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Thread: Is this Derealization?

  1. #11

    Re: Is this Derealization?

    Okay guys, I've returned to this topic because I'm still anxious about this symptom.

    For instance, yesterday I was looking at some old photos of my family on vacation. Looking at my mother's face, I started feeling very strange. As if there was something off about her. I mean, of course there was something "off", the picture was taken many years ago and she has changed a lot in the meantime!
    Nevertheless, this feeling scared me. I started having concerns about possibly developing dementia and thought that maybe one day I won't be able to recognize my family anymore. Another concern was that I could get psychotic and harm them, thinking they are strangers (by the way, I have OCD and I do often get intrusive thoughts of that sort).
    As for the Capgras delusion mentioned before... No, that's not it. I don't actually believe that these people are strangers. I know they're my family, they just feel strange. It's like the classic symptom of depersonalization when you look at the mirror and you feel like you don't recognize yourself, even though in theory you know who you are and that that you do look like that.

    But then I also noticed I sometimes have another strange feeling, which can actually be described as the exact opposite of this "people seem strange"-feeling. I can look at someone (usually someone close to me, or a collegue from work) and get this bizarre feeling that they look very familiar, like they are somehow very "real", like I'm hyperaware of them. It even feels like I'm on the verge of suddenly remembering something or making an association while looking at them. Or that they strongly remind me of someone else. Of course, I never remember anything, it's just a weird momentary feeling. It goes away quite soon if I stop focusing on this feeling and direct my attention elsewhere.
    And it can actually happen with inanimate objects as well, although very rarely - I will look at an object and feel as if this object is very significant, as if I'm about to remember something if I continue looking at it, but I never do. Although one time I looked at a tile of a fireplace and suddenly made an association with the cover of an air vent in my old house. Why? Because the tile had the exact same shape and size of that cover. Bizarre.

    By the way, it occured to me that I also have face blindness. I haven't mentioned it before because I didn't think there could be a connection, but maybe there is? For instance, face blind people may often stare at somebody trying to figure out whether they know them or not.

    Now, obviously these are not classical symptoms of derealization, but I really have no idea what other forum I could post this on, and these symptoms do feel like an altered reality, just as derealization makes you feel. And I have no luck trying to google these feelings, because they are really so abstract I can only describe them in vague, long sentences.

    Another reason to worry is because I started experiencing these symptoms only recently. I've had other derealization symptoms right from the onset of my OCD/anxiety/panic disorders and got used to them. But these are completely new. Can you even develop new derealization symptoms? Is it because I'm stressed and anxious all the time? Or are these signs of another mental disorder or maybe even a physical condition? I have severe health anxiety, so I can imagine anything from brain tumor to MS.

    All replies are helpful! I'm very thankful to everyone trying to help me!

  2. #12

    Re: Is this Derealization?

    Hey guys, sorry if I'm spamming this topic. But I'm almost driving myself insane. I was down with some sort of virus infection for the last 2 weeks, and it made me feel very depressed and anxious.

    I've been over-analyzing these feelings so much. I've created several theories as to why I'm experiencing the "someone looks overly-familiar"-feeling (described in my previous reply).

    The first theory was that because of my depersonalization I am looking at other people, trying to "recognize" something familiar in them because I am searching for "myself". This theory made me panic, as I was scared that one day I will detach from myself completely and forget who I am, clinging onto another person thinking that I am them. However, I think (and hope) that this theory is a little far-fetched. My depersonalization is not that severe, and right now I only feel a little weird when looking at my reflection in the mirror from time to time (as opposed to the days when I wasn't able to look at any mirrors at all).

    The other theory I like better, and it could explain why I could be noticing objects in that same "they're familiar!"-manner as well. I know my brain is always hyper-aware of everything. Because of my OCD, I often attach a symbolic meaning to the objects or situations in my life. I am very prone to magical thinking, believing that something very trivial may be of high significance. Because of my anxiety, I may constantly feel like I'm in danger and subconsciously search for potential dangers in my surroundings. And because of my hypochondria, I may feel like the smallest signal that my body gives off can mean something extremely serious.
    So, my theory is that my brain is constantly aware of everything around me and is always on the search for various signals that can signify something important. So when my brain screams "Look at it! Look at this object/person!!" it creates this very weird feeling. Basically, I think that my brain might be malfunctioning because of the constant need to be aware of everything.

    Or at least I hope so, because I'm still unable to dismiss the possibility that I may have some kind of neurological condition...

    What do you think of this, guys? Are my theories plausible?

  3. #13
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    Re: Is this Derealization?

    Honestly, I said 'oh my God!' when I read what your fear is. I have the exact same fear about detaching from myself!
    I worry about my mind separating from my body, and I've written about it on this site quite a number of times.
    I've never had anything neurologically wrong with me and I've had a CAT scan and an MRI. I do believe that your mind is just running away with you and overthinking everything.

  4. #14

    Re: Is this Derealization?

    Quote Originally Posted by ana View Post
    Honestly, I said 'oh my God!' when I read what your fear is. I have the exact same fear about detaching from myself!
    I worry about my mind separating from my body, and I've written about it on this site quite a number of times.
    I've never had anything neurologically wrong with me and I've had a CAT scan and an MRI. I do believe that your mind is just running away with you and overthinking everything.
    Thank you. Your reply made me feel slightly better. I'm glad that no one could find anything physically wrong with you! Perhaps it really is our mind playing tricks on us.

    I was really stressed today because I have a big deadline coming up at work. I was really exhausted by the end of the day. And when I came home, I noticed that I feel weird about my cat – as if there is something strange about her.... It was something inbetween derealization and the "Oh! I recognize this"-feeling. I ended up avoiding looking at her in general, because these feelings freaked me out and I got scared that I might become psychotic and try to do something bad to her... So maybe there is a connection between my stress levels and these feelings, even though I didn't feel stressed on other times when I experienced this.

  5. #15
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    Re: Is this Derealization?

    Definitely! When you think about it, even the most relaxed of people feel stressed out at times and then they have a physical and/or mental reaction to that stress. It just so happens that stress affects people like us by giving us depersonalisation. It's not fun or pleasant, but it's just anxiety.

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