Self Repulsion

[Karen]

Sorry but I couldn't post this on my new supposedly positive thread. I am the most repulsive, bad, disgusting fat lump of lard ever

I did something REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE AND BAD today. I had cravings and bought cake, a packet of crisps and some Highlight chocolate drinks to binge on

I am the worst, most terrible person in the world. I want punish myself. I deserve to die

Sorry

Karen x

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

[happyone]

Karen
It is really hard to know what to say as I get the feeling you won't believe a word of it anyway.
You are human hunny. We all get cravings and we all feel bad. I know that when you are feeling sh*** there is nothing more nippy than someone like me coming along and saying 'this is normal'
You are not a fat lump of lard. If you were to see my belly complete with stretch marks, you might be nearer the spot in descriptions of lard.
please be kinder to yourself hun. It is okay to be positive. Your first post of today was so much more positive but I get the feeling you fear letting that positivity in.
You are a lovely individual who needs so badly to believe that.
Happyone
xx

[Piglet]

REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE AND BAD[/b] today. I had cravings and bought cake, a packet of crisps and some Highlight chocolate drinks to binge on
I am the worst, most terrible person in the world. I want punish myself. I deserve to die

Let's examine that logically - does the action of buying and consuming the above constitute a really really terrible and bad action - if so then I too have carried out really really terrible and bad stuff for about the past 30 years or so!!

Is is true that you are the worst, most terrible person in the world - shall we apply to the guiness book of records and see if we can get that as an entry!!

I THINK NOT!!

Now then missy - if someone else wrote that post what would you be saying to them.

Love Piglet

[belle]

"Highlight chocolates to binge on"...
They're low-cal, i drink at least 4 of them everyday, they are the healthier alternative to normal hot choc. You've done nowt wrong and unless you've suddenly put on 15 stone, i think you should retract that horrible comment about yourself.
Cravings are nothing more than your body telling you that it NEEDS/WANTS something, you're body is desperately crying out for food Karen.
I'll join Happyone and i'll flash you some REAL FAT. That would instantly make you feel much better. I sit here with not one, not two, not three but FOUR fat rolls on my stomach, and its fat, not just skin!!!! Nevermind.
Even if you've had a little bit of cake and crisps to eat, i can absolutely 150% guarantee that you will NOT put on a single lb. On the occassional day when i was in the thick of my eating disorder and there was a day where i couldn't get out of not eating like a party or christmas, i would be freaking out because of the supposed weight gain, and there wouldn't be any. It takes A LOT more that a piece of cake and hot choc (or even crimbo dinner) to put it on.

Sarah x

[Paddington]

Oh hun did you see my post on the diet post?The feelings of self repulsion is something we share there is no logic to it..i think in our logical brain we know that eating too much cake is not an evil,wicked thing todo ,yet we feel disgust in our seemingly lack of control,and that is all these eating disorders are about control you see yourself as fat,the scales tell you you are underweight for your hieght...you actually need more calories hun,yet the non logical part of you wont accept this.I think i am just saying i understand you,try not to beat youseslf up hun.. Hey thnk of me tonight in the food stand off Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[pips]

Karen you are not bad at all please don't worry hun. That's perfectly normal and fine to have cravings and eat! Please please don't beat yourself up about this.

Take care,

Love & Hugs Pip's X X

[smudgie]

Karen

Im so sorry you are going through a bad time at the moment, its hard to know what to say to you.

What would you say to some one in distress and telling you that, im sure you would tell them diffrerent then what your saying about yourself.

Im some one who calls them selves the ugly pig and not worth or deserve anything, but dee down I know its not true, I just need to start beleiving it.

give yourself a break we all fall down the back hole but we get there again.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
COMING YOUR WAY.

love ness

[Quirky]

Sorry sis, I missed this post earlier.

I can't add much to what the others have said but you're not bad at all and do not deserve to die or anything else you think you deserve You're a lovely person and I hate to see you beating yourself up like this. I wouldn't even class the amount of food you mentioned as a true binge anyway and it's not bad - murdering someone is bad not eating.

Try and go easy on yourself ok, you're just human



Lisa x

[Karen]

Hi All

Thank you for all the really kind messages of support. The problem is that to a normal person the food I bought today would probably not be given a second thought and I know people have the occasional treat now and again.

However, to me just having the thoughts about wanting the food is bad, let alone buying it and eating it. I am (was) anorexic and therefore I shouldn't be eating let alone things like cakes and crisps.

Happyone - Thanks for your support. I realise everyone gets cravings at times but to me it is really a bad thing to have food cravings. It means I am bad as a person. I just cannot deal with it and don't think I will ever be able to do 'normal' where eating and food is concerned.

Piglet - You are not bad hun but I am.

Is is true that you are the worst, most terrible person in the world - shall we apply to the guiness book of records and see if we can get that as an entry!!

What a good idea I am sure I would be accepted as the worst person ever.

Sarah - I realise Highlights hot chocolate is a healthier version of normal hot chocolate but it is still chocolate and I don't believe I should allow myself any kind of chocolate

Thanks for trying to reassure me about not gaining loads of weight but I am still scared. I have been eating regularly and different foods for the past few weeks and so I am already worried about weight gain

Paddie - Yes I did see your post on the diet thread and recognise that we have similar thoughts about ourselves which is part of having an eating disorder. I certainly don't think you deserve to be putting yourself down, but I do think I deserve it You are right about the control issue too as I feel buying foods like this means I am out of control.

Pips - Thanks for your kind message

Ness - Welcome back. Did you have a good holiday? No, of course I wouldn't talk to anyone else the way I talk to myself but I believe I deserve it

Lisa - Thanks again for your support sis. I still think I am bad.

I have been 'encouraged' to point out the facts of what's been happening today rather than my black and white thinking about it and overexaggeration (although I don't think I am exaggerating).

I bought the food I mentioned, came home and had Weetabix and a Highlights drink for breakfast. I bought two cakes from the supermarket bakery - because they came in a pack of two - but always intended to throw one away. However, this is still really bad because I shouldn't be eating cakes at all, and haven't eaten it yet, but I know I will. Therefore this is a binge to me

Also I bought a packet of so-called healthier crisps but no crisps are healthy. So that is still bad too.

I suppose at the heart of all this is my fear of bingeing regularly again like I did a year ago and this is the start of it. I don't want to live my life dominated by thoughts of food and fear of eating but I also cannot accept gaining weight and I don't think there will ever be any end to this

Karen xx

[happyone]

Karen hunny,

I realise everyone gets cravings at times but to me it is really a bad thing to have food cravings. It means I am bad as a person. I just cannot deal with it and don't think I will ever be able to do 'normal' where eating and food is concerned.

I realise that your relationship with food is different to mine. I realise your feelings are obviously too. I can't accept though that you are a bad person. I wish if you could reconsider something, it would be how you hink of you as a person. When I beat myself up as a mother (I am reading a very interesting book btw, that indicates why I might do this) you tell me I am not bad. I am glad you do as even if I don't believe it myself sometimes, it helps that others tell me. SO, the long and short of it is, I am going to keep on telling you that you are not bad and I will keep on trying to say the right thing, even if the what I think is the right thing is the wrong thing, cos thats what pals do! Cos they care!
Happyone
xx