknowledge that it's worried. However the only way to remove an addiction is to ween off the drug. So you tell yourself that this time you are not going to check. You accept that this will create an even higher level of anxiety (like withdrawal) but you sooth your threat brain by telling it that nothing will change as a result of not-checking, symptoms are there or more likely not there whether you check or not but by choosing not to check you can begin to reduce the level of dependency on the drug which will allow you to assess things more rationally.

So you don't check, you close your eyes and flush the toilet.
The threat brain creates panic at not knowing what it was like, anxiety goes off the scale but gradually over the next 20-30 mins the threat brain realises that nothing bad as happened as a result of not checking. Nothing has changed and it is soothed by your logical brain and rational actions. This too will only last so long as it is an addiction, but each time you don't check the weaker the need for the drug should be.

Over today and yesterday I am practising route 2 in relation to not checking my tongue in the mirror...the other practical thing that helps is not turning the bathroom light on so I cant see my reflection!

I have also told my threat brain that it can check tomorrow morning before I see the doctor as nothing different will happen as a result of not checking until then. This deferred worrying/checking is a way of reducing the daily (or more realistic hourly) dependency on the drug.

No idea if any of that helps in this case! however writing this down was quite cathartic for me. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

[rainbow]

Thanks to all who've replied, it's much appreciated.

I will try to cut down on the checking as I can see how out of control this has become. I have had cbt twice in the past now and have found it to be very helpful. I think that my resolve has been weakened a lot by having the stress of my son and the awful time he's been having lately.

All I want is to stop this anxiety before it ruins me!

[Kathryn313]

All completely understandable. Xx