what do you think triggered your anxiety or made it much worse?

[ashnjim]

mines started at scholl exams approaching and so much stress at home too.

[Scarlett77]

God, so many people on here have had such horrible experiences - my heart goes out to you all. It was more a build up of things for me, i'd say it all started in my early teens. From age 13, my dad emotionally and physically abused me, and i was severely bullied at school. Add to that a violent, alcoholic boyfriend in my early twenties, and i think that's why my social anxiety is so out of control now.

scarlett

[heavymind]

Oh Eibhlin, I could have written what you have, it was my mother who kept telling me/my sis that the world cant be trusted and its very bad and she was hysterical many times and remember being afraid of her starting to yell, which used to feel like never ending screaming at everything.

[Lozzie]

Well I ticked parents/upbringing and gradually built up over time with no real explanation.
I had my first panic attack when I was in my teens bout 13. I didn't know at the time that it was a panic attack because I didn't really know what they were. It was all really due to my relationship with my Dad. My Dad left my mum when I was a few months old and my sister was 13. He was never really around me when I was growing up and one of my first memories I have is when my Dad visted me and he picked me up and held me and I just looked at him and started crying because I didn't know who he was. Quite a sad first memory really. Over time my Dad used to come round and visit when it suited him. When I was about 6-7 he used to ring me up and promise to take me out on a certain day, like to the zoo or park or something. I would get really excited, the day would come, I would be ready and sitting by the window waiting to see my Dad pull up in his car but 9 times out of 10 he wouldn't turn up. I would get so upset but I still believed he would come. I remember spending the whole day sitting at the window looking at every car go past just waiting for my Dad, hoping he would turn up.
He wouldn't even ring to explain why he wasn't turning up. This used to hurt me so much. At the time though I never admitted it, I just used to bottle it up (a technique iv mastered over the years)
Then the next time I saw or spoke to my Dad, he would say nothing about him not turning up and would pretend like nothing happened.
Over the years this obviously affected me but i never let on.
It got to my 13th birthday and I was having a part at my house, my Dad PROMISED he would come. The party started, no sign of my dad and party ended still no sign of my Dad. No phonecall nothing.
He turned up 5 days later with a birthday card. This time I actually plucked up the courage to confront him and I asked him why he didn't show up and he said "Sorry I was at a football match". That was the moment that I could never forgive my dad for.

Anyway about 2 years ago I found out why my Dad left and it was because he had cheated on my mum with several "other" women while my Mum was pregnant with me. He was even engaged to one girl even though he was married to my mum!! He left my mum when i was a few months old for the other woman. Since finding this out, I have no respect for my Father. As far as I'm concerned that is something I can never forgive him for. He hurt my Mum and me badly. I haven't seen or spoken to my Dad for nearly 2 years. He can contact me if he wanted, he has my number and knows where I live but he hasn't contacted me in all this time. But yet he still see's my sister every weekend

Anyway sorry iv prattled on but it is a long story.
So all the let down,bottling up of emotions and hurt I have been through has resulted in me suffering the way I am now.

Laura xxx

[hoppipolla]

it's been interesting reading everyone's stories, like scarlet said my heart goes out to people too, it's so sad when it feels like the world is hurting you and it gradually gets worse in your mind until it's hard to cope, which is what seems to have happened to a lot of people.

the top two reasons seem to be "generally increased stress" and "parents/upbringing" (both of which i ticked myself), but it's quite spread out.

thank you for all the input

[angiebaby]

A routine operation that i had with a local, two years ago.

[hoppipolla]

just read your story laura (sorry i didn't get a chance before, it;'s been a tricky thread to keep up with hehe!) and i'm really sorry your dad has been like that, it must have been difficult to keep putting faith in him when he kept letting you down even when you were so young.

it's really scary he was at a football match during your 13th birthday O.O and also how can he see your sister and not you now? why? it's weird, i don't blame you for not having any respect for him... does he have any good excuses for any of it?

[Lozzie]

To be honest I think my Dad see's my sister more because I don't think she knows the full truth to why Dad left or if she does know then she has either forgiven him or doesn't believe it. I don't want to tell her about it as I don't want it to come between us. Every now and then she has a go at me about not seeing my Dad but she doesn't seem to understand that it's not my fault I haven't seen him. It's like she can't believe Dad would not ring me or try and see me. The last time I saw/spoke to my Dad was 2 years ago. He just doesn't care.
I don't really fully understand why he can see my sister and not me.
Sometimes I think that perhaps somehow it's my fault he doesn't see me etc.
I used to blame myself alot when I was younger. I used to get picked on at school because I didn't know what footie team my Dad supports or silly things that kids should know about their parents.
My relationship with my father has caused me alot of emotional problems. I was put on anti-depressants when I was 14 after a failed suicide attempt. I dropped out of school because I couldn't concentrate and was depressed. I saw a counsellor for a few years. And then just when I thought I was better when I was about 18 my Dad got back in contact, walked in and out of my life again causing more hurt and then my panic attacks came back and depression reared it's ugly head again.
This is why now I don't want to see my Dad. He has had more than enough chances and he messed up every chance I gave him. All I have ever wanted was a Father like all my friends have. But I have come to terms with the fact that my Dad won't be that kind of Father.
I have told my mother that when I have kids of my own, I don't want my Dad to hurt them like he hurt me. I will give him one chance and one chance only when they are young and if he messes that up and does exactly what he done to me then he won't see them again. It will be my way of stopping my Dad from hurting anyone else.
Laura xxxx

[Magpie]

Wow, there are some really moving stories in this thread. Congrats to all of you for keeping on going in the face of these events in your lives - the anxiety is only to be expected after these kind of experiences!

I ticked 'other' because my condition is genetic. I've had episodes of extreme anxiety ever since I can remember, and when my mum was diagnosed with GAD a couple of years ago it all started to make sense, although my symptoms were quite different from hers in a lot of ways. Then I finally got the same diagnosis early this year, after several months of being passed from doctor to CPN to psychiatrist. The general consensus was that my genes were to blame.

Sometimes the episodes just occur of their own volition with no obvious reason, sometimes they can be triggered by life events but I have gone through some really bad times with no ill effects as well. Issues of control seem to be a factor - don't know whether that's because when I go into an episode the feeling of having no control over my thoughts and feelings is the scary part, so I start to associate other situations where I don't have control with the anxiety and then it becomes a vicious circle.

[Zanxiety]

It's a total of 3 things for me which caused my anxiety.

Firstly when my dad tragically passed away a few years ago, I was left feeling empty and very upset as he was such a great dad who had a real interest with trains, but over the years I started to become quiter until at secondary school one day, I went all shy and didn't speak to anybody at all and I think that was because of my expired (unalive) dad and that I did get bullied by people too which didn't help. So this would the the traumatic side of things.

I've also become this way with even my Panic Attacks developing when my mother became more stricter due to the stressful job she has at work, and my sister who keeps on bossing me around for no real reason and this left me feeling constantly affraid and shaky when my mum gets angry with me for being anxious or making small mistakes. Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely mother who does really care about me, it's just unfortunate of her two jobs she has which makes her get angry when she doesn't mean too. I developed Panic Attacks though, eventually after being frightened, and telling me off in a scary way as it gave me the sense of isolation ad that I was different from most other people.

Loneliness would have also helped to make this happen aswell, feeling that people would, and will always judge me.

So with all of these things working together it has caused me to what I am today, A very anxious, self concious, and a person full of worries.