I'm a 22 year old female. My anxiety started exactly 6 months ago when I experienced my first, intense panic attack. I had been drinking which is strange because I am an occasional drinker but never experienced something so scary in my life. The fast heart beat, hyperventilation, sweating, it was the worst. My panic attacks always tend to be about something bad about to happen to me such as a faint, heart attack, stroke etc. Especially seizure as I witnessed it from my mother a number of times and it frightened me, and there's no where to hide from all of it, my mind always tells me the worst, scariest things when I'm panicked and I hate it! 6 long months later and I am still trying to cope with this horrible anxiety. Good news is I haven't had a panic attack in 4 months (touch wood) although I do experience those feelings of being about to have one but doesn't really happen, I believe its known as a 'panic jolt'?? I still 'feel' the anxiety and the physical symptoms that go with it, muscle pain from tensing up, muscle twiching sometimes, dizziness, vision problems like flashing lights that happen once everyday not a lot to be bothersome just alarming. Had chest pains but dissapeared from taking beta blockers. I do get extremely irritated at times which is also not me, I also find that I cannot keep my posture, my head just feels 'heavy' all I want to do is lay all day. If I'm sitting, automatically slouching forward is 'comfortabe'. I also have a weird sensation on my left side that come and go which is typically hard for me to even begin to explain the feeling, its not always there but it scares me and was told its not a cause for concern as there is strength in my limbs and no numbness or tingling, but its just annoying and to me, not normal and must just go away! Is this even normal for my age?
Don't know what seemed to trigger it, although I've always had anxiety as a child as I have seen a number of child psychologists during that time. It has only become more generalised 6 months ago. I am in therapy for it and my therapists tells me I don't need any medication for it as it never seemed to help anyway, taking meds makes me more anxious, thinking ill be needing meds for the rest of my life, and I don't! I just want to be 'normal' again, if that's ever possible. My anxiety is mainly based on my health, leaving me feeling more vulnerable because where I'm located, I can't afford medical insurance and am unable to have myself 'fully examined' to put my mind at ease.
This anxiety has taken over my life as I'm unable to socialise properly, I'm always inside as I don't work which is what triggers my depression. My daily life is the 'same' boring life with nothing to look forward to, nothing to occupy my mind with, its just the usual stay home and wait for hubby to return kind of life. I can understand it adds fuel to my situation as all I do all day is drown in my thoughts (and I think deep). I have a 3 year old toddler, however that goes to school in the day but keeps me busy when she's home. I am also expecting my second and trying to be as calm for this pregnancy. My sleeping patterns, I must say, are extremely unhealthy as I spend most of my nights awake and my days sleeping. Is this the reason I am unable to get better? Is it making me worse? I eat as healthy as I possibly can and have a healthy water intake. I kind of 'forget' to practice my breathing and do it whenever I can. I hardly exercise much as I mistaken the heavy breathing for hyperventilation and am afraid it will make me panic again, besides reading it is a no.1 elimination for anxiety, I am just scared. Maybe a little lazy. My husband and I also hardly talk as I'm very mute I only talk to my therapist who encourages me to open up to people around me as it will make me feel a lot better.
I feel like a different person and I will never be the same again and its killing me! Breaking down doesn't seem to help either, I just wish it will go away! All I want is to be reassured, I want to know I am not alone, and I will get better there is a number of issues in my life that are hard to deal with but I find it unnecessary to mention all of it. I personally feel I'm at a point in my life where my body just gave in to all my emotions at once and bam! I got hit with anxiety. I am however unhappy with where I am located due to financial struggle especially medically and will be relocating/immigrating as soon as I can. Hopefully I will start working where I am going and I do have access to proper medical insurance, I just can't wait to leave this place! I am dying here, not literally. I am also aware of my unhealthy lifestyle pulling me further downwards but I am working on making it better, I swear!
Please! Any replies? I'd appreciate it.
Sorry for the long tread I just needed to let out everything I kept in for months and need reassurance please.
Nina.
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