Hi,
First of all, I want to apologize for creating another thread on this topic. I have a lot to say, so it would feel wrong posting this entire write-up on someone else's post– especially since most of them are very old.
Second, I've been creeping on this site for a while and I finally decided to join. The community seems so nice that I just couldn't pass up the companionship, as no one else I know has this silly issue.
Anyway, onto my problem.
For the past four months, I have been horrified of having an allergic reaction. Not just anaphylaxis, but mild reactions as well. I'm a hypochondriac, so the thought of anything being wrong with my body sends me into pure panic. I have anxieties as well, so this may contribute to the factor.
It all started when I was having a particularly bad week of anxieties. School was starting back in two weeks and I was really nervous. One night during that week, I was eating peanut butter ice cream and my throat started to feel tight. My mouth was slightly dry as well. I immediately quit eating and started to pace around the house for half an hour, checking my throat and lips every two minutes. Nothing seemed to be happening, but it felt like it was, so I continued to go frantic until I distracted myself. Before I knew it, the sensation was gone.
After that, I was afraid to eat anything involving nuts for a week. Once the week was up, I got the urge to eat Reese's cups. I forgot about my fear and devoured several of them. I didn't experience the same reaction.
Well, I had the same ice cream in the same location of the house a few days later. As I put the first bite in my mouth, I remembered what happened to me the last time I ate it. Instantly, my throat tightened and I dropped the spoon. I found a distraction and the tight feeling disappeared almost instantly, but it left me terrified of anything with nuts.
That was four months ago. Now things have gotten worse. I won't eat anything with even a trace of nuts in them. Two weeks ago, I devoured almost a whole container of off-brand Oreos. I got the same cookies yesterday and read the label. It said they "may contain traces of nuts." Ever since I read that, I haven't touched a single one of those cookies– even though I was just fine eating them two weeks prior!
This phobia has gotten so bad that I've started eating less and less. I'm very picky about the things I eat before I leave for school because I don't want to have an allergic reaction in middle of a class. I end up only eating an apple, and I refuse to eat again until I get home that evening. On top of that, I exercise regularly, which requires me to eat more. But I can't eat more, because I only have a few "safe" foods and I want to ration them out for the next day.
Before this started, I was at 137 lbs. Now I'm 126 lbs and still losing. I know it's bad for me, and I know horrible things will come out of eating like this. But I'm so, so, so scared to eat. The first thing I think when I see food is, "Does this have nuts?" It's killing me, literally.
To clarify, I have never had an allergic reaction, nor does my family have a history of them. My mom is allergic to gluten, but that is because of her medical condition which I do not have. The ironic thing is that I'm not scared of gluten in the slightest; I'm only scared of nuts.
I sound crazy, I know. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm starving and losing my mind in the process. I just want to eat everything like I used to without worrying about what will happen to me.
I've read things on here about how people eat little bits of their feared food here and there until they aren't scared of them anymore. I want to do that. I've attempted that almost every day for a month, but I always end up throwing the food down before it touches my lips.
I guess most of all, I'm just looking for reassurance. I just need a little boost to convince me to try these foods, because I KNOW I'm not allergic. But the thought of suddenly becoming allergic controls me.
Sorry that this is so long. But does anyone have any tips on how to force myself to eat the things I'm afraid of? I just want to be normal again.
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