New to this site - my story (in brief!)

[CJK]

Hi All

I'm a 37 year old male who works and lives in London. Good job and own home - on the face of it all seems fine. Never posted on a forum before in my life but hoping this site may be of help.

Had the toughest year of my life at work - working all hours including weekends and cancelling holidays - culminated in me getting signed off work with stress (one of many who have crumbled). Been there over a decade, barely taken any time off in my life, felt guilty doing it but just HAD to see the doctor. Couldn't sleep, irritable, angry, tight chest, shallow breathing, sweating, numbness, feeling sick on way in etc.

Got some time off for stress symptoms and then after a couple of weeks (when I was supposed to be relaxing) I got full on panic/anxiety attacks when out. In the supermarket. On the motorway (VERY scary). Cinema. On the tube. In the street. My legs turned to jelly, felt like I was going to collapse, heart pounding, dragged myself home on each occasion and don't know how I managed it. Now very wary of visiting the places these things have happened at and feel the world suddenly becoming much smaller. Barely told anyone, I'm too embarrassed, and being a man it seems so much harder to open up...after all boys don't cry (or so we are told). I've worked out that I am ok ish when say out walking in a quiet space (like a park) but when I have too many people around me or too much stimulus (like lanes of traffic) I turn into a nervous wreck. I feel the need to escape all the time.

I start CBT next week and am trying (in small, tentative doses to face my fears) but it feels SO hard. Also been prescribed Citalopram 20mg daily (VERY reluctant to take it, feels like some kind of personal failing). For now I'm holding off to see how/if the CBT helps first.

Anyone got any advice on how to recover from this? Does the medication help? I have paid time of work (for now) but really worry my life seems to have come to an abrupt halt and I worry now about the future..."is this it??!!"

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya CJK and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[Kuatir]

You seem to have worked hard all of your working life for somebody else. Now is time to work hard for yourself. It is a long journey, but you can get better. It is good that you are already trying to face your fears; this is important.

Taking the meds is not a failing, it is taking the initiative to help you while you work out your coping mechanisms through CBT. Managed well, both will put you in the right direction.

My story is similar. I was working too much and pushing myself too hard. That was about a year and a half ago. I still have blips and off days, but I am generally much better. I've also learned that life is a lot more than work. Don't feel guilty.

[Mermaid16]

Hi CJK. It sounds like you may have some anxiety and panic attacks that are leading to you towards agoraphobia. I agree that taking meds is not failing, you may experience some start up effects if you choose to to down that path, so it is probably best to arm yourself with knowledge about what you may experience so that you know they are just start up effects and nothing else is going on. There are lots of things you can try. Deep breathing for 15minutes a day and mindfullness is good. There are a lot of books out there that can help you understand what anxiety and panic attacks are and how to overcome them. I have just started putting into practice some strategies from a book called DARE by Barry McDonagh. He has a few videos on youtube if you wanted to look at these and get some idea about it. Also Claire Weekes books have some methods. One of things that I learnt from the DARE book is that anxiety is just nervous energy in your body, it can't hurt you. Along with panic attacks, these are just symptoms they won't hurt you either. This isn't it. I was first diagnosed 20 years ago, I have had a few blips along the way, every 10 or so years, but other than that I have held down a full time job and have parented two children and run a household. There is help there and you will get through this.

[skymaid]

Welcome to the site.

Our stories are almost identical (except I'm a 38 year old male). A really tough year of work, a few stressful event side events too and suddenly I started getting panic attacks doing normal things (at the pet store, on the way back from fishing, in the supermarket). It's led to agoraphobia.

I'm on my 4th cbt session and I'm on the way out of the rabbit hole. I didn't really go down the medication route (large because of scared of the side effects). Although I did get "emergency" diazepam.

Up to you whether you do it with CBT + medication or just one of either but whatever works for you. Only other advice I could give is don't try and rush to get better. I've done that repeatedly (suddenly go back to far too much work and throw in as many social things as I can - then have a panic attack and set back my recovery).

[Faithelaine1061]

I have been on citalopram 20mg for 5 years. It has been a life changer for me, though everyone is different. If medication is not something you think you want to do you should look into different therapies, one that worked best for me was hypnotherapy. I know the panic attacks are hard, you feel like they will never go away. I like to listen to hypnosis videos that are on youtube. and sometimes I will do progressive muscle relaxation, doing this at the beginning of the day can make your day a million times better. Just remember you are NOT the only one going through this and everything you feel is completely normal...EVERYTHING. Take a step back when you are in panic and say hey... its just anxiety and its going to pass.

[Pepperpot]

Hi. I can relate to you. I think my panic attacks started off due to being overtired and stressed (had an incident where my 9yr old son was rushed to hospital in Jan last year, and then he didnt sleep and neither did I - it all caught up in July). Anyway, I thought there was allsorts wrong with me, and refused to take the antidepressant they prescribed (well I did for 2 days but it made me ill and I stopped), but I did take propranolol, although I didnt really think it worked. Anyway, Im rambling now.
I slowly got better, and I mean slowly. I tried to ensure I got early nights, and I signed up for CBT. Over a year has passed now, and I still do feel like Im choking and that Im struggling to breathe, but when I think logically about it, it's when Im overtired.

Dont feel like you have failed. We all need a little bit of help sometimes. My husband had no sympathy for me last year and was constantly telling me to get a grip. Until this year - he started feeling the same. Luckily for him, he had an understanding (and also quite bitter but I got over that) wife, and a healthcare thing at work that allows him to have a personal shrink basically. He is also on citalopram. x

[CleoD]

hi there
welcome and have been where you have been .. very stressful job/ non stop etc.. I developed extreme anxiety and in the end packed in my job.. as to be honest the culture was one where you were expected to be "on tap"..

I was given a tip by my GP to help me sleep and to help me stay calm first thing in the morning its an over the counter antihistamine phenergan.. I have posted on here a few times.. it literally saved me.. and I continue to take it now and again if I get anxiety.. its not addictive and I took it about 30 mins before bed time (just 10mg only) or if bigger tablet then break it up... I found that I slept better and then when I woke in the morning I felt calmer...

I got so bad a few years ago that I was put on anti d's.. and it was the right choice at the time.. however I came off them slowly middle of 15.. and since then I take fish oils (www.mind1st.co.uk) and also exercise every day for 1 hour.. it took me a long time to realise that this has to happen (even if you feel like crap) to get on top of the anxiety.. and when I walk I do breathing exercises.. I also read lots of books a good one is back from the brink which gives you lots of tips on how to get through depression or bipolar.. but anxiety too.

dont beat yourself up about being off work.. bear in mind that employers now have to treat mental health issues like a form of disability so your HR team/ line manager will get it..

I can understand if you feel you dont want to go on AntiD's.. there are lots of side effects that I dont miss... maybe try the phenergan .. it helped me take the worst out of it.

Thinking of you lots.. and I know how it feels to wear a mask.. did it for years in my old job.. hugs
Cleo D aged 45 exec