Shallow but think my social anxiety is due to feeling ugly

[KeeKee]

I have had mild social anxiety for a while, it was bearable and didn't affect my life, it was possibly just shyness as opposed to actual anxiety.

However these last 18 months I have severe anxiety being around people. I can't be bothered to socialise anymore, have no interest in making friends etc and I truly believe it's due to a change in my appearance since early last year.

I have developed dark circles under my eyes along with puffiness that comes and goes (my dark circles never go). I looked exhausted even when I'm not. I have oily skin and any physical exertion triggers it and it lasts all day long and I look like I've just applied baby oil. I also have really dry, fragile hair. I look horrendous. Any humidity or me being hot and it goes frizzy, curly and looks horrible.

The shallow part is that until my mid 20's (I'm 27) I felt quite attractive (not stunning or anything but nice). I always used to get attention from others and compliments etc. I have my hangups like everybody else but I still felt attractive if that makes sense. I had lovely hair, I liked my eyes, I had acne still as I've had that since I was 20, but I didn't have dull looking skin like I do now. I have crows feet, deep wrinkles under my eyes and I'm absolutely devastated. I look hideous and can't face seeing anybody. When people I used to know when I looked nice walk past, I feel like I could vomit.

I don't understand why I've changed so much. The only thing that happened last year is that I lost the weight I'd gained from Paroxetine and along with that came damaged hair (even at my roots where my straighteners don't touch), dark circles, greasy skin and the lowest mood I've ever had. I feel completely repulsive and hate being around other people.

I still go out, I'd go insane if I stayed in the house all the time. It just feels so unbelievably depressing to go from being decent looking to looking like a troll. I have photos too that prove the change. Not from any angle can I take a photo where my dark circles aren't showing. I've tried eating healthy etc and it doesn't change it. I'm currently trying to drink more plain water as I always add juice to it.

It's like the before and after photos of drug addicts.

Sorry for my shallow, self pitying post I just can't seem to get over this and I've really, really tried. I just want to look like the normal me.

[lilxe]

Hi there,

Please do not feel you are simply being shallow, I feel it is perfectly reasonable to have social anxiety due to this, especially in this day of age as there is so much emphasis on the apparent importance of appearance in the mass media, social media and the like! Appearance is given enormous value in most cultures so no wonder we want to lock ourselves away if we feel we don't meet the grade.

There is a misconception as to what someone should actually look like and it contributes to the low self-esteem many feel when it comes to their appearance. Please do not berate yourself because you feel as though you are not attractive anymore, it is a waste of energy and instead focus entirely on taking care of yourself instead. If the drugs have caused your hair to thin/the eye bags allow for time and maybe your so called 'flaws' will 'improve' and perhaps you will feel more confident in yourself as a result.

Don't compare yourself to your past self or others as this is so damaging to your self-esteem and you will want to isolate yourself from others further, accept yourself totally, everyone is beautiful and you will have lots more to offer to other people than your appearance anyway.

All the best

xxx

[KeeKee]

Thank you very much for your reply lilxe, if my hair and eyes could sort themselves out I really would feel so much better (and my acne of course, but that's hormonal). I just feel horrible. My hair feels disgusting to touch too, I hate it. My skin feels uncomfortable. I just feel 'minging'.

I really do wish I could accept myself but I can't, I really do feel uncomfortable, not just self conscious but as though I am unclean, my hair is just horrible and the oily skin makes my face feel horrible and sticky all day long (although I don't tend to get it in the colder weather).

I guess I should just hold on to hope that maybe my hair and dark circles will improve as you said. I used to have nice hair and that was when I bleached it too so maybe I have just had some kind of stress going on within my body and maybe it will soon correct itself.

[lilxe]

I know how difficult it is to be in that mindset and the awful feelings about the self it brings, I really hope you feel better about yourself soon xxx

[SLA]

Have you considered doing something like an elimination diet to see if there is a particular thing that makes these things worse?

To break the cycle, I would suggest you spend the next few days looking at bits you are happy with. Once you start doing that, you'll begin to notice a lot more positives.

I'm sure you look fine.

[KeeKee]

Hi SLA thank you for replying. I have issues around food and eliminating anything other than one specific thing at a time would probably be impossible. For example I could give up soft cheese, but but not cheese as a whole. I could give up white bread, but not brown if that makes sense.

If it was any food intolerance or anything though would it just come on all of a sudden like this has?

I am not happy with one single part of myself. Not one. Not even a finger or a toe. I dislike every inch of my body. But I've always has body issues and hid under clothes which is fine (although very uncomfortable in Summer), but now my face makes me feel horrible I can't hide that.

I just wish I knew for definite what was causing it. I guess it could be food, stress, deficiencies, allergies. I know there is so much that could cause them it'll probably be very hard to find out. But I can't get over it. My oily skin is the worst I use an expensive foundation anyway due to my acne, but my oily skin causes it to rub off now whereas it's usually amazing.

I'm not fine though honestly, I know some people see themselves worse than they are, but I've seen photographs. I do not look good at all. It makes being around other people an absolute nightmare. I have absolutely no urge whatsoever to socialise lately.