Hi, I have suffered from anxiety for close to 20 years and it has changed through the years and I have always just accepted that this is part of my life. I do things in my life to make my life easier, which can often mean running away from people as they are talking to me, making my son stand in a queue instead of me and avoid public transport altogether.
I have a fear of getting diarrhea, which all started many years ago when a doctor said I had IBS. I have physical evidence that supports this fear which is what has made it so hard to psychologically battle this and to think that it 'won't' happen, cause it already has and what if it happens again. I have had CBT in the past, and although it has helped I'm still at a point where I will avoid doing things, I guess cause it is easier to avoid situations.
My sadness comes from people around me not understanding it, how exhausting it can be, that a simple night out can be a draining experience and my friends don't understand why I have to go through every single detail of the night, including going on venue websites to see how many toilets they have and if there might be a situation where I'll have to queue.
I guess I am just exhausted from living life like this, and with a trip to Vegas coming up (which I would quite happily cancel), I know something needs to change. This is my first step to that change.