Feel like I can't carry on. Please help. Venlafaxine + mirtazapine

[Lollipop44444]

Hi. I am new here but desperate for advice.
I suffered with severe post natal anxiety and depression after having my daughter 4 years ago.
I was put on 45mg of mirtazapine which saved my life.

I was fine for a year then tried to take contraceptive pills microgynon and loestrin which both sent me spiralling backwards. This was when the venlafaxine was added at 37.5mg.
I was fine on this for two years.
Since last December I have suffered relapses every couple of months which always is about 10 days before my time of the month.
I have such bad insomnia anxiety and suicidal thoughts that the doctor has kept on increasing my venlafaxine. I always do seem to recover but then a month or two after I am back in despair.

I am now on max dosages 45mg mirtazapine and 225mg venlafaxine (the venlafaxine I take 4 different pills a day)

I am 4 days in to the increase of 225mg and still feel awful which I expected.
However I am terrified of the thought of what happens to me next time? Where do I go from here? I am not mentally stable enough to decrease or switch meds I honestly feel I would have a breakdown.

My doctor thinks it's PMDD and has given me a mini pill to take to try to stop my periods however having reacted so awfully to them in the past I'm too scared to take it incase it sends me crazy and I can't increase my anti depressants.
I have read a lot of things of women taking Prozac for two weeks of their month but I take it this is not an option as an add on for me whilst on ven and mirt?

I just feel like I am at the end of the road meds wise.
I have lost two jobs this year and lost £1000 as I didn't feel well enough to go on our family holiday.
I have a 4 year old daughter to look after and just cannot bear to keep going through this. I cannot plan anything or do anything as I never know if I'm going to have a relapse.

My life is ruined and I am ruining my relationship with my other half and my daughter. I feel like the most useless mother and I just want it all to end.

If anyone can help me please let me know.

[PunkyFish]

Hi. I am new here but desperate for advice.
I suffered with severe post natal anxiety and depression after having my daughter 4 years ago.
I was put on 45mg of mirtazapine which saved my life.

I was fine for a year then tried to take contraceptive pills microgynon and loestrin which both sent me spiralling backwards. This was when the venlafaxine was added at 37.5mg.
I was fine on this for two years.
Since last December I have suffered relapses every couple of months which always is about 10 days before my time of the month.
I have such bad insomnia anxiety and suicidal thoughts that the doctor has kept on increasing my venlafaxine. I always do seem to recover but then a month or two after I am back in despair.

I am now on max dosages 45mg mirtazapine and 225mg venlafaxine (the venlafaxine I take 4 different pills a day)

I am 4 days in to the increase of 225mg and still feel awful which I expected.
However I am terrified of the thought of what happens to me next time? Where do I go from here? I am not mentally stable enough to decrease or switch meds I honestly feel I would have a breakdown.

My doctor thinks it's PMDD and has given me a mini pill to take to try to stop my periods however having reacted so awfully to them in the past I'm too scared to take it incase it sends me crazy and I can't increase my anti depressants.
I have read a lot of things of women taking Prozac for two weeks of their month but I take it this is not an option as an add on for me whilst on ven and mirt?

I just feel like I am at the end of the road meds wise.
I have lost two jobs this year and lost £1000 as I didn't feel well enough to go on our family holiday.
I have a 4 year old daughter to look after and just cannot bear to keep going through this. I cannot plan anything or do anything as I never know if I'm going to have a relapse.

My life is ruined and I am ruining my relationship with my other half and my daughter. I feel like the most useless mother and I just want it all to end.

If anyone can help me please let me know.

Hi

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I can't really advise you on your medication as a doctor is best to do this. However your life is not ruined, that's just your depression talking. Try not to dwell on the past, so what if you've lost two jobs and a £1000, that's nothing compared to what some human beings have done in the past. You need to concentrate on yourself and to get well again.

[Lady Penelope]

Sorry you are having such a bad time. I know it's always difficult when you increase medication.
I had a very bad time after my son was born with post natal depression and anxiety and felt like I had missed part of his childhood and almost ruined my relationship. However things did get better and my son is now grown up and happy and m relationship is good. I have been fine for 25 years and only recently started suffering from anxiety again . I got thought it once before So I am determined to get through it again. I can't advise on the medications you are on but it sounds like you really need someone to talk to. Can your GP refer you for counselling? Or are there any local organisations to you that can help? I know some of the charity's that deal with depression/anxiety have helplines so maybe they could give you some advice. Best of luck and a big hug for you. Xx