Hospital and op tomorrow. Agoraphobia and panic

[dally]

I'm agoraphobic with panic attacks. Tomorrow I have to go into hospital for a uterine scan, biopsy and d&c.
I have been tolerant to valium and had withdrawals when I stopped them a year and a half ago.
My GP has prescribed me 3x 5mg valium and I'm scared to take them incase. 1 it doesn't work
2 . Starts my withdrawal again

I'm scared I won't make it to the hospital tomorrow (son is taking me) incase I become hysterical and then back.
I'm scared when I wake up after the op, I become hysterical.
I'm scared they find cancer
I'm just scared.

I have no choice, I've got to do this

[Beckybecks]

I hope all goes well for you at the hospital. I understand how frightened you must be. The Valium will help you relax.
You won't be hysterical when you wake up, you'll be sleepy and relaxed.
It's a small procedure and will be over quickly.

[Mercime]

I'm agoraphobic with panic attacks. Tomorrow I have to go into hospital for a uterine scan, biopsy and d&c.
I have been tolerant to valium and had withdrawals when I stopped them a year and a half ago.
My GP has prescribed me 3x 5mg valium and I'm scared to take them incase. 1 it doesn't work
2 . Starts my withdrawal again

I'm scared I won't make it to the hospital tomorrow (son is taking me) incase I become hysterical and then back.
I'm scared when I wake up after the op, I become hysterical.
I'm scared they find cancer
I'm just scared.

I have no choice, I've got to do this

Look at your last line again. Yes, you do need to do this because if you don't, the fear gets worse. Would you believe me if I said you can do this without Valium? You can you know. I get the issue of triggering withdrawals and it's a valid concern - I would hazard a guess that it won't touch the sides of your anxiety though. Trust me, I totally understand how you feel, agoraphobia, panic etc.
There is no magic wand, only the determination that each of us has deep inside. Are you willing to feel that fear and go with it so you can get this thing over with? The panic only lasts so long (as you probably know), yes, it's horrible but it absolutely will not harm you. Tell the radiographers of your fears. Take water, books, music, crosswords - these will be Dally's bag of tricks. Breathe, measure those breaths. Sit near a window if you can. In the scanner, it's going to be tough but you will be able to manage and you'll be so proud of yourself. Counting is good, sounds daft but counting down the minutes helps - and remember you will have a buzzer in your hand to press if you need to stop. But I don't think you will - I know you're terrified but I also hear determination too. You won't be hysterical, maybe emotional and having a little cry, so what? You are going through more than they realise.

Feel free to PM me if you need a bit of extra support xx

[dally]

Thank you for your replies.
I'm back home. I took 5 mg Valium Thursday night as a sort of sleeping tablet and hoped it would make me groggy and relaxed next day. It didn't.
I woke at 5 am. In total panic about day ahead. Took another 5 mg Valium 5am. This took the edge of. My thoughts were spiraling and catastrophising but managed to get to 10.30 took another 5mg (15mg in total) when I had to leave to drive 30 miles to hospital (son driving).
Very anxious but not hysterical.
Arrived 11am. in anaesthetic room 1.40pm, seemed like 3 days.
Junior doc couldn't put cannula in (very painful) so senior anaesthetics suggested old fashioned gas to put me to sleep.
Woke up. all over. Relief
No pain.

In ward, sat up in bed to get t and toast. Collapsed. Very low Bp
Nurse told me I wouldn't be Able to get home that night.

Then full blown panic.. Tears, wretching, shakes.
Lovely nurse sat with me, held my hand and told me she understood about panic attacks as she had claustrophobia. It made a difference that she actually understood, rather than just having empathy for my distress. It was also comforting that she held my hand. I realised I have actually hardly been touched since my husband left me 9 months ago. Eventually was given 5 mg. Valium that night.
Which did calm me down. Settled for the night. Got discharged 12 md next day (today)

Anticipation is the worst aspect of fear.
As usual we all can manage to achieve our fears.
Grateful for kindness of complete strangers.

[Mercime]

Don't know how I missed this - congratulations!