Im moving away.

[xilvey]

I'm unsure if this is the right place to post this bur here goes.

Firstly, I haven't posted in a long long time as I found the no more panic facebook group and it has been an incredible journey. If anyone is on that group you will understand the vast amount of support on there and how incredible it is!

Secondly this may be a long post with sensitive content. If you read on id graty appreciate it, if not, I understand.

Now my anxiety has been awful. In the past year, ive gone from being engaged, with my own house, trying to start my own family (unsuccessful), being trained to being stock manager of my local next shop to breaking up with dean, moving back with my mum, losing my job and ending back at square one. Cant leave my house, terrified to eat, panic Attacks every day with little to no sleep.

Through therapy I unveiled the horrors of when I was raped, whilst consoling in my "friends" they accused me of being a liar, they all turned on me. They either still see him and reticule me, or they simply have better friends.

I tried to get better. I did. There was one night where I pulled all the courage I could to go to the pub. I invited roughly 15 people, only to sit there, in a loud, boisterous place, which I hated, for almost 2 hours to find put after too many calls that they had all gone to a different pub (after convincing me to go to this awful one) with the rapist.

He also now has a new drug dealer that lives a few houses up from my house, so I see him and his car and who I once thought were my friends every single day. There was one day he started shouting out to me how I have no life, I should "grow up"(reference to my fears) and that Im better off dead.

Ive been an awful state. I'll admit I have self harmed. Nothing too serious, ive tried to kill myself but my mum found me before I was able to kick the chair. I cant take this. I recently filed a report with the police in hope they could at least stop him coming In my street, but its a very very very long process.

Me and my mum (I f***ing love this woman) are now moving away. Not just out the town either, were moving to wales!! I'm excited for a new beginning and a new start, I'm excited for our new house (cheaper houses for bigger size too!) I'm just terrified of attempting to make friends. I'm terrified that it wont make me better and I'm torn on whether to tell any of my so called "friends" I'm leaving. I deleted every social media account I have and changed my number. One friend messaged my mum asking if I was ok because she's worried about me. I dont know anymore.

Part of me just wants to up and disappear and the other part wants to have a last goodbye. Im so lost and confused.





TL;DR: Ive lost all my friends to the sick **** that raped me. Moving to wales, do I tell anyone? Or just go? When I do, how do I make friends??

[Sunflower2]

Hey,

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time recently, but moving away sounds the best solution. If I was you I wouldn't tell anyone since none of your friends sound like they really have your best interests at heart. I would leave, delete all contact, get a fresh start and begin to be free of your past. Perhaps in Wales you can get better healthcare too for your anxiety?

Good luck!

[xilvey]

Thank you very much, I think that's what I needed to hear. And yes I've heard it's brilliant there!